Hi, I’m curious how many of you have had very spiritual experiences happen to you while psychotic?
When I went psychotic I had visions. That each persons consciousness makes up part of an uber-consciousness that is greater than a sum of all its parts. The uber-consciousness is what we call god. Certain people occasionally can transcend regular consciousness and experience being one with god.
The only way I can describe it is that it was pure, unadulterated joy and love. It was like being one with the creative force of the universe. I felt as if I could observe myself from outside of my body laying on the hospital bed and that I had none of the pains of having a psychical body.
During my visions I experienced time as cyclical and reoccurring for all eternity. That during the moment of creation of the universe, every event in history was predetermined. Although we perceive ourselves as being in control, it’s simply a delusion. Every “choice” that we’ve made in life was predetermined by a chain of events that leads to the moment of creation. This is where the sense of deja vu emerges, it’s the momentary realization that time is cyclical and that you have lived this life before.
We all have predetermined roles to play that is part of a divine plan that is perfect. The divine plan will lead to the destruction and rebirth of our universe. Some people unfortunately have worse roles than others to “play” with more pain and suffering. The good news is that everybody gets to return to the source to experience pure love again in their mother’s womb upon their death. They are then reborn again to play their role in the divine plan that leads to infinite destruction and creation of the universe.
In ways this is a horrifying idea, since every sin or mistake that you’ve made in your life, you must live over again for all eternity. On judgment day your entire life will flash before your eyes and before you merge with the uber-consciousness, you will judge the life that you have lived on this earth. For those who have lived a virtuous life, they get the joy of knowing that for all eternity they get to be in “heaven”. For those who have not lived a virtuous life they receive the horror of knowing that they get to be in “hell”. The good news is that it’s never too late to change and go back on the right path to ease your suffering for all eternity.
I’ve never written about my visions before so perhaps some of the concepts don’t fully make sense. It’s difficult to describe the experience because it was very over-whelming.
Has anyone else had similar spiritual experiences while psychotic?
PLEASE DO NOT TURN THIS INTO A THEOLOGICAL DEBATE. IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH SOMEONE ABOUT THEIR BELIEFS JUST KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.
Only share if you have had a similar spiritual experience while psychotic.
I’ve felt a connection to a higher being. That the higher being was following me. It was just behind me sometimes but mostly above me. My pdoc saw this as a sign of illness. I’m not religious. She upped my meds and it was gone.
Also I’ve felt that I’m about to know the truth about life. That I will get to know the secret. That was also a sign of illness according to my doc.
Yes - lots of them. A lot of very similar stuff to all this (& some).
i decided to research at depth what the actual literature says about these matters, from as many perspectives as possible. i read some 60 books on past lives/the inter life, as well as loads of other stuff.
What makes sense to me is that the soul is on a spiritual journey - that we’re travelling through an incarnational path, which has a goal & an end.
i’m not trying to change your own personal beliefs. For me, reading a lot of stuff on spirituality has helped to re-frame a lot of my experiences. The visions are real, but to my understanding that doesn’t make them literal - i have found it a help to see things in terms of symbol, myth, analogy & metaphor.
My view is that there are very strong links between psychosis & mysticism - that in cases these are visionary states & a kind of spiritual emergence/emergency. Not to negate the suffering/distress that people have as well. In other cases maybe people are ‘just’ more unwell? It’s probably very individual.
The book by John Weir Perry ‘Trials of the Visionary Mind’ is worth a read. As is Catherine Lucas ‘in case of spiritual emergency’ - loads of others as well.
I had feelings of tapping into a source . I also had a lot of closed eye visions of flying around space watching other worldly battles.
Or a vision of a huge lion roaring from a big cloud attached to a rainbow. The lion charged as 2 massive red snakes went for an attack. Then I saw Jesus spinning at light speed through the air coming to join the battle.
Or I would repeatedly get this vision of sonic the hedgehog becoming supersonic or sonic or tails drowning.
I also had a vision of myself crying in a room and someone comforting me telling me I was going to be ok.
Had visions of these words and trails of money flying around space as well.
All these visions were uncontrollable. They would just happen.
There is nothing new under the sun. i’ve been exploring & researching a lot of areas of mythology, comparative religion, spirituality, culture, & all manor of subjects - & you will find somewhere things that match.
If ‘you’ wanted to build a car, you wouldn’t start from scratch & try & reinvent the wheel, & design everything from new - you would look at all the accumulated knowledge & information on all that area & build on it all.
Within certain areas i think it’s very much a case of people redesigning the wheel the whole time - there are vast areas of writing & knowledge when looked below the surface. i think it makes sense to see what other people have said & done on all these areas.
After a lot of reading & research, i have found within the literature/information a World view that very largely fits with my own experiences, thoughts & understandings. i would never have discovered that, had i not done a lot of digging into certain areas.
I used to think I was becoming a Zen master when I felt like this… that the universe was accepting me and I was on the right path to Nirvana on earth. Sadly I’ve gotten inappropriate when I get in this state.
I used to LOVE feeling like this when I was having an episode… It felt better then anything I can remember. I was at one with the universe and taped into the well of unending and undying love. It was feeling like this that made me want to keep the psychosis going.
but now I know… it’s a very huge manic hit, and it’s not something I want to try and keep going. Being that manic… for that long only gets worse until I’m really burnt and then slide into the negative symptoms.
As far as the feeling of being out of body… I found out it has a name… depersonalization and there’s a lot of research on it.
I’ve been hitting a manic phase to the point where my doc now has me on Depakote to stabilize my mood. Good luck and I hope you find your answers.
All I know is for me… it never works out well… I’m not a Zen master.
I never used to think it was mania… I used to think it was connecting with the universe… having an energy spike that gave me boundless energy … never having to sleep again… basking in endless euphoria… and then it got out of hand.
But then of course… it all got ugly in my head… and the paranoia would come back and the hallucinations…
It wasn’t until recently that my doc has been talking more about schizoaffective disorder.
But my negative symptoms are still pretty strong… so what ever the label… I just have to do the best I can with the meds and therapy I have. Many members on here have reaffirmed to me…
For the longest time it was the negative symptoms that had me in their grip…
when I was younger and very anit-med… an episode could last… until I was involuntarily admitted. In my younger days… I never pulled out of it on my own.
Not like I seem to now. These days… I know when I’m not feeling level and I know to keep my crisis team close. I know to call my doc or therapist and get a tune up.
This past 6 months it feels like I’ve been going through a hypomanic spike every other month… followed by two weeks of flat disconnected numbness.
The last few times the highs were getting higher while the lows were getting cognitively flatter. The poverty of speech was coming in strong and keeping motivated was a full on battle.
It’s taken a bit to get used to… but the Depakote seems to be leveling out. I’m not feeling so up and down.
When I was younger… there were about three long episodes where I was out of my head with euphoric love and nakedness…