Tell me your funny stories 
my dog once talked to me. it asked me how my days had been, and how i was. that was actually a quite fun hallucination 
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voice A: "i am not reading the book, i am reading your mind"
voice B: "after my mind get splited, i just dont know which side is telling the truth"
voice A: "so what am i reading"
voice B: āyour mind, sirā
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One time before I got ill I was super aware of how many fat grams I ate a day. I went into a store while I was on the slim fast diet and bought a can of the drink along with a bag of pork rindsā¦the friend that was with me was laughing hysterically that I would eat pork rinds while on a dietā¦funny looking backā¦
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This may not be the funniest thing, but came to mind. While living in uptight and snobby Orange County, I was walking toward the entrance to the CVS store. It had been raining and water was dripping here and there. Just as I got to the entrance, water came off the roof and completely doused me, as if someone had dumped a bucket over my head. I started laughing so hard becauseā¦it was funny! But a few women who looked at me just looked uncomfortable, like I had done something to upset their day. I kept laughing and did my shopping all soaking wet. It was hilarious. 
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I think that is really funny! Most people wouldnāt but thatās their problem. The funniest things are unexpected ones. One time when my son was little he came running up to me and tried to plop himself in a running jump into the chair next to me and missed the chair completely (he wasnāt hurt) but I thought is was so funny I started laughing out loud and couldnāt stop and my girlfriend probably thought I was the most terrible mom! But funny is funny.
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Thatās cute and funny! Made me think of a time when my son was about three. I was at an ATM and he was standing next to me with his little backpack onā¦I turned to leave and he was gone! I called him and was frantic. Then I heard his little voice āIām hereā. I looked and he had fallen backwards over this little wall and under a bush! (Also not hurt) How that happen??? So funny!
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Iād like toā¦ but I canāt remember off the top of my head. Like how they crop up contextually.
One I did recall earlier was discovering on a walk home from the bars that one of my buddies could do a jumping roundhouse kick at up to 6 feet in heightā¦ it took some convincing but I managed to get him to round house me in the faceā¦ hahā¦ definitely dropped me.
Mister Sketch or Drew Sketchā¦ we called that one. Cool dude. Definitely one of the better of us. In terms of physicality and self-controlā¦ and all in all not being a ā ā ā ā in peoples cuts.
hmmmmā¦
Another storyā¦ my bro and I were climbing trees as a kid. My brother slipped and I somehow managed to catch his arm. I was looking down and seeing my little bro twisting around hopelessly. I was unable to pull him up or even really hold him for long. the dialogueā¦ Him: āItās alright man, just let me fall.ā Me: ādude you sure I mean I know I canāt hold you.ā Him(smiling): āDude itās going to be fine.ā Me: āAlright Iām letting go.ā ā¦ my brother then falls the 6 to 8 feet (2-3 meters) as an 8 year old and hits the ground. I watched him get smaller and smaller until the collision. He getās up bawling lolā¦ runs off. Childhood shenanigans.
Once found a girl who stumbled out of a house and must have passed out on the sidewalkā¦ purse right in front of her all spread out. Me and the girl I was with woke her up and got her ā ā ā ā together and coordinated her getting somewhereā¦ blurry detailsā¦ drunken eveningā¦ funny thoughā¦ donāt see that to often.
Really thoughā¦ there have been countless occurrences that have left me laughing until my gut hurtā¦ but most of that is in the distant past and I donāt recall anything in particular.
Most of my favorite stories I reflect on are about girls and high school shenanigans.
The several times Iāve become a vomit fountain in inappropriate situationsā¦
While all that had to do with intoxication. There were some good sober stories back there.
Iāve got consistently funny friendsā¦ absurdly funny friends. We used to have good times back then though everyone has spread out at this point. A lot of the stories are pretty uhhhā¦ not totally righteous and involve drugs. Wrecking cars and breaking into places we shouldnāt have been. Beings sneaks and getting out of troubleā¦ with rents, cops, and whoever else was trying to control usā¦ I might indeed deserve this illnessā¦
That said aint nothing worse than when a few of the guys in my class threw some roadkill in the schools public microwaveā¦ hahaā¦ that ā ā ā ā stank lol.
Two stories
My buddy in high school and i were up late.
I convinced him to try and catch a pea with his tongue after throwing it in the air. He threw the pea in the air and it went down his wind pipe. Lol
My other buddy in high school and i were leaving his house and it was winter. There was a huge puddle and he went to jump it and slipped. He fell right in the puddle with his new leather jacket. Lol
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A pretty girl asked me out to coffee. Actually I think I would call it more unbelievable than funny. But it was so unbelievable that it was funny.
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Giving a women I had just met a ride home but than we decided instead to drive to the beach at 2:00 am. We got there and parked and started fooling around . All of a sudden a beam of light appeared and blinded me and I heard a tap,tap,tap. on the window. It was a cop. He let us get dressed and then he ordered us out of the car.
I had parked illegally he told me and then he said he was going to write each of us a ticket for disturbing the peace or indecent exposure or something like that.
P.S. We drove home and I dropped her off at her house and I never saw her again.
P.S.S She left her bra in my car and I kept it as a momento to remember our romantic evening that night. I still have it 30 years later. Just kidding. She actually did leave her bra in my car but I threw it out. It was purple.
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Hereās a pic of a dam, we were canoeing a long time ago, had our bathing suits on, a bunch of people near it dared me to slide down it. Always up for some fun, down I went and it it completely shred my bathing suit and had to walk the walk of shame back to the canoe and we paddle home. Got a nice even tan on the way there 
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When my twin girls were 5 years old, they pulled my track pants down to my knees when my hands were full at a Tim Hortonās.
I wasnāt wearing any underwear, and everyone in line behind me got a good shot at my bare butt!
The girls ran away giggling. I didnāt have the heart to scold them, though. It was a pretty good gag for their age. Iām all about the laugh! 
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Iām a delivery driver and I went to a house to deliver pizza and this old lady kept going on about how if she was younger she would have totoally dated me. Sheās like, Iām happily married but if I was younger, I would totally get with you. I just laughed and said thank you and drove off laughing my ass off.
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I was like 15 and it was 32 degrees and snowing hard. I had a paper route so my dad took me in his older rear wheel drive car. Where at a crawl spinning up this hill. These people in this front wheel drive Caddy came flying around us blaring there horn and almost clipping our front end. Later coming down the hill a couple blocks over there was the well dressed wealthy couple walking down the sidewalk. My dad said āwatch thisā veered over to the edge of the road . The man lifted his hand and pointed as a 8 foot wall of slush came down on him and his wife. Not to nice but I think they had it coming. And it is a funny memory of my Dad.
I saw a guy casually sit in a chair that had a nest of fire ants in it down in Puerto Rico once. Iāve never seen someone move so fast in my life. Itās funny now because he didnāt get hurt in the process.
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My grandma broke into my house at 3am one winter night.
My grandma thought she got rabies after she hand fed grapes to a diseased possum.
My mom told my grandma that she had to take my dad to the hospital for chest pain and instead of coming to the hospital to check on her son, she came to our house and sat in her car in our driveway for 3 hours. She has a key to our house.
My grandmaās doctor told her to stay hydrated with lots of water. She said she doesnāt like water and will just drink coffee instead because you use water to make coffee soā¦same thing.
My grandma buys broken toys at yard sales because "for 25Ā¢ I just couldnāt leave it.
My grandma thinks āmirrorā is spelled and pronounced āmirrowā and āchiropractorā is spelled and pronounced āchoir-practor.ā
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Was at a party in my 20āsā¦
My friend was really drunk and went upstairs, stripped naked and got in bed with my other friendās Mom! It was an accident, but my buddy never lived that one down! lol!
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I was at a party and we were all passing a bong around that was stuffed with some really strong skunk #1. There were all kinds of people in a circle hot chicks, hippies, lots of people. When I took a hit I got so stoned that I thought the bong was a saxophone and there was a jam playing in the background. I proceeded to try to play the bong like a saxophone and got a mouthful of bongwater and covered in the ā ā ā ā . Everyone started laughing but I didnt care because I we were all having so much fun.
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