I didn’t think it of myself, but I thought that my family thought I was faking the illness to get out of having to work. But since joining this forum, I’ve had no doubt that I am justified in getting benefits and what-have-you. I simply have sh-t for family.
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Not faking the SZ, but I admit that several times per week I feel like I’m over my head at work and that I’ve somehow bluffed myself into a position that is beyond me.
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Are you referring to the positive symptoms?
How can you fake that to yourself. If you hear voices coming out of a fridge for example how can you fake hearing that. I don’t really understand.
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@anon97970229 I almost get what you’re saying, is there someone outside yourself making you think you’re faking? Personally I start to think I don’t have it when my medication’s going well for a while… then quickly learn my lesson lol
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There was this guy questioning my symptoms which in turn made me question my symptoms. So i quit taking meds and it was bad
I think it is my insecurity.
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3 pdocs so far have diagnosed me with schizophrenia. 2 of them with undifferentiated schizophrenia and the other just with schizophrenia without subtype. I have no reason to doubt them. Only when i am doing very well i doubt my diagnosis and i think what if i faked it?
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Yeah, insecurity can be a bitch. Especially in the absence of hallucinations and such which are sorta the hallmark of everyone’s understanding of schizophrenia. I don’t have abnormal hallucinations, although I hear things that get twisted when they hit my ears, but they sound like things people might say. Also have delusional thinking and extreme paranoia/anxiety.
If you don’t experience things that are beyond the pale and out of the ordinary tho, like me, I also get very insecure and start to question whether I have a problem.
DONT GET ME WRONG, I am glad I don’t get hallucinations.
That is exactly what I feel
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Yeah it usually stems from that man. When I have a bad day I then realize I have a problem.
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@anon97970229, I had that too when I was paranoid. I felt sometimes like I was faking my symptoms. But that is not really the problem. What’s going on is that you are afraid, or really, paranoid, that your pdoc thinks you are faking your symptoms. And that, my friend, is nothing more than your paranoid symptoms acting up.
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I sometimes think my family thinks I’m faking my symptoms to get benefits too. But that is just paranoia on my part because they have never told me that they think I am faking it. One time, I thought my former pdoc thought I was faking my symptoms too and that scared me. But, that turned out to be just paranoia on my part too. I’ve always been very paranoid.
I never worry about whether or not I myself am faking my symptoms because I know for sure that I am not. I only worry about what other people think.
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I have to agree with you. I didn’t realize till recently to what extent I was paranoid. You’re absolutely right about that. Good point.
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Yeah it makes sense, good thing others felt the same way, I don’t feel so alone.
Faking it or having it imposed on you. I think there’s a big difference. The amount of stupid crap I find myself doing cause someone doesn’t believe me or that pinnacle… “We’ve never seen that before”
Sometimes mental illness is hard for other people to see, especially if you’re on meds or otherwise quiet about it, which then leads them to decide that you don’t actually have it… my sister’s on that train with me right now and I hate it. But they’re not in your head, they don’t know better than you, they’re just planting that seed of insecurity without realising the damage it could do… hope you feel better soon.
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Thanks for the loving words G I truly appreciate it man. It got a lot better now tbh I don’t have that insecurity as big as I had it a month ago.
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Nah i would have stop the meds and went back to work or moved out of the state im living in. The second one forsure i would have done by now cause the south is not as great as the west coast in the united states. California is expensive but its worth the rights that u get out there. For example they dont give you no 10 or 15 minute breaks on the job out where im living now and its also another reason why i cant work… im no slave dude. But nah never feel like im faking sz i might have a new diagnosis now but definitely not faking whats going on in my head
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I’ve felt like that a lot - that I faked my sza. Makes me really distressed. Usually this happens when I am taking my meds and feeling well. Then I feel like what do I need the meds for? If I do stop them then I relapse and then feeling like I faked it goes away.
For this reason I told my psychiatrist I want to stay on 200mg of my meds instead of 400mg bcuz if I get too well then I have this temptation to go off meds. She said that’s a very interesting view and let me stay on my minimum dose of 200mg
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It’s not just you. I wonder frequently if I’m just faking it. Sometimes when I’m hallucinating I’ll wonder if I’m just blowing things out of proportion. Maybe I’m just really that lazy. Maybe it’s a side effect of the needs and I don’t really have that many negative symptoms. Maybe it’s some other disorder altogether. Maybe it’s just a sleep disorder causing all these symptoms.
But several doctor’s and many many hospital stays have all agreed it’s sz, so I don’t bother worrying anymore.
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