Hi all!
Well, the meds never eliminated completely my fear… Its in my guts, its very physical too…
I guess, that my curse is, that i know too well, that i am ill, i am too much aware of my deficits… But anyway. I fight now, this is the good news lol 
My fear affected my thinking even, thats why the meds dont work well i find. Its hard to fix a sz thinking i find lol…
I was even to the mall today, heh… But i was scared. At least, my fear felt more on the surface etc… Maybe this is a good sign, i dont oppress it so much anymore, i try to let go too in fact…
Maybe its strange, that i have fear even on meds, but as i said, maybe i am too aware that i am sick. I still can think, that the others can see outside, that i am ill or sz… 
Who else was scared too? Do you believe, that the efforts can help me on that, when the meds couldnt do that? I have almost no choice in fact lol…
Take care all!
Fear increases when people avoid things i think. When you face them it dissipates. I think the key is “work” or facing small difficulties every day. Thats how we grow that muscle of bravery i think.
I see, thanks… But i am a little bit scared, that i am left with my efforts on that lol… Idk if i’ll always have the motivation to fight… The aps always worked on the fears of my friends… While my pdoc was saying, that my zyprexa can work in my case in years lol, while i am trying to go out and socialize too lol… Someone here even told me, that she lies to me… I guess the meds cant help me more… I even tried them all too, so i am done with that i think… I was even probably made number, duller, which is a good soil for the fear i find lol… Now i left my brain to recover, i pay efforts now for sure… But can they pull me out of the fear? Fear fixed with efforts in sz? I am not sure this is achievable but anyway…
I see. I dont mean to say that it can put you out of sz…only meds and theraly can do thay but…it can only help. Also in some ways therapy is facing yoru fears…revisitng those ideas etc. Its working on yourself i think…to dispell the delusions. Anywyas thats just my 2 cents, hope you find the answer youre looking for
Thanks for the answer
I have a somatic disorder as well in fact, conversion disorder… I guess my emotions are not in order too, so i have that…
In fact, i spent 10 years with my ex pdoc, only trying meds and i never felt real better. We just found, that the zyprexa helps a bit, maintains me to not be in my bed, but nothing more… So my ex pdoc ended up by saying to pay efforts now, while taking still my ap.
The problem is that my current pdoc said to me, that you cant fix sz with efforts, but he didnt offer me more meds either, he just insisted that i keep taking the zyprexa. He said, that without it, i’ll be in bed too…
Tbh, i try to search for peace now, to fulfil myself with positive emotions etc and this apeased me more than the meds… I still am scared etc but maybe sometimes efforts work, no? I take the ap though, this is true too. But i am on it since 7 years and it never lifted my mood or smth like that…
Anyway, i guess sometimes the life is to be also about a bit of unhappiness too… Cause i ahd my sick ambitions too, i agree… I know, that its an illness till life, but id wish i feel just fine now the most of the time…
Hugs @ThePoet , thanks for answering lol 
hope you feel better. This illness sucks but dw you got this!
Mine disappeared some with meds, some with therapy, and some from rejoining the world and realizing that I still fit better than I thought I did (I am good at catastrophizing).
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