What are you hoping for by posting, then? I’ve thought you wanted help but haven’t understood why you won’t take anyone’s advice when they offer it. If it’s not help for feeling this way, what do you want?
I hate leaving my house and I hate staying in my house. I hate doing things and I hate that I have to think about doing things because then I have to hate that I’m not doing things.
I understand and I am not trying to lecture or judge you. 
You’re in the right place to not feel alone. For now, perhaps that is the start
I just need to talk to somebody… I don’t want to hear from some what I hear from my mother already. ok? she made me ugly cause she never respected sport. I am like a truck now, not like a girl… I cant handle anymore the talk about being active sorry… I was active and nobody didn’t need me…I am 33 years old and I never took pleasure in ■■■■■■■ with somebody. what do you think, that it doesn’t misses me??? I cry for love for god sake, not for activating myself…
yeah, me too I hope its the start of my recovery. I wont switch meds anymore and I wont stopping them. I wont get out of this without them cause I have nothing in the life anymore
I’m sorry that I’m being so harsh with you. It’s just that you’ve posted exactly these things for six months straight now. I see people trying to soothe you and cheer you up again and again, but whatever they say doesn’t seem to make any difference to you.
I know you’ve heard this, but if you want love, you have to be willing to love. You have to care for yourself and care for other people.
If it just irritates you when people call, why do you want them to call? If you want to talk to someone, why don’t you call them? You seem to have plenty of friends, but you also seem to hate them all.
Practice being generous with people, and with yourself, too. Practice caring about other people and yourself, and wanting good things for other people and yourself. That’s how you learn to love and be loved.
It sounds to me like you’ve already taken a number of steps in the right direction. You should seriously give yourself a pat on the back. Even just identifying that cannabis is a bad influence in your life puts you miles ahead of thousands of other people.
I only recently quit cannabis myself. Within a week I developed glandular fever and as soon as I think about any of the things I SHOULD be doing, my mind collapses into a pile of ■■■■.
You are definitely not alone.
for me its already a progress that I don’t insult them. meds are helping me I guess… for the past 6 months I ve always tried to stop my meds. I didn’t beilieved in them. now its my crutch, I want to believe in meds… ill need the kick from it, the relief of my paranoia, the relief of my anger…
I honestly think you need to get out of your own head. It’s like you’re in an echo chamber of thoughts about how ugly you think you are, how you’ve wasted your life, how much you hate everyone else and how unfair it is that they’re happier than you.
Please stop entertaining and amplifying these thoughts. They’re hurting you, not helping. Do little things for yourself that make you happy - grow flowers or use soap that smells nice or eat food that you like. Do little things to show yourself that your happiness matters to you.
It’s good that you’re not insulting your friends anymore. Try to stop insulting yourself, okay?
plus, i still alaways learn from all the people here and sometimes i listen them… its just sucks cause i don’t know what was your problem but i am low functioning member of the society and i hate it… but i was a victim of the system at the time, hating myself so i wont do anything anymore to be comfortable to others, that’s all… for the moment i guess…maybe ill change one day, idk…
yeah, its the rest from my past, to live in my own head, i know that already. i try to work on it, its the only thing that i can do right now.
otherwise, i always have the impression that here there are only stabilized schizophrenics…you all have that look on your pics and in the eyes that i don’t have…i am pretty ■■■■■■ up… and i am the only one who screams like this :(…
I was neglected and abused throughout childhood. At times I was left locked in rooms, at times I was beaten, at times I was left in locked cars in parking garages because I wasn’t allowed in the house. I wasn’t allowed to have friends over or to visit friends. At school I was bullied.
I have psychotic depression, which means that when my depression gets out of hand, I start to think things like I am a creature of darkness who destroys everyone who cares about me, that the government is spying on me and is going to revoke my citizenship, that dead pets are angry at me and have set me impossible tasks that I have to complete to prove I am a worthwhile person.
I’m not stable. I have a lot of trouble with very basic tasks. I sleep about 12 hours a day and spend hours more lying in bed doing nothing. I don’t go out. I’m too afraid to answer my door or phone. I’m afraid to make friends.
It’s just - my old life? I don’t want to stay there, I want something better. I have to keep moving forward and not focusing on the past.
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sorry i don’t believe you anymore… i took all the rubbish of my schizo friend on my back and now she lives her life… me i had to spend 7 years in the psychiatry, trying almost every med which is on the market. you are all liers,sorry… you all just want to screw my friend but not me, that’s all…
I’m anything but a lier…if anything I’m too honest, that’s my fault, I’m too honest, my weak point? Too trusting? Bascially while I may go out on a limb now and then it’s get the hell away from me you potentially scumbag heartless user, yes, please, thank you, go home to my cat and my booze and cigarettes.
I don’t want to screw either of you. Everyone here has a crappy story, Anna.
yes but they all screw her and me I didn’t knew the love in my life, it sucks…
perhaps this friend of urs who everyone is screwing might catch STDs. lol. since it isnt healthy…
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she had chlamidya once… ■■■■ her, she is the devil!!!
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I think Rhubot is right. We can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself.
You’re stuck on a loop of self-loathing and the only thing that can take you out of it is therapy.
Talk to your mother again, if you want to be well. If not let it go. Keep complaining how life screwed you over and how your friend is better than you. She’s probably better because she doesn’t sit at home complaining over what happened to her, she fights it. Instead of comparing yourself with her, learn from her.
But yeah, it’s been six months of the same post over and over again, we care dearly for you here, and it frustrates us to keep watching the same movie with you.
Therapy, therapy, therapy. It’s what you need.
anna you seem sweet to me.
sorry this illness is a rough ride.
You are a beautiful person… if someone ever called you a freak I’d fly the ■■■■ over there and whack them with the SZ stick and see how they fair.
I had similar thoughts, but I hate flight … when I pictured myself maintaining crazy-eyes for the duration of a boat cruise from Australia to the U.S, the whole idea just collapsed into one of those painfully drawn out scenes in Family guy; you know the ones with the pain. Literal pain.