During dinner yesterday we were talking about a neighbor, ironically also named jake, who just got out the hospital after over a year because he had major depression. My parents said, imagine how horrible it must be for his mother. And I said that it must be infinitely worse for jake, or any other person who was actually going through a mental illness. My dad told me that it was infinitely worse for the parents. He told me I just don’t know what it’s like to be a parent. I told him he didn’t know what it was like to have an inescapable mental illness that takes up every second of every day of every week of every month of every year. At least if you’re family member is the one going through it, you can physically forget about it and have fun often, or even much of the time. I understand it is painful but isn’t it much worse to have 24/7 disabling symptoms? Am I wrong here?
I don’t think you are… I’m sorry your parents feel that way. I really am.
Thanks. It just really bothers me how self involved they are. When my mom accidentally told my dad I had hallucinations he was actually mad at me. I have no idea why. But he was mad at me. I don’t really like people much, and I don’t care that my parents feel that way. The only reason it causes problems for me is because I have to spend so much time with them - specifically my dad who is infinitely worse than my mom.
Yeah, but don’t create walls around it. They’re your parents and they should be more thoughtful. It’s a tough one, having narcissistic parents.
I think he was mad at you because he has an ideal on how a normal kid should be, and you fall off it. Either he will learn, or you’ll gain independence from it.
Do you go to therapy? These are issues that therapy can help with, so you don’t become bitter over it.
We tend to overlook the good things about people because of their mistakes, I did that my whole life. Eventually changed that outlook, but still fall for it sometimes. It’s a hard one.
Exactly what I think he was thinking about the normal kid thing. And I do go to therapy which is part of the reason I’m not real bitter about it. It doesn’t actually bother me when I am not around my dad, but when I am around him it is sort of this constant pestering that just drives me crazy. I try all I can at some times but I think because I am so irritable, peoples mistakes can really anger me, but I try to never let it show because I know that it is not their fault. Unfortunately I guess my dad does not have that viewpoint.
That’s really mature of you.
You’re only human, you’re bound to make mistakes also about people. When you say you don’t like people I think that has to do with your paranoia that they might hurt you, and the feeling of being disconnected from other people, self-stigma about the illness and a bit of others stigma as well. It’s not your fault, but people aren’t that bad. We all have flaws you know, the trick is not to be so attached to the bad side of things.
The same with your parents, at least they’re helping you get your treatment right? Even if they don’t understand the illness.
I think people see us at fault, like we are responsible for our illness and that we caused it. They cannot accept the entropy, which is biological randomness which is sometimes to blame for mental illness, or worse, they cannot accept that it is their genes and if not genes then their parenting which caused the illness.
It’s like your investments crashed and you had been counting on them to pay for your retirement…freaking literally that is what happens. Ouch!
But yeah, they cannot accept what has happened. It must be our fault. Well it is how it is. Let’s let the neurobiologists and geneticists figure out whose fault it is. Our tax dollars often pay for them to figure things like that out, ya know.
I say stop blaming and start fixing. I wouldn’t ■■■■■■■ argue about who set my house on fire, I would seek professional help to put the fire out, I would call 911 and ask for firefighters. So yeah go to a shrink and a psychiatrist. Maybe bring your parents with you.
It’s not pretty. Nope. Serious mental illness is not pretty. I have had things get worse before getting better. Even therapy and the right lifestyle is often painful and not a pretty sight.
Sounds like you know enough to be told how this really works- living well despite this brain disease is true grit. It takes some serious mental force to overcome this shitty deal. Setbacks will happen, you probably will have an episode or a relapse, you probably will take meds with nasty side effects for the rest of your life.
But it is so badass to overcome a brain disease. I mean damn. It’s something to be proud of! Anyone who says otherwise is ignorant as to what you (we) experience, or else they would call you “sir” or give you a hug.
I think you’re right about why I don’t like people, you pretty much hit it spot on. I’d say my mom definitely is helping me a lot and my dad is kinda objecting to how we are doing it a lot (he wants to put me on anxiety meds even though I’m having all these psychotic symptoms and don’t even have a diagnosis haha), but we aren’t really letting him. Thank you for the kind words
Exactly how I am feeling. I came up with a good analogy. All of these sayings are equally as idiotic: “You have depression. stop being depressed.” “You have paranoid schizophrenia. Stop being so paranoid and stop hallucinating”. And, “You have cancer. Stop having tumors.” Haha but it’s true overcoming a mental illness (especially something like sz) is really something to be proud of. But what I would like to see is one sz recovery event, concert, commercial, donation option at the grocery store, something. All diseases are a big deal and they all should have attention put towards them.
Maybe these arguments wouldn’t occur if you guys had a dictionary.
Well it was my dad said the first one and I was just responding - plus I usually my speech can get pretty bad sometimes. You are on a schizophrenia forum you know.
No, I agree with you. I know it was bad for my parents, they were in agony when they had to watch me suffer. They couldn’t have been more supportive but I believe it was worse for me. I know they felt my pain and my dad would have sacrificed his life to protect me but they couldn’t know exactly what I was going through.
Right. They obviously had to go through a lot, but we have to go through disabling symptoms every second of every day which makes everything extremely hard.
I’m really sorry your parents feel that way (it’s wrong IMO). I don’t know how my dad feels about my having schizophrenia because he never talks about it, I can tell it affects him but he never says anything (I should also mention that my dad was very abusive while I was growing up, and so was his dad, as was his dad, as was his dad…we have problems, to put it succintly). My mom is very supportive though. She doesn’t understand it at all but always supports me. I hope your parents can be supportive too, you deserve it.
That’s horrible. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Do you think the abuse had anything to do with your developing schizophrenia? Thank you for the kind words.
I was offput and kinda stupid growing up (no common sense, no problem-solving abiliity outside of mathematics and games, [i.e. no real-world problem solving], very slow, no athletic ability, no drive, no motivation) and my dad was just a jerk sometimes. It was mental, emotional, and physical abuse, but it was worse before I began to exhibit symtpoms. That just had to do with getting CPS called on him because my brother went to school and told his class that dad choked him (probably not true, doesn’t seem like his “style”, i.e. not something he would do). So my dad began to see that he was becoming like his dad and things got a little better after 6th grade. Around junior year of high school it was the worst, though. Anyway I don’t think it had anything to do with it. But yeah he hasnt really tried to be supportive about it or understand it at all. Don’t really know what’s up with him. HIs dad (my grandpa) used to beat the ■■■■ outta him, and mentally abuse him like crazy. That probably had more to do with it than my schizophrenia.
Wow. That’s terrible. My dad is definitely not supportive but he’s far from abusive.
Not to judge, but you dad has no empathy or fellow feeling for either of the Jakes, but for himself and the other parent. In other words, only for what he is and knows. Seems like a shallow existence. I feel for you @Jake13, and pity those who know nothing beyond themselves. Hang in, my friend!
No I completely agree. He really is so narcissistic. Thank you for the kind words!
If I remember there are audios online that show people a small taste of what it’s like to be a schizophrenic. I can’t find it right now but it helped a lot of my friends understand a small portion of it, and most of them began to sympathise with me and whoever they would ever meet that’s a schizophrenic. There are also videos online that they can watch. There are websites with tons of information. It may not be easy, but try to get your parents to listen to these audios and watch videos, and do a lot of reading. They just might change their tune.
EDIT: I won’t post the auditory simulations because they might be triggering for some people, are pretty realistic, were affecting me negatively, and I don’t want anyone to experience that if they don’t have to.