Anybody ever fear they're faking It?

Weird question but maybe it’s because I’ve had so many different diagnoses that nothing seems to stick but I often fear I’m making this all up and that I could control it if I didn’t let myself think these things. This feeling has taken over my days lately since I got out the hospital. Even though I can see that I wasn’t faking it. I remember once I was breaking down in the hospital and I had the thought inserted in.ym head “isn’t this what you wanted?” And it really freaked me out.
I’ve talked about it to my therapist and she said she thinks it’s stemming from thought disorder. I’m not sure. I know I get really confused when I feel this way. Like I can’t even tell if my own symptoms are real.
Hope I can get insight here

9 Likes

I used to feel the same way, but I overcame it by self-reflection of my symptoms, and I knew they were real. Partly because I can’t fake my hallucinations. You just have to look at the concrete symptoms in order to tell it for yourself.

5 Likes

Yeah, I’ve had this idea. Voices kept calling me a fake. They said that, if I didn’t admit to everyone that I was a fake, they’d never leave me alone again. Obviously that was a lie.

4 Likes

I used to in the beginning of my illness, when everyone was questioning me and I didn’t know what was going on. I gained more confidence over time. I am more sure of my symptoms now.

1 Like

I felt fake when I had to change up my behavior for the voices’ approval. Made me feel weird and robotic.

^^ This. Some people are over analyzers without the illness and can be diagnosed as ill when its just everyday stress and a personality trait. BUT. I too have gone through times when I thought maybe I wasn’t as ill as I though or maybe I was misdiagnosed, but these were usually times when things weren’t as hard so it was more difficult for me to reflect on my illness. Make sure you stick with your treatment and continue with the doctor that’s the only way. One day you’ll be better and say “Yeah I have it”.

3 Likes

I’ve sometimes wondered if I cut way down on the caffeine, got a moderate amount of exercise, and meditated, I could do without the med’s. But I tell you, if I’m faking it I sure fooled a lot of people. I’ve been hospitalized over twenty times.

2 Likes

Really? Sectioned over 20 times?! That’s a lot.

I’ve only been sectioned twice.

I’m so glad it’s not just me. I know it’s a good thong to have insight but I’m like painfully aware that my brain is playing tricks on me. My grandma has schizophrenia and I always thought every case would look like hers, aggressive and totally lost in her own world. I have schizoaffective so a different picture. I have been hospitalized around 10 times. I lost count.

1 Like

You can’t fake hallucinations. Well I mean you could but what would be the point.

4 Likes

Often, voices tell me I’m not sick, I’m faking it, and to go off my meds.

2 Likes

I guess I worry more than I’m exaggerating it somehow. Most of my hallucinations have been really mild, like vaguely hearing my name or hearing whispers I can’t make out. But I’ve a few really clear as day ones that I don’t doubt for a second.

When I first got diagnosed, I had 4 er’s tell me it was all in my head. And when that no longer suited them, they then thought I was a drug seeker. I was scared to death and had no clue what was happening to me. Needless to say, I refuse to have anything to do with hospitals.

1 Like

Yes because hospital doctors didn’t take me seriously. I would keep getting admitted for psychosis and then the same doctor would discharge me saying it was all in my head. If the hospital sees you self harming they just think you have BPD. Even if you’ve got thought insertion from aliens and mind control rays telling you to do it. Happened three times. Until someone outside the hospital put me on the right meds. Also I compare myself to others who hear voices. I don’t hear voices just delusions, thought disorder, self disorder, negative symptoms.

2 Likes

I fear im faking it constantly or “not a real schizophrenic” because ive never been hospitalised for my sz, i had an early diagnosis and treatment and ive never been paranoid about cameras. I do get a lot of thoughts that arent my own and ive forgotten most things about my life so the reason for my diagnosis is confusing to me but has stayed the same for 2 years (i was first diagnosed with bipolar, then to sz) and the meds work keeping my mood stable. I go really funny if i forget them, cant describe how but it feels like my heads attacking me.

2 Likes

Yes, I often think I’m not really a schizophrenic. I think I could qualify for schizotypal disorder with poor insight OCD. All my delusions start off like OCD, and even when I have allegedly been psychotic its a lot of OCD mixed in there. Ive had scneiderian symptoms thoughts. I used to think Satan implanted thoughts in my head, and that God who was monitoring my every thought mistook these thoughts for my own opinion, so in hindsight that sounds quite psychotic. I also saw special messages from god every where. When I was put on zyprexa, I became and atheist.

I have been through extensive screening though. I also felt relived when the psychologist who made all those tests on my, said residual schizophrenia. Paranoid type.

Before being upgraded to sz I had been diagnosed with schizotypal and OCD, so I can relate to everthing you’re saying. In fact, I had this discussion with my doc earlier today.

2 Likes

I also was diagnosed schizotypal before schizophrenia

2 Likes

When I am feeling well I think I faked my psychosis. Or that if I tried just a little harder that I could control everything. I keep thinking my therapist will call me out as fake.

3 Likes

Yeah, sometimes I feel like it’s my fault I struggle… Like I should be able to just stop struggling. But I try to remind myself of my most recent psychotic break and how I must’ve been actually ill… I couldn’t control my thoughts at all and my mind was completely out of my control. That was a scary time.

2 Likes