I don’t know when I ve chosen the bad way… but I smoked a lot of weed. mysister cant be right on everything. she thinks it didn’t made me mad but 10 joints per day in total isolation for 6 years it marks… now I cant communicate with others anymore. I cant feel joy and pleasure of life… I am still at my house, watching myself how my body degrades more and more… my body is in very bad shape. how cant be jealous of others? nobody calls me on the phone basically. and they irritate me if they call… yeah… I am really sorry for those lost years. never knew a schizophrenic who was so alone as me, that’s all :(…
p.s. plus my meds are not working really right… I have pain in my soul, its like I suffocate. its unfair that my schizo friend is getting on her feet only after a couple of months. she even succeeds to stop her meds and me I cant… its unfair. plus my ex wanted to sleep with her, yeah right…
aw Anna, I am sorry you feel this way. You sound young to me? You can get muscle tone back just by using a couple of dumb bells. don’t fret. I hope you get to where you’re feeling better. @Anna10
I ll be 34 years old soon. and no life behind me :(… yes, I regret my 15 years of schizophrenia… its wasn’t life. I couldn’t look at the eyes of the people since years, I don’t smile since years, I am just crazy…
aw Anna you are so young !! Just take baby steps towards loving yourself again and then you will meet someone that you can love? I wish you well.
yeah but nobody didn’t got through what I got… I never saw such a bad schizophrenic like me,really… they all got their periods etc etc. me, I didn’t have good period since 15 years, probably more… that’s all.
yes, ill do my baby steps…
i dont know what to say but I hope your perspective is better soon. I hope you feel better about yourself because there is no one or thing perfect anyway and its all about healing up the best you can for yourself.
my perspective sucks cause I barely leave my bed. it was bad since child but its still bad now. I am a physical monster too, yeah… the guys think that I am ugly, the ■■■■■■■ girls friends of mine talk behind my back that I am ugly too… ilook like a monster, I saw schizophrenics who look like me and yes, they are ugly… damn… I hide myself behind the walls only with the reason cause I think my neighbours are watching me…I hate them!!! at what do they look? voila, that’s all, I hate myself now
I look like this now. I have his belly yes… and I am only 33 years old…
I smoked a lot of weed in my youth and it always made me “the quiet guy” drinking, LSD and music was my high points in this pot coma. And then again at 23 I grew hydroponically in my closet above my parent’s garage, ten joints a day is about what I was smoking along with a prescription for 30 mg adderal and klonpin. For some reason I needed sour apple vodka to top this off. Compltely lost touch with self, lost all sense of who I was, just went for endless hours drives smoking, drinking and blasting music in my Chevy Lumina. Lost all the friends I’d ever had, some got just sick of me as they couldn’t understand what I was going through, others became afraid of me. Lost everything.
But I again found some semblance of self, I again connected with people, and for the first time other people with mental illness experiences.
And you say no one calls. I messaged you last week or so, I told you I’m not being weird and my intentions are good, I just need someone to reach out to and can often relate to you’re posts.
Anyway, just want you to know I’m rooting for you from afar.
I’m a freak too by the way.
Through no fault of my own, just the way the dice were rolled I guess. I’ve always been different and have always admired those who are.
Thats about how I was a few years ago --i was very flabby and people said nasty things I started exercising at home and used weights with different routines. It took a long time yes, but I find it makes me feel good in a lot of ways to exercise. I got into the app myfitnesspal and found exercise routines on youtube. I tried going to the gym but heard too many nasty voices and couldn’t do it. So I just work out at home and now I am feeling pretty good about my fitness. I am 54 years old and some days so sore though.
My ex wanted to do everybody, so I can relate to you there. It is normal for us to lose years to this disease. I guess some of us hide the disease more, so we don’t get treatment as soon as we should.
Trust me, getting off the meds is no dream future. This is our lot in life (medication). My brother has MS and he’ll be on meds for the rest of his life too. I am fighting to keep from getting diabetes. I struggle to exercise (since we’ve had a blood sucking fly outbreak due to the rains we’ve had) outside. I struggle to eat right.
You can do it. It just takes small corrections, like a plane going from Houston to Atlanta. It can’t to a major turn it moves deliberately gently to its mark. Machiavelli says that we should, “aim high, so that we do not miss our mark.”
thank you for your message wrongemboyo 
yeah, I smoked 10 joints per day for years. I cant think well but I had a went deep with the weed. I lost all my feelings. I try to regain them again… I even want to smoke one joint one day but probably now is not a good moment… yeah, I have some ill friends now but some irritate me. I am still afraid of lot of people out there, nothing personal
#dcmouse, I am only envious right now that you are not in the shape that I am in… your message doesn’t motivates me but probably its not your goal
■■■■…
good luck to you. hlepful
no you weren’t.i am too ugly right now and I don’t see a light anymore… my ex was wondering how I am gonna to survive out there cause I don’t look fine…
I never looked fine. I was ugly since child yeah…
Anna, you are 34. You may not be able to completely undo the consequences of the past, but you sure as hell have a lot of future left to work on it!
Looking fine is really not how you survive. FEELING fine is far more significant.
You need to get help. I need to get help. We can all do with help.
Help could be as simple as having someone else think for you for a while. A daily routine that will help you move forwards would be a great start.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It does not matter what others behold of you, but instead - it matters what beauty you see in the world yourself. OUTLOOK.
Anna, you need to take things into your own hands. You’re not going to get better or be happier sitting alone in your room posting about how many years you’ve lost by sitting alone in your room.
No one here can help you if you aren’t willing to help yourself. It’s been six months that you’ve been posting here - that’s another half a year that you’ve let pass you by.
What actions are you taking to feel better? Are you exercising? Studying anything interesting? Taking walks outside? Unless you want to be here next year talking about fourteen years in one bed, you have to get up and take care of yourself. Until you do, no one here can help you.
I don’t want to move from my house. my desire for it is dead… I did things before and I was ugly and alone… I don’t wanna do anything else, no way. you want take away from me and push me to act, I hate you all cause I don’t want to do things… I was stopping my meds before, that’s why it didn’t work, this is a reason… I feel alone now so ■■■■ up… I am so disappointed by everything around me…
Just hang in there. I’m isolated too and in a miserable situation. Just hang on.