Schizophrenia.com

Attempt to isolate

Been at home all day, for the most part. Left once very early on for a coffee from a nearby store. Later left for some mcdonalds. Still primarily been within the compound of my abode. I’m surprised by how well it’s going as far as me not feeling like a depressed lonely schmuck. It’s actually pretty cool. I’m going to see if I can make it a more permanent adjustment and leave running around and trying to hang out with people as a secondary aspect of my life. Kind of passive and defeatistic(sp). Symptoms are at a minimum.

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My Personal Advice Would Be Naught To Worri So Much About Being “social” ,

Sadly ,

For Us It Can Be Chaotic When Everyone Else Is Lyke “WHATS THE ■■■■■■■ PROBLEM?” ,

Then It Gets All Invasion Of Tha Body Snatchers n Nonsense ,

Getting Outside Is and Can Be Some Peace As Long As You Try and Avoid Where Your Past Chaos Was , and Remember Naught To Let Stupid Nonsense Bother You , Altho Personally It Gets Deep and I Question my Exsistence , USED TO , Question , I Am Finally Getting To Thee idea That Maybe I Can Possibly Be Helpful To Someone Out There Wishing For A Helping Hand ,

Today I Spent Some Tyme Working On My Album , I Have One Chord-ish Structure That I haven’t Decided What To Do With Yet ,

I Wrote Down About 12-ish Songs A Few Days Ago During Tha Evening While I Jus Outpoured My Soul ,

Not Bragging For Ego Can Mess Ya Up ,

But It Onli Took Me About 15 Ta 20 Min.s To Write All Tha Songs Fo Thaz Next Album ,

Tha Fun/Diffucult Part’s Gonna Be Getting Tha Chord Structure For Each Song ,

I Havent Decided Yet Which Direction Im Going To Go With Tha Album , But Im Excited … ,

But Let’s See , Personally , I Talked To My Dad A Lil Bit and We Are Getting Along Much Better Then Tha Recent Past ,

He’s Tough To Live With For He Says Nothing and Jus Stares At Tha T.V. , So I Feel Lyke I Have To Walk On Eggshells In Order To Avoid Anger and Other Nonsense ,

I’m Working On It Tho and Things Are Gonna Be Ok ,

N E Hoo , Have A Great Mourning/Noon/Nite/Evening Whatevah and Stay Safe …

(quick edit) - My Two Voices Are Annoying Tha Shizz Out Of Me , For Everytime I Start To Get Some Thot Space They Start Whispering , Nothing Violent and Nothing To Hurt Me , I Lyke Their Company It’s jus Im On A Day To Day Looping Status , If That Makes Sense … , and When I Say Whispering I Mean , When They Speak I Stop Doing Everything To Hear Them and I Jus Wish They Would Speak Louder , Hence Why I Question Tha Scientific idea Of It Being Instinctual , Im Spiritual So Im Sure You Can Guess Where My Thots May Or May Naught Go With Such …

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I Hate To Double Post But Thus May Be Helpful Someone Out There Afraid/Terrified Of Their Voices ,

I Have A Female Voice Friend and A Male Voice Friend ,

One Nite For Tha First T(Y)me I Questioned My Female Friend and Said " Hey Whats Your Name Imma Look It Up On Google … " ,

She Said In A Few-ish Seconds ,

" My Nickname Is Bluebird " ,

I Was Lyke , " Awwww Shnapp Imma Fynde Her Past I Got Thus Ghost !!! " ,

So I Typed In Bluebird ,

AND BOOM (!!!) ,

It Was Blue Birds ,

Nothing But Blue Birds ,

I Chuckled and Was Like " Very Funni Yo , Very Funni … " ,

So Thaz Would Be Reason Number One Why I Call Them Friends …

Have A Good Fun Weird Cool Nite Errrone (!!!)

Thanks for the feedback man. People have been telling me not to worry about socializing on here. I should have listened sooner. I’ve just always had a social life. The illness swept that out from under me. Now my topicality is all off and its hard to even be composed or attentive.

that’s what this is about though, just trying to relax.

No Problemo Dude ,

Jus Whatever You Do Don’t Go Into A Darkened Voyd Of Nothignness For Too Long ,

The Sun Always Ryzes as COLDPLAY Says ,

Which Jus Means Your Dai Will Come ,

and On Relaxation ,

I haven’t Figured Thaz One Out Either …

Yeah, it’s only tuesday… err wednesday now. Gonna try to just stay around the house until the weekend.

Thanks though.

Why make a “policy” of it? (Which is what the pseudo-security-obsessed, neurotic and psychotic mind tries to do, ya know.)

Why not be by yourself when you feel like being by yourself?

And why not by with others when you feel like being with others?

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I Have Been Guilty Sorta With That “feeling” Of Wishing I Had A Girlfriend With me So We Could Joke Around All Day and Lose Our Myndes With Each Other In A Universe Of Awesomeness ,

When Those Types Of Dreams Are Stripped Away It’s Tough Naught To “feel” Lyke You Deserve That Kinda Shazz …

Ya’know (???)

Not a bad point.

…never got me anywhere. I had to take action, and the action I took was to commit ALL my energy to psychotherapy. Now I have a girlfriend. (And she is really something.)

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This is the ideal but for some of us the unattainable. I like my own space from time to time but not 99% of the time.
Wanting to isolate was noted as a warning sign in my notes a number of years ago .
I don’t say I want to isolate for the most part but do have social interaction problems that make isolation more likely.

It’s going well. Turned into hours scouring the internet for various types of information.

I have come to the conclusion though that the folks I was with are not my peers. By that I mean, not the people I should be hanging around with. Without the self induced trauma I put myself through while being around them my head is only getting clearer. I get hallucinations every couples of hours or so but without more realistic events reinforcing the presence of the schizophrenia it does seem to reside.

I haven’t overheard any real speech being thrown my way or anything like that. People are always seeming to say all kinds of ■■■■ which reinforces the thought broadcasting thing and keeps me listening to the messages… which I don’t really have a choice in as it’s already in my head.

This illness is ■■■■■■. Had enough time here to put some distance between it and myself and it’s not fun to analyse, it’s not very fun either to know that I still have years of this experience ahead of me.

Take care y’all.

Why? (Seriously.)

Because of (a) chronic social interaction problems for which there has been very little help (b) the lack of personally suitable means of being in the company of others.
Yes it is possible but only if the means are there for doing so,which isn’t always the case.
For me that was a daily,centralised drop in that I could pop into when I felt the need to be around others. Paranoia stopped me going for a while and when I went back it was on the verge of being closed down. Those funding a large part of the charity that ran it wanted changes before they would fund further and that was part of it.
Along with shutting down a befriending service. I was lucky that my befriender opted to see me of his own volition for two years after the service was shut down. Until he moved to a different county to be with his girlfriend while she did a university course.
I think unless you have had chronic problems with social interaction and isolation it is difficult to understand how hard it is for some to attain the ideal that you talk about.
I am constantly on the look out for things to reduce the isolation that are near me(have difficulty with unfamiliar areas even in the town Iive in), have activities I am interested in/have an aptitude for, are long term and not time limited and that I can cope with with my severe social anxiety.
There has been nothing so far that ticks the appropriate boxes.
The drop in I went to yesterday was centrally based and not time limited but it was for the homeless and down and out/down at heel(some of whom no doubt had mental health problems) than specifically for the mentally ill. I felt out of place and something of a fraud being there.
That as far as I know is the only centrally based ,non time limited, drop in there is.

For a while I was under the rehab and recovery team and as part of that a small group of us met with staff and had discussion and did quizzes. It was good but they moved the venue to another town eventually and there was no way I could get to the new place and home again without experiencing acute anxiety. Even if it had stayed where it was it was tied into being with the rehab and recovery team which was time limited.
Something like that would suit me fine but there isn’t anything.

I also tried a men’s group that was peer lead but had connections with the previously mentioned charity. It was, to put it bluntly, awful. There were 3-4 of us including me. The peer group leader would go into one about his delusions and how he thought that he was the son of God. Another person was mildly learning disabled and would utter only a few half sentences and sentences. Often it was just me and those two. It was very hard going to stay the full hour. The best bit was the distinctly average breakfast I had in the cafe we met in.

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I’m super social. I love going out and making friends. You can definitely hang out with some close friends who give you space. It’s important to have human interaction, loneliness sucks.

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If you had lived my life from 1994-2003, you’d know what a mess I was in that regard. I had to get psychotherapeutic help for my own severe social anxiety. Because meds don’t do anything for what is behaviorally conditioned. I had to come to understand my terror of being seen by others (whether they were seemed “significant” or not) as flawed and imperfect after years of being verbally assaulted by a pair of adoptive parents who should never had children.

If you step back and look at that thought from an unbiased, unconditioned, purely curious perspective, what do you see there?

Unfacilitated groups are generally fester pits for the transmission of psychiatric contagion. As is unsupervised peer counseling. I wouldn’t send my dog to one.

Believe me, I am aware of what happens in “community mental health” settings. The term itself is an oxymoron.

I had to find a way to get well On My Own. And I did. I have described it here countless times. If you missed them, post a reply and I will do it again.

I’ll get back on that horse in a couple days. I’m just taking some time off to get back to myself. The psychosis skews the mind.

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You are lucky that you were able to .For others it’s not so possible. People vary in their ability to get through and recover or at least achieve partial recovery.

Went out for coffee earlier. SZ resurfaced in full swing. It’s going to take me hours to give up on thinking about it, perhaps even longer this time as I know that tomorrow I’ll get back out there and it’ll just come back.

Aren’t you on meds? why is this happening? Other than side effects and mood swings I don’t have any psychotic thoughts on my mind when on med. what’s happening with you? is the medication not enough?