Iām a bit like @SurprisedJ itās hard to define my first break. When I was 7, I was convinced people were watching me through cracks in the walls and plotting to kill me. I was very distressed during that time, Iād hear music during that time and feel physical sensations.
But what I consider the beginning was gradual, I started off depressed and very anxious, I started being unable to sleep, I would be awake until 4am, then wake up 7am, somehow I survived living like that, then my uncle committed suicide⦠I went downhill, during that year I may have been abused by a partner or not, I was very clear at what happened at the beginning, when I started talking, but peopleās reactionās forced me to suppress it and stop talking. My psychosis protects me from the truth, I fear the day I let go, the ptsd will come back.
Anyway it started with, me having to meditate to protect my uncle from his death in the afterlife.I meditated for hours. I lost my faith and then became suicidal, walked in the dark for hours at a time. One day I looked to the moon, and felt like a weight was lifted, my faith returned in nature. I started to see trees wave at me, regained energy from the earth, then things got dark⦠I came home to find a man in my living room he said āI am your protector, listen to what I say and you wonāt be killedā I genuinely thought he was real and I just accepted it⦠I should have realised something was wrong. He turned into a voice, only physically manifesting in public when I was stressed. More voices came along. I saw multiple dimensions, I am the time keeper and because I was the government was using my unconscious as a storage device. I started seeing spies and knowing I was an enemy to the state, I was going to be killed and theyād get the secrets, so I started planning my own death with a vicious accuracy. As the day loomed I got more and more agitated I spilled to a psychiatrist who hadnāt met me before, and they held me hostage for about 7 hours, my parents came, a few days later I was admitted.
My break never really ended they mistreated me, the best Iāve gotten is on chlorpromazine and Iām still symptomatic, I donāt think Iāll ever fully recover because I was left so long (probably due to the ptsd confusion and the fact they thought I was lying as I didnāt respond to atypicals).
I am definitely in a different plane of time, but I never actually stayed in one as long as I did in that first break.