When I was playing in a soccer game, during P.E. class a very overweight boy was running across the field…and I happened to kick the ball really hard. The ball hit him in the foot and he fell down.
Another time, I was playing little league baseball. I was at bat, and I swung at a pitch…and I missed the ball…and I farted at the same time. I thought, imagine the catcher.
Another time, I was on my deck…and I was getting ready to eat a pizza. Then a bird flew over me and crapped on my pizza.
I think the funniest times of my life was when my friend and I would go to bars. When men would talk to us, we would be drunk and make up ridiculous stories that probably sounded stupid, but we thought it was hysterical. My boyfriend was fun at bars too. We used to dance like sprockets from SNL.
I had a small party for my friends. The dessert was a chocolate pudding with sauce of red berries. I served it, arranged like a turd / ■■■■ with the sauce of red berries looking like blood and called the dish for “bloody stools”… One of the guest couldn’t eat it. I know it’s immature, childish, but it was a lot of fun and it tasted very good.
A lot of things, but one of the funniest was catching a clam when I went fishing. It literally closed over my hook. My friend thought I had half a fish until we checked closer.
Speaking of bars @anon6551389 , my cousin and I used to bar hop. We convinced the patrons and bartender at one that I was a star on a tv show that was popular at the time.
Idk if its appropriate but a guy in high school was watching a horse fking a girl in the computer lab. Everyone saw him. The instructor came later from the bathroom and yelled at him putting him outside.
Some kids were browsing the web when the ‘this site is blocked’ message came up. The teacher walked behind, saw the sign and said 'O, look! We are on Big Boobies.com again!"
I am still wondering if the video was real, it looked real. I guess that some people have serious psychological issues eventhough they don’t have a mental illness like us.
The other day I was sitting on the chair and talking to my partner via zoom and was trying to show him something. I lost my balance and fell even though I was only sitting.
I fall of chairs a lot. Last time I wanted to get something from the cupboard and used a swivel chair and fell.
I was 21 in a psyche ward. For some reason I thought I could understand and help everybody. I was pretty honest.
We had a nurse there who used to pick her nose and eat it. She would do it in groups. One day we were in group and there was about six of us and two nurses. One of the nurses was the one who picked her nose.
Sure enough about halfway through the group she started digging in her nose and eating whatever came out. I was looking at her and I said to her so everybody could hear it, “If you stopped picking your nose and eating it, people would like you better.”
I was just trying to help but everybody froze for about three seconds and there was dead silence. Then everybody acted like I had never said it and just went on talking. It wasn’t funny at the time but now it’s hilarious to me.
Back when I was about 25 years old and addicted to crack I was sharing a house with three other guys. I spent all my money on crack and had no food.
My roommate felt sorry for me and he gave me his debit card and his pin and told me I could go to his bank and withdraw $75.00 for food and then come back. I got his debit card but I withdrew $200 and went to get drugs and met a hooker and her boyfriend and we got some coke and heroin and shot up and we hung out in their motel room and had a few adventures.
I didn’t come back for three days and when I finally wandered in, broke, dirty and burned out my friend was furious and he told me called the police in three neighboring cities to look for me and he sat in the living room with his gun waiting for me to walk in the door so he could shoot me. But he got tired and went to bed.
I mean, who gives a known crack addict their debit card and their pin?
Sheesh, he should have known something like that was going to happen.
Well I can’t top @77nick77 ’s story but…
When I worked for the phone company a customer called and said “I’d like to get my phone turned on” to which I replied “I’d be happy to help you with your turn on!” When I realized what I’d said I had to put the mute button on cos I cracked up