Tbh I question even my sexuality now… I cant figure it what I like or want or can do…
I was a zombie since kid… I know, that child sz is rare, but I was sick since kid from something…
My father was occupied to beat till blood my innocent kid sister and my mother… Idk… I have so many painful somatics, that idk if I’ll recover…
Meds dont help, some of them make me crazier… Why I should be even in physical pain for god sake??
No one respects me either… I did nothing almost for the past years… but if I turn to be bisexual or something it could be one of the reasons of my illness too, idk…
Wont this pain stop one day?
One of my ex pdocs was saying, that my zyprexa can work in years for me… Do you think its possible? I guess itll be more my efforts , while being on this med, than the med in itself…
I think of @anon10648258 now, who suffers physically too as me and this is the hell, folks… I dont even want to talk about how dummie I turned to become with all this 
Well, nothing else… I dont understand why the meds dont work well for me 
Instead of recover just try to manage
But is it possible to get a life and stop the physical and mental pain just with efforts? (I take my zyprexa though)… I am not sure I can believe my forces to do this… I get tired lately…
I see people who end up in institutions for all their life, because of sz… it’s sad…
I talk only to two sick friends, but they keep saying they are bipolar, not sz, and they all have some lives…
Me, I knew only the isolation for the last 20 years, great… I changed for worse even physically
It’s just scary to have been crazy since kid… I have only the future in front of me, but the others knew me as crazy since forever 
I don’t think we will recover Anna, we should accept what we have, be grateful that we are not low functioning and try to build a nice life with our residual capabilities.
I am low functioning… I am sure you dont feel your brain in your head till headaches…
Lots of people here have some lives… it’s something to have been crazy since kid, while i am 38 years old now…
My mother threatened me, that she’ll take away my civil rights!!! That’s all…
I cant accept that I’ll be in physical pain even for the rest of my life…
Ok, I vent, I complain, I know how the others suffer too… but if there was a god, he just made fun of us… it’s not ok what we have, its ■■■■…
Maybe try a pain medication
20 years for me too vraylar is treating a difficult psychosis induced by lamictal 25 mg the rest of ap made me crazy like zyprexa clozapine
Saphris and vraylar (love it) are helping That what i describe as tardive psychosis
With minimal side effects
Yeap, 20 years… I guess my pain of it looks shallow now, but I got just tired by loneliness and fighting…
I think that the zyprexa maintains me some minimum… I think it’s my med though, but it’s not working on my mental… My brain is a mess now, that I lived with mostly suicidal ideation since kid… this makes you dumb but maybe my zyprexa works even though, that I dont feel it…
But so many wasted lives, it’s hard… plus I am surrounded by ill friends, who have lives, not like me …
9 years here. I just manage. I’m moderate functioning but I feel really low a lot of the times.
Ok, thanks to all 
yeah, ok, I am sick since quite a time, maybe it’s not a big deal. It’s now that it counts I guess… but yeap, we are often alone and lately I am mad at my paranoia, who was causing physical symptoms too…
Anyway, even the normies are crazy hah.
Sometimes we just have to accept what we have and try to be as much happy as possible. I stay in bed 90% of my time and I try to be busy/happy in bed, video chatting with friends, music, vaping, reading news and technology articles, watching youtube, movies, tv shows, technology videos, etc Sometimes I play video games on my pc with online or real life friends. When I am out of bed I cook, talk to my parents and brothers, etc
I know aziz, thanks. We can be happy even in our beds I know… I guess I am now just traumatized by how unhappy I was before, it was crazy, even the docs said that the szs dont have this kind of suffering… I was totally dumb and out of my mind lol…
I sometimes struggle with being happy and think about giving up by quitting my meds.
I don’t think we have anything against each other now, so I will give you my opinion. And I just mean to be helpful.
There’s an old saying that goes something like this, “If nothing changes, then nothing is going to change”. I realize in my own life how difficult it is to make lasting changes.
I would change a lot of things about myself and my life if I could. There’s a lot of stuff I would do if I could to change, and I put in a lot effort to change things I don’t like in myself and I try to nudge my life into a positive direction. I know there will be obstacles in anything I do. Certain people would not like to see me do good but I will not give up striving to be a good person and take positive action to make my life better.
So I’ve said this to you before and I mean it in a nice way: It’s up to you to change your life. I know you are in a hole because you have isolated so long. I know making changes will be an uphill battle or endeavor. But recovery is not going to come knocking on your door. You are not going to magically get better. If I could make you better, I would, and I’m sure other people on here feel the same way. But changing your life is up to you. I don’t want to be rude or insensitive but I told you a couple of years ago that you need to change.
It may seem impossible to change and you may have considered it but you didn’t know where to start or maybe you seriously considered it but just procrastinated (personally, one of my biggest faults). But an old saying goes, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Just think if you had made a few positive changes two years ago. If you had taken just a few positive little steps two years ago you could be reaping what you sowed right now. Your life might be better.
All I’m saying is don’t wait for that “perfect” time to make changes. You have to start somewhere so why not now? If you look into the future, in two years time, your life could be either better-- or the same. It’s mostly up to you. There’s no time better than now to make a change. You can give yourself a future or just stay the same and in two years you will still be complaining how bad your life is. It’s up to you. I wish you good luck, have a nice morning/night. I’m sure many people on here will support you and share their experience to help you to in anything you do.
I had to deal with social anxiety as a child, then sz on top of that when I turned 25 ( I’m 56 now ) and trying to study to become a RN. The hallucinations were bad and they prevented me from studying properly so I was unable to pass my boards. Since I couldn’t become a RN, I worked as a STNA until 2009 at a skilled nursing facility. I used to be upset that I wasn’t a RN but being a STNA helped me with the skills to overcome my shyness. Being mentally ill makes life very difficult but there are tools to help you cope. Personally, I found that being true to myself by doing things that make me happy like hobbies and learning things that interest me have helped keep me from becoming depressed. Stop worrying about what other people think about you. God made you a unique individual
Have a read of this:
yea it’s hard being sick. I think it all comes to accepting that you chronic sick.
I hope you feel better soon.
Thank you 
I just talked to my pdoc on the phone… I told him, that i realize, that i am sick now… But in fact, ive always had an insight on this, so idk… Since a teenager, i had a hellish despair about my future… I even diagnosed myself with sz before that the docs say it by themselves… Ok, now i know really that i am sick as hell, but will i regain in quality of life? Tbh, lately i am just tired and very fed up of my previous ambitions to compete with the normies… Idk if i’ll gain in energy one day etc…