Its a big part of my illness… Am i alone on this here? Sometimes i litterraly hide the others. In a way, i fear some kind of aggression from their part, something like this… I also feel invisible to them and am uncomfortable to pass as crazy, to have my psychophysical symptoms in front of them… But aps never helped me on this. Now i just try a bit lower dose of zyprexa… I am sad i still spend my life like this, in isolation… Am i wrong to want fight my fears just by the will? But you should believe me, i was never fine on aps, never. And god knows, that i tried those kind of meds…
Please support, tell me that one day ill be less scared if i continue affronting my fears… It feels like ill die, maybe its a panic too apart from the paranoia and anxiety… Maybe i should tell myself its just an impression?
I read you always, but i didnt post those days. Whats up with you? 
I guess many of us here are all alone as me, no?.. Yeah, hard thing…
What fears do you have?
I fear the interaction with the others in general… I know they are not aggressive to me, but I am afraid that they could be rude to me… I guess I feel guilt for nothing and I sometimes find something bad in me…
Other times, I can get quite hypocondrical… I am afraid of some dark forces eventually, who can put me in helplessness state, something like this. I am just here in my bed, worrying, and all this is accompanied with physical symptoms - weakness in my legs, tight stomach, impossibility to move cause too scared. Its like this. But the aps never helped me and the bigger doses make me just crazier. Its not that they don’t help, its worse than that - they make me crazier… So i’ll try just 7,5 mg of Zyprexa now, not the 10 mgs, but I am not sure my will be strong enough to help my fears… But I fight believe me. I go out now a bit more than before, but I still have fears… I don’t know why the aps never relieved my fears, its strange, no?
@Anna1 Does therapy help your fears?
I have plenty of fears @Anna1.
I know what your going through.
But, wave, can we get over them just by trying? By will and more exposure? I prefer this to the bunch of meds. I would have chosen the meds, but ive tried them for 9 years with no result at all. They even don’t maintain me well… Nothing, I feel nothing on Zyprexa. Its a candy med for me…
I guess you’ve seen in the hospitals schizophrenics who hide in their beds, isn’t it? I guess sometimes its typical… Maybe not for this forum, but sometimes I hide, yeap…
Meds help with my fears a bit but they don’t eliminate them completely.
I think that my fears are just a part of who I am.
We have to learn how to control them better.
I know it’s hard.
@Wave
What fears do you have?
I am scared and worry over almost everything.
I didn’t know that. I’m so sorry!
Thank you @FlyingPurplePeopleMeeter.
You count mostly on your meds or on your efforts against your fears, wave? Me, I decided to count on me now. I would like to know, its not a mistake 
… But you are quite functional, isn’t it? When I hide even from my friends and even from my mom, I say its the illness. I am not sure the fears are me… Apart this, there is my intellectual deficiency who scares me about my future too tbh… It sucks to watch the tv, have a good concentration, but not getting a point from some things…
Are you still on meds @Anna1?
Have you tried antidepressants alongside AP’s, or do they make you manic?
Yes, yes…
151515
Yeap, I tried. They raise my physical symptoms so the fears too. Never lifted my emotions… I just get my physical waves hundred times worse and get quite excitated but not in a nice way…
Maybe I should count on my efforts, pals, no? Don’t judge only by the meds pls… There would be no ill people if they were such a help… They don’t work on me, really… Tell me, my will can help me quite a lot, no?
Well, I mean, I’ve been trying to not “judge only by the meds,” for months now, but every time I tried, you shot me down and then proceeded to make a big scene about “people” saying you don’t need meds even though no one ever said that even once. Then, when you PM’ed me for help, I told you I’d help you find a new psychiatrist outside of eastern Europe who would do video sessions and send you meds through an online pharmacy, but you ignored me. So really, my question is simple; what would you like for us to tell you, because you’re clearly not interested in our advice.
I am too hopeless from all the psychiatrists in general. Plus, I still consider my ex pdoc tried the best what she could for me… she just ended up by saying to stop switching meds. I cant switch them forever circle… and sorry, I suffer. I am not a bad person. I just needed some support. and maybe to be assured, that I can overcome my fears by efforts…
I fear for my future, wthhhhh is gonna happen in terms of my mental health, ya know??