I know that when I started to get ugly psychosis I had to get help for my self and know more about schizophrenia, so I found the old forum about two months ago and started posting…but now I regained what I thought to be a blessed beyond-normal state of mind, or only part of it for now…I thought that god is making up for me that I was so tortured by my ugly symptoms when I was a child, and that I felt like I never lived my childhood because of that, so I’m having this beautiful psychosis to make up for the past but I know now that it is a symptom of schizophrenia, I think that schizophrenics who have this type of psychosis don’t seek help or think that they have a problem, because in essence it is more like living in heaven, exactly the opposite of my ugly and horrifying psychosis where you feel like you’re living hell. Some people who experience this also might get the delusion of being a god or a prophet, luckily I don’t
I’ll be mostly alone, or alone in my head, I start feeling happy and satisfied, an overwhelming feeling takes over me and I feel lifted up to the heavens, like I entered a different dimension, and I’m occupying all of the universe and sense its mystical secrets, a feeling that I know everything takes over me, and going beyond the stupid materialistic desires, death don’t scare me any more, everything is possible and all dreams can be true…a joyous feeling posses my body and soul and tears of extreme happiness start to fall involuntarily…
It was so hard that I couldn’t find resources about what I experience, all what psychiatry mention about psychosis is evil I found in an article two different sz who have described that experience, and the psychiatrist call it oddly a psychotic episode ! I felt most of what is written in the paragraphs for about half an hour yesterday, I even had more feelings that words can’t describe, in the past 3 years or more I experienced it everyday but I have experienced it before that two years ago, and it’s related to a fantasy I have, which seems so logical and possible, an obsession in science…( I allowed my self to remove parts of the paragraphs that I didn’t feel related to but, I didn’t change the words).
Any body have had that experience with a beautiful or mystical psychosis ?
1 All at once, without warning of any kind, I saw that the universe is not composed of dead matter, but is, on the contrary, a living Presence; I became conscious in myself of eternal life, but a consciousness that I possessed eternal life then; I saw that all men are immortal; that the cosmic order is such that without any peradventure all things work together for the good of each and all; that the foundation principle of the world, of all the worlds, is what we call love, and the happiness of each and all is in the long run absolutely certain.
2 What I saw was the Power of Love, the Power that I knew somehow to have made all the universes, past, present and to come; to be utterly infinite, an infinity of infinities, to have conquered the Power of Hate, its opposite, and thus created the sun, the moon, the planets, the earth, light, life, joy and peace, never ending…. In that peace I felt utterly and completely forgiven, relieved from all burden of sin. The whole infinity seemed to open up before me, and during the weeks and months that followed I passed through experiences which are virtually indescribable. The complete transformation of “reality” transported me as it were into the Kingdom of Heaven. I feel so close to God, so inspired by His Spirit. I am utterly and completely immortal; I am even male and female. The whole Universe, animate and inanimate, past, present and future is within me; all things are possible.
If I can only get the beautiful psychosis then I wouldn’t exchange my schizophrenia for anything, I love this feeling, I feel life because of it. I know that it’s shear crazy but I can’t help it, I have schizophrenia, and this is one of the good things about it. don’t judge me.