Rant - I feel lonely

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So remember my friend who we bought the ticket for Arcade Fire? Well she sold the ticket. I gave mine to our other friend, so she can have company to go with. I’m still going to Radiohead with them but now I really don’t want to go. And if by a miracle they decide to sell that ticket too, I won’t have a ride I won’t be able to go as well. And that’s fine, I really don’t care at this point.

Another one of my friends sent me an email saying I’m satanic… That one, he’s not well, heavily paranoid, I can’t really help him, he despises all kinds of medicine and big pharma and the rest of the things we all know and adore.

One of my best friends she’s stuck on a relationship with a sociopath and I can’t be around her much because she starts talking like him and he’s an assh*le, and it’s highly triggering so I won’t talk about it. But I miss her when she wasn’t with him and told her bluntly I dislike her with him, maybe I shouldn’t but well, I did it anyway.

My best friend in the whole world hasn’t come to Portugal in about two years, I was really psychotic the last time I saw him and he’s keeping his distance, just checking on me from time to time.

The rest of the people I know well, since I don’t drink or go to parties, I’m boring as hell to be around, me talking is about serious issues and I can’t really talk about things that don’t interest me. So I keep my distance, and now I feel lonely as hell.

All my crushes crash and burn, I fall in love with the wrong guys so now I refuse to fall in love. Adding to the loneliness.

Well, sorry for the long post, thank you if you read it, I’ll shut up now.

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I think we’re both in the same boat. My problem is I have nothing in common with normies. So I just can’t relate anymore.

Pretending only gets you so far.

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I’m sorry you’re feeling so lonely. :frowning2:

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My favorite friends are complete normies. All the ones I have issues with have MI, so we’re on opposite boats. But I get what you mean, I don’t have anything in common with most people either. I feel boring as hell to be honest.

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Thanks Tree :heart:

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Do they have any drop in or activity centres for the mentally ill in Lisbon, Min? I didn’t have much of a social life myself during my first year of volunteering at the hospital. I know there’s still a fair amount of illness at these places, but being back at the recovery centre has really been a godsend for me. Just a suggestion.

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It’s a good suggestion, but the ones I know about are activity centers for severe mental illness, I’m high functioning I don’t relate or fit in there.

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Yes, we’re on opposite boats. You’re right.

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One of the problems with friends is that they come with complications. It’s always been my strategy to minimize complications, so I have few friends. Then I come to understand that it is worth it to have friends. I can understand your loneliness. It seems like I feel loneliest when I have a number of friends I can’t really communicate with and who I feel separate from. I really know what you mean about drinking friends. That kind of thing can be a stronger bond than you might think. I think the best strategy is to realize that this will pass. You won’t feel this way forever. You have to take friends as they come and go. Some people you’re better off not having as friends.

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Wise words crimby, thank you :slight_smile:

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I find that after being promiscuous and also being in a “codependent” or more colloquially, a “toxic” relationship, I am better off single. I get more done on my own. Friends who I spent time with back home were alright, but they did things like drink and be idle, stay out late, basically not have their sh*t together. I keep in touch with friends who have gone onto graduate school, a classmate of mine who is now a medical student kindled a friendship with me when he discovered that he and I were the only ones from our high school class to be going into doctoral programs in clinical fields. One other is going to PhD in biomedical or something, not quite the same as practicum-based education. I really clicked with him. I feel like I will make friends in the program once it starts up, I have half of my books and I am working on them, just started, I had to revisit ethics and philosophy (especially the roots of science), as well as read up-to-date neuro literature. I then spent a week studying pharmacology while changing meds, it was hell. I am also working on research for my next thesis, those are inevitable and the work needs to be done, so I am going ahead and playing with topics. I landed on some questions about the dark triad after reviewing some of the literature.

It is best to focus on your health over everything else save for your livelihood, your career, what you do, because we need to pay rent and eat…but we need to be healthy to do so.

I am a bit of a hermit, but I am consequentially an accomplished scholar. I just escape from the psychic pain by learning. I am working with a therapist who graduated from my program who I was told to see by my director, it is part of the deal for me doing the program. He says I may be suited for forensics, which sort of sucks, because I love severe mental illness patients and I am recovery, but my personality is a bit low on empathy and high on being straight, narrow, and correct. I am taking time to mull things over, as this is serious stuff. I like being alone in this place, I am free to do my thing, and it is not frowned upon by most.

Forensics is argued by those who do it to be the most hardball game in psychology, but with my academic record, it is realistic. I just want to do what I should…I just do not know if I should work with criminals or instead become an expert on schizophrenia. Psychopathology is my forte, mainly because I have seen, lived with, or been most of the disorders. With what, I could do either…could…now to make a “should sandwich” that Albert Ellis would take away my coffee and meds for.

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Hey @minnii i’m sorry to here you are struggling. I’m feeling pretty desperate for a relationship or whatever these days as well… It kind of happens when the cards start falling into place and one feels more deserving and ready for romantic relations.

We’re out here and we care very much deeply about you.

Also a crush is called a crush because it tends to crush you. I find them okay to entertain just for the sake of the intensity of it… Rejection and crap are negligible… It’s ok to dream and feel strongly for someone. Whether it works out or not the ■■■■ still kind of fades either way. There are always more dudes and dudettes out there… No reason to get hurt over someone’s opinion cause that ■■■■’ll change all the time… That’s my two cents on the matter.

The gd craptadtic sleaze of the world and then everyone just trying to be cool as can be is wrecking the capacity for anyone to have anything genuine. The cut-throat sociopaths are strong and appealing but inside they are truly… Just… Kind of ■■■■■■ up and worthless. It might be oxytocin defiency… They are incapable of love… Really though it just boils down to them not being able to cope with the rejection that is inherent to them making long term connections with people because they are just crappy stubborn broken kids inside that won’t allow themselves to change because they had to have been right the whole time… Basically because they were alone through periods of intense social struggling… So that’s my two cents on that. I’ve got some salt if you need a grain.

Know you’re loved miss Portugal. You’re a good egg…

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Lol Thank you. I needed the laugh!

And the warmth too :heart:

I’ve been thinking a lot about the impostor syndrom you diagnosed me with. I think that applies to relationships as well, I don’t feel deserving of healthy and rewarding relationships somehow. Although, in my rational mind I do. It’s weird that way.

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Hugs to you, Minnii. hope you better.

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Thanks moonlee :slight_smile:

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Give yourself to the music of the Universe. Within that, we are never alone. Also, whenever I feel like sheet, I try to laugh. A lot. Sometimes dance my arse off. This seems to help me.
Much love, Safe travels & know you’re not alone.

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i am sure @Minnii u will find someone special someday sooner …
and he will peel off ur loneliness … and love u infinitesimally …
take care…:pray::alien:

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Same curse here. I have trouble fitting in with normies and I don’t fit in at all with others who share my DX because of my functioning level. I find that I meet and make my best friends through doing volunteer work.

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Thank you @far_cry0, that’s very sweet of you!

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Yeah, I guess when I start the volunteer gig I’ll feel less lonely, and more fulfilled.

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