Sigh. Once in a while, I think it is a good idea afterall, to try a datingsite. Five minutes later, I see a problem.
“Hey there, cutie, I like traveling, beer and the fitness club, how about you?”
“Hi there, whenever my mind is not busy fighting creepy delusions…i really like locking myself inside to hyperfocus on my special interest of this moment (christian anarchism or whatever)…randomly zigzagging through town in amazement of all the beautiful details I see…and talking with my severely traumatized 92-year old Jewish neighbour for hours. Isn’t that fun?”
So. How does one bridge this? I can do normal-passing in a picture, an elevator pitch, and a date once a week. But then what?!? Poor guy probably runs off in sheer panic, if I start to show my real experiences, interests, etc.
I have used dating sites in the past. It was good for me at the time but I met a lot of weirdos. I have had my fair share of relationships online. I find what you said funny though, maybe someone is just gonna laugh it off and still have a good chat with you.
I found a more diplomatic way to say the above. Which still signals “I’m mentally instable”, to every normal guy. So I need to rethink this.
The thing is: I do not want to get laid. IF I date. I want a life partner. A stable relationship. With a person normal enough that we do not drag each other into bullshi*. And weird enough to be interesting to me. And me to him. I still strongly doubt if dating is a good idea anyway.
I bring myself into the relationship too though. Which is kind of a destabilizing factor. I am sure I can show someone care. And have fun and interesting times with them. But I cannot do the live-together-and-be-normal-24/7-thing. I’m sure.
My husband says he knew I was off on our first date while I was thinking I was hiding that I was being followed and that I was receiving messages from God, bunnies, and crows. I didn’t tell him for months. When I did he thought it all finally made sense. He asked questions and I answered them. We agreed I needed to fess up to the pdoc about all of it. We ended up getting married. I’m now on disability because work was too hard and it made me worse. I need a calm environment.
Anyway, my point is, even if you are “off” there are people out there who will love you regardless.
Yeah, I think any guy who is even vaguely empathic, senses there is something off. Even from my first texts. I tend to not really hide that I’m not neurotypical. But I do not think most acquaintances irl get the extent of this. My colleague said, lately: “well he is weird, so I don’t blame him…he even spent time in a ward once…but if normal people like you would do this, I would be angry…”.
It is hopeful some kind people look beyond the weird stuff. Thanks for that. It is great that he responded so empathicly.
I think I should first be less frightened of relationships. More stable. That is more kind to the other person. And myself. But I miss a partner too.
@dreamer54, yeah, maybe that doesn’t work. I do not know. My cousin married someone this way. But I’m frightened to attract abusers, who sense that I’m vulnerable.
Ok. I had a guy respond: I am slightly intimidated by your intellect, strength (what, me? I’m frightened of bumper stickers and butterflies) and femininity…but at the same time that is what I am looking for in a lady.
Now I’m wondering: was I not honest enough? Or is he not honest?
I think it’s hard to know how to respond to that guy saying that, but I guess you could make a joke about yourself in regards to that but I’m not sure what to say
Me and my partner started as friends we had some common interests and we decided to try it. 3 years later and we’re still going strong.
I think starting as friends was the best way to start a relationship cause they were already used to my oddities and so nothing was really a surprise for them.
I love my partner and they’re so patient and kind and gentle. I feel lucky to have them.
Honestly I don’t think you should give up. Though I’m unsure if dating apps are the best way to go. Honestly meeting people through a hobby or a group of some kind is probably easiest
@Noise, that is great. Happy you found them. Maybe a dating site feels safer in a way…exactly because it is less realistic that something is going to happen. I do not need to deal with the actual scary situation of a relationship with all its flaws and vulnerabilities…I’m just looking.
In my social circle I have married friends. My ex. And some neighbours. I actually was just invited at the neighbour’s house. He is kind. Gentle. And odd. But not in a creepy way. Which may be the right balance. He’s been taking initiative. Who knows. Maybe I should be more open to the people who are in my life already.
A little peice of advice id give would be to treat the time you spend on the dating sites as a bit of fun. Dont take it so seriously. And expect that youll have to siv through dozens and dozens of hilariously terrible candidates before you come across anyone you might like.
Have fun on there like its a video game or something haha. Until you find people you wanna get to know deeper.
Also theres this tactic i use for job interviews that might be helpful for dating apps.
I go there with the intention of seeing wether the job would suit me, instead of trying to desperately fit myself into what the interviewers want for the position.
See how that could translate into dating sites?
Anyway hope that helps somewhat.
