Your mom is wrong. She loves you, and is afraid. But please. @Rhubot said it best. The prison system is much scarier than the hospital system. Nobody will lock you up indefinitely. They can’t. It’s not legal. Hang on, I’ll find sources.
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Please don’t kill anyone tonight. Please don’t hurt anyone. We are all invested. We are all concerned and worried. It can be so much better. Please accept the appropriate help.
No I will be locked up forever if I tell someone. My mom has friends who work in state hospitals. Some people are there for upwards of 30 years. My mom is still taking me to the hospital tomorrow. She will tell them I’m suicidal. I will only talk about the voices in the context of suicidal commands. I don’t feel comfortable being dishonest but I have no choice. My mom said everything will be okay as long as I listen to her. I have to listen to her. She said I have too much negative self talk and that’s why I feel like I can’t hold on. She said this all started because I talked to the voices. I get it it’s my fault. I am part of an experiment by God. He put the seed in me to cause chaos and chaos it’s causing. I can still have my theories. I tried to say “I will wait until Thursday” but my mom won’t let me.
If you have a plan you should tell the mental health worker in the emergency room about it. Get yourself in the hospital, and let them know about your suicidal tendencies. In the assembly line mental health treatment world we live in, they might try to ease you out of the hospital before you’re ready. Talk about your plans for suicide.
I will tell them about my plans for suicide. Unless my mom tells them I don’t have a plan. Then I won’t. I’m resigned. They’re watching.
Okay, can you tell me what hospital you are likely to go to? I will call and ask for their guidelines and tell you what they say.
Just to be clear, I know nothing about you and will not be able to give them any identifying information.
Or, I can just call some of the major hospitals in the area and report back about that.
For perspective, we could ask @roxanna, who also lives in your state and has had a terrible time getting necessary help. I am pretty sure she’ll confirm that no one is just holding people indefinitely. There isn’t enough help available for that.
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My sister lives in Texas and had a difficult time getting her daughter admitted because of the lack of available beds. This, despite all agreeing her daughter needed to be admitted urgently (my sister, her daughter and her daughter’s doctor were all on the same page). This was an adolescent behavioral health hospital and from what my sister said, the waiting room was full of parents and teenagers waiting for assistance.
I just left my sister a voicemail asking if she knows anything about the Texas mental health laws. I’ll let you know what I hear back.
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@Rhubot @Moonbeam Thank you very much, but that won’t be necessary. I have no choice but to listen to my mom. Even if she’s wrong, I can’t do this with her pissed at me. This is the only way I can get help.
Just remember, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
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My mom’s not taking me to the hospital. She says it’s OCD and that’s why I’m so anxious, and she said I’m just trying to go to the hospital to avoid my anxiety. She also said I can never tell anyone, even my psychiatrist, about the voices that want me to hurt others. I don’t feel comfortable with that but I have to listen to my mom. I feel like killing myself. I told my mom that. She said I just said it so I could go to the hospital. I don’t think I’m going to be getting any help.
How old are you @Sardonic?
I’m 19 years old.
Then you’re legally an adult and entitled to make your own decisions. Your mom may love you and think she know best for you but unless she’s a trained psychiatrist she really doesn’t. Dismissing your hallucinations and saying you have OCD isn’t a good solution. You desperately need help that you can only get from the doctor. If she’s not going to take you to the hospital you owe it to yourself to get yourself there some other way. I don’t know your situation but is there some other way you could get there? If nothing else you could call 911. I know you said in another post you’re not willing to do that but what are the other options? To do nothing and let this get worse? What if you act on these voices at some point because you didn’t get the help you needed? It happens. Please take care of yourself and go to the hospital.
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Call 911. Hospital staff will help you work through issues with your mom while you are there.
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Even if it turns out to be OCD and anxiety, you should still go to the hospital to get your meds sorted out. You are at real risk of harming yourself and what mental health condition might be contributing to your suicidal ideation is secondary at this point. The medical team at the hospital can help stabilize you and they can also help arrange you attending an intensive outpatient program, if appropriate.
What time are you going in today? @Sardonic. 
I just want to say that indefinite and permanent aren’t the same thing.
Indefinite by definition is they don’t know how long. It is not forever.
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I had some hope. I thought that maybe, even if I didn’t tell the hospital about the homicidal commands, that they’d still be able to help. Now I’m not going. I’m not allowed to tell anyone about what’s really bothering me. My mom even said not to tell you guys everything. She said I’m worrying you guys unnecessarily for something that is just OCD. I can’t tell my psychiatrist the truth. What’s the point in going? There’s no point to any of this. I just have to live with voices telling me to kill people until I die or until I snap. They said I’ll never have peace unless I kill my family, then that I’ll never have peace until I die. It all comes full circle. My mom plays a good game, stringing me along. But no more. I’m done playing. All I need to decide is if I’m killing myself now or holding out until Thursday.
So you’d rather kill yourself than get help? Your mom isn’t doing you any favors by forbidding you to talk about your problems. And you don’t have to listen to her. You’re not a child anymore and you are responsible for your own actions, whether you hurt yourself or someone else. How is your mom gonna feel when something happens to you? You have been given good advice by people on here who care and who live with this everyday. The ball is in your court. You are the only person who can make the decision to get help right now. It’s not your mother’s decision.
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You guys have given me good advice. Thank you.