I don’t remember what was my first psychotic episode. I had many episodes that all occurred right about the same time.
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Well, I don’t know my true first for delusions, but I know I wasn’t remotely concerned about them or aware my thoughts were abnormal at all. My first hallucinations, I immediately knew something was wrong and wasn’t currently delusional, so I went to my therapist and nurse practitioner with the symptoms ASAP.
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I remember I was having crazy mood swings, I’d frantically clean my house for 16 hours one day then the next day I’d be sitting on the ground in the street unable to move, people gave me change like I was homeless and I couldn’t even lift my head to look at them. I was seeing (hallucinating) things on fire all the time, had all sorts of strange beliefs about aliens and lizard people and conspiracies… classic symptoms of scz-affective. I remember I was posting on Internet forums detailing all these intense symptoms but saying “I know I’m not mentally ill but…” I knew something was wrong but honestly had no idea I was mentally ill. The first time I was hospitalised I kept crying because I didn’t belong there, I thought I was a fraud. I really had no idea what was wrong, only that something was wrong. It was a time of great confusion for me.
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I wasnt ok in the head. I cpuld say i was incapable to analize what was going on with me so i just lived my.life…lived through the day …but i was not capable of evaluating myself.
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What were the hallucinations?
My epis make me feel like there’s nothing I can’t do. I even think I can walk on air . I feel like a god. Then comes the crash 2-4days locked in my room.
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Well, the first ones were strong drums quickly followed by an incoherent male voice that sounds kind of like a guy trying to announce the radio quickly or perhaps an auctioneer
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