When you had your first psychotic episode, what did you think was going on with you? Did you think that it might’ve been some unknown disease or something else wrong in the brain that wasnt mental health related?
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Hey, Tom. I noticed that you’ve been starting a lot of threads in the Dx’ed Sz/Sza category. If I remember correctly, you have not been diagnosed with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, and that category is reserved only for people with one of those diagnoses. Wasn’t sure if you were aware of that, but please keep it in mind when you’re posting.
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I had no idea I was sick during my first psychotic episode, I 100% believed that there was a microchip in my head broadcasting my thoughts everywhere.
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I was as high as a kite and felt fine. When i ended up in the hospital i thought it was related to something physical ( not sleeping or eating properly or drinking enough water). Then yeah thought it was a problem in the brain not mental health related. Was broken when i realized it, and thought it was my fault.
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I thought I was having a spiritual awakening. My third eye had finally opened and the secrets of reality were being opened up to me.
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During my first episode, I truly believed people were watching me from the sky, and that only tape could intercept their ‘waves’.
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I was rapped up in all kinds of conspiracy and paranoia believe it all was real. Took my meds because it was court ordered and calmed me down. All the delusions made me fearful and anxious, the meds help and I couldn’t deny that. Slowly one by one I proved my delusions wrong and years later came to grips that I was sick.
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I believed it was spiritual
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My best friends would tell me that i was showing signs of schizophrenia and I never took it into consideration I was like no that’s silly! I’m gifted, I’m “God’s angel,” and I also thought I was having a spiritual awakening… an epiphany. I didn’t take schizophrenia into consideration until two years later and my heart was broken, still is!
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I thought that I was in communication with a world of death that was leeching through the real world - some sort of dimensional distortion. I was found wondering the streets of a city about 20 miles away after being missing for a few days and someone took me to the hospital. I don’t remember much after that.
My friends and parents were and are ignorant to mental illness as it’s something just not talked about. It’s the only reason I can think they didn’t take me to a doctor. I was good at hiding it I suppose as I didn’t want to be captured by the government who clearly knew about it but did not say anything and I was getting encouragement from what I thought were hidden messages in the TV and in music.
I just wish I had worn shoes as I had to soak my feet in a bucket for a few days because I had so much glass in my feet from walking around.
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I had no idea I was mentally ill. I thought there was something wrong with everyone else. Things went sideways for months and months. Then later after that
I was talking and laughing and doing crazy things that Jesus and the father and the spirit were telling me for weeks. I was writing books of information day after day then eventually typing 50 pages of more information in a day that they were telling me.
Then Jesus just took over my body and I was known as a “vessel” “jesus” would say to my family. "This is just a vessel you dummies I am Jesus, this is just a wineskin. Blah blah blah.
Then pure complete mania insued.
There’s a gazillion other things that happened but that is part of it.
Again I had 0 insight that anything was wrong.
Glad that’s past me!
Oh it also took another 6 months to figure out anything was really still wrong because my parents told me it was demons and Satan. So I accepted my voices to be just that.
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i felt like i was in the twilight zone almost. fundamental things were different, i questioned everything i knew.
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I thought I was waking up to many realities for the first time in my life.
There is an old saying: “His mind is so open his brain fell out.” I think I understood that better after the episode.
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I have been psychotic before though, confirmed by more than one doctor. Sorry anyways.
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I understand. But that section was created because members who have the schizophrenia or schizoaffective diagnosis wanted a place to talk solely amongst others with the same diagnosis. Others of us with other psychotic disorders are welcome to post elsewhere on the site.
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So hard to put into words… I have to say my first psychotic break was like living a life larger than I could handle. It never once felt like I was sick, it felt like I had discovered parts of the world no one else could see. I thought I could save the world; I thought I was the only person who could save the world. I would spend hours writing down useless information, collecting facts and copying wiki pages in notebooks upon notebooks.
It’s almost hard to put into words, but my first episode was mild, I was able to get through it alright, but I can say, once my mind was clear, I was sad I wasn’t as powerful as I once thought.
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Thought I was gonna be a politician then work for cia then be killed by cia then that I was a secret heir to the Walmart fortune then that billionaires were trying to help me or kill me. I basically didn’t know what the ■■■■ was going on. There really is some clarity knowing I’m sz. Although I had a second psychotic break and believed all the stuff from the first one.
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My first thing contained the gray alien and the light woman in the tree doorway.
My mind was tapped and I was psychically burned badly for a month or two. I was force-fed bits of dark information, to much to fast. Inwardly it hurt very badly. My thingies are drastic normally and harm me a great deal, they feel so sick and scary you wouldn’t believe.
Spirits, aliens, interdimensionals abound in my episodes, and it’s always negative and painful.
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Yes, I did. That’s how my first two episodes looked like. I even tried to “cure” myself and win the game.
I thought that if i drink vitamins and minerals or go to chiropractor i will be able to fight against prosecution.
Only after second episode it came to my understanding that i might have mental illness, and i discovered that quite by accident. I saw in newspaper an article about sz that was related to me, and boom i knew. Immediately after i had nervous breakdown of course and severe depression when i almost ended on streets.
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I had bizzare delusions when I was in the army, but those delusions didn’t become overwhelming until decades later. As for the hallucinations, I’ve heard things that were without a doubt hallucinations, but I haven’t had that many of that kind of hallucination.
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