She said sometimes it takes years for meds to work for recovery. Ok, I dont know what exactly recovery means in our illness but I mean some better quality of life.
I went out yesterday with my mom to a friend of hers :). Today, I felt for some others less irritable, I felt more connected to reality, even my reason was better and I was even more talkative. Cause I have troubles to talk even…
I dont know if its my efforts who bring me to this. I really try to avoid all my fears and negative thinking… its dumb to have fear from so many things but I was like this. And I guess I am not even borderline, I am a pure schizophrenic… 
I find also that when I accept this I feel better 
.
But in my case it will definitely take time cause I lived ill and desperate for years. I have so many things to rediscover again, to feel, to be happy for :).
Otherwise, what does it mean recovery in sz? For me, its some better quality of life with some remaining fragility till life… My mom doesn’t believe in recovery for this illness. it was making me ragy before that she is like this but I am just dumb sometimes :D…
but my efforts are still very few tbh but whatever, I want to live now and not to die.
That’s fantastic. I look back on the last few years and I too am thankful to have let go of the suicidal ideation. On really bad days I think at least I’m not suicidal and I realize I have done some healing. It’s hard though knowing there’s so much farther to go. We just have to keep on trying. Take care honey.
thank you tera Oh, I still have the suicidal ideation when I am too bad but when I feel better I see now the light which I wasn’t seeing for years …
but I really wonder why I do have those good days now, is it the meds or is it my efforts? But yes, I still have some crazy moments because of the meds and the illness. the meds are strange wow… I couldn’t fall asleep yesterday for hours because of them. and its funny cause its Zyprexa, its not a sleep pill. But my doc was saying that Zyprexa has an antidepressive effect.
Ths is a good thing. I do that too.
I hope you are right. From your older posts you seemed borderline too, but maybe I am wrong.
Better quality of life, independent life, friends, hobbies. Some sz can even start a family and have kids.
Try to improve only one small thing at a time. Work on it until you are satisfied. Then pick another small thing etc.
Sending good thoughts 
That sounds like a line to me. Where is the evidence that it takes years for the meds to work? Who is to say you do not come to your senses on your own and the medicine is coincidental, if it takes that long? I find it very fishy. They are making such a profit I find it all a bit dubious.
Andrey, my current doc said that she doesnt find that I have lot of pathological character features… She said I am really nice and kind. you know, sz is different, I guess there are schizophrenics who are ragy too, jealous of others etc etc… But all this and the rest is so hard that I find myself more like a schizophrenic than a borderline… I have some positive symptoms too you know - the paranoia, the false beliefs in which I believe sometimes more than I realize…
but I realized today how hard is this illness. Andrey, I also have troubles accepting it now so I would like to be a borderline which seems to me ‘‘lighter’’ but whatever, I am no good with the diagnosis either…
Sending prayers to you Anna. 
I hope you find within you the strength to conquer this illness. Be a warrior princess!
thanks Andrey I have a lot of expectations from life, its no good. I should understand one day that I am ill and it will be tough. But there are other tough things in life too for everybody else…
But for some others, did it also took years to feel better? some of my ill friends dont understand this so I feel alone on this but maybe its normal too…
Start with small goals. Build your self esteem and self confidence first. Then you will be ready to dream big too. But you must have courage and patience.
The medicine is not enough to feel better. You have suffered a long time and you need to train your brain to enjoy life again. Find a hobby and practice daily. For example, dancing. Try dancing 20 minutes every day and you will feel better about yourself 
Andrey, I have avolition and lack of motivation. But I do some other things. cleaning, shopping, internet, movies, reading, games etc etc… I find more meaningfull the pursuit of what makes me happy, better.
I was to the shop today. In the evening I still worry a lot about my future and I have the impression that ill never get better but its some kind of perfide and false idea too. My condition is bad but I can only go forward which is good . maybe I can get better faster than I imagine.
Today I have no pleasure from anything again but at least my inner bad sensations remain few :).
How are you today, whats up?
is there somebody who spend so many years away from the world? it sucks that I missed all this time, it just made me worse… but in the same time, the fault its not mine. its just now that my meds are helping me to activate more.
Just came back from Bucharest 1 hour ago. I am feeling a bit better than last month. I am making progress slowly but surely. I am challenging myself with small tasks, nothing too hard yet. I have positive mantras that I repeat several times a day. My sleep has improved too. I am working on losing some weight, slowly…
Yes, that’s the point of life after all. But you said before you don’t know what you like. That worries me. You should be able to like things, it’s the only way to move forward.
Have you tried dancing again?
thank you for the advice Andrey. Ill do some home bicycle now.
But yes, I am very anhedonic plus my personality has worsened with this illness so sometimes I dont even know what I like… But I find essential now not to be so hard on myself. I was feeling very guilty to be so few active etc etc and this was paralyzing me…
I hope ill recover on positive emotions too .
Anna1 have u danced ever …!!!