I always thought that i tended to be neurotic and i used to make fun of that.
I admitted that I had neurotic traits in my personality and i used to make a joke of it. I never thought that i would have a psychotic crisis.
What did you think you had before it became clear that you have a psychiatric illness?
Growing up, my family told me I was psychic, around 18 I told them I suspected I was instead schizophrenic, or something. They kicked me out of the house because “oh you want to be a schizo now?!?” Set me off. Spent the next few years drinking my symptoms into submission, always wondering. Occasionally having breaks from reality.
It took me having a bad episode that ended with me put into an institution to be diagnosed with SZA depressive type
Ps, I always just called it “my brain thing” a select few knew about the spirits I heard
I had episodes where I would freak out when I thought people were against me. One I remember was when I was about 9 and I started to misbehave and my aunt’s friend worked in juvenile Hall and kept saying if I don’t calm down, I would end up there so I went nutzo and the both of them locked me in a closet for an hour, I was shouting, and pissed off because all I kept saying was your not my mom, and my mom wasnt there to stick up for me. I guess I was neurotic and didn’t like people I didn’t know would bang on the floor for them to leave, then as I reached adolescence friends told me I would get paranoid over things, and then when I had my first psychotic episode at 16 I thought I had esp or special powers that’s why I was on meds to calm down and get my thinking straight again. Didn’t know I had sz because I never met anyone with sz so therefore I didn’t know what it felt like. It wasn’t until 18-19 I started coming to terms that I was diagnosed with that after attending a partial hospitalization and still hardly knew anything about it or else I wouldn’t have tried going off my meds dozens of times or skipping months at a time. I never liked to listen to professionals when it came to meds because of the way the meds felt. They had more cons than pros
It’s interesting to me that I never had ocd then,
Wen I became anorexic, I developed horrible ocd, then, as I recovered from anorexia, the ocd went away!
It’s like the ocd is connected to anorexia somehw
I thought I had a dissiociative disorder
I thought I had DID and asperger’s.
When I got my sz diagnosis, the doctor had told me it was likely autism, so I was very surprised
I had also gotten an ADHD diagnosis at 14, so I guess I kinda thought it was just that
I mostly had some kind of social deficiency and religious ideations and voices on occasion. They told me the future and that I would be a miserable person and christ. I never got any help though untill I was eventually put on disability. And, even still I don’t get the help I need, but I guess thats my own fault.
I remember when I was a child up to when I was around 12 years old I could “see” ghosts and tell what they were doing. I also had a hallucination for most of my life until I was 18 about a figure I called shadow that would help me in dealing with life. It didn’t really use a voice to speak but it telepathically communicated with me through feelings and symbols. To this day I dont know if he was a hallucination or not, BUT anyway… Before my first psychosis I was actually living a normal but crazy teenaged life like most young adults do. It wasnt until my psychosis which was drug induced by ecstasy I had it. The multiple psychoses lasted until I was about… 26 years old. Thinking back on it now, though, I was able to tolerate life easier before the psychosis even with depression waning and waxing. I think the main reason why I am still pushing forward is because I remember what it was like to be normal.
I thought I had an anxiety problem. My mom believed I was in spiritual bondage. Sent me for exorcism. I was wrecked by that and anxiety got worse then the mood swings started and I thought I had bipolar and so did a psychologist. Then my breakdown and diagnosis of sza
I thought it was clairevoyance (visual hallucinations) and claireaudience (audio hallucinations). Eventually I realized it was schizoaffective because of how similar my delusions were to other schizophrenics.
a telepathic gift, communication with beings from another world, actually, i still think like that at time to time
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