I need the hospital

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im having a really hard time

i need the hospital im not well

i dont now how to tell my mom after all she has been threw

i feel guilty but i also feel un safe

i cant go today cause she cant drive cause she had anesthesia today

if i call ambulance they will take me to the nearest hospital which is over the bordering state

so insurance wont cover it and it doesnt have a psych ward

so i would be sitting in a hallway of the er with a gaurd till they find a bed which could be days and sent to an out of state psych ward

i am so lost

i wanna call my pager but i would have tell my mom why and she will get mad that i wont talk to her

im sorry i need to vent i hope this is not triggering anyone i apologize

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Sorry to hear that :hugs:

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Hey @yoda123 . I don’t think you’re triggering anyone. It sounds like a difficult situation and I don’t know exactly how to advise you. But we are here to listen if you need to vent.

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ty @Bowens @Zoe ty you for listening i might be posting tonight to keep my mind clear to figure out my next move

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I think you should de-stress and try to calm your mind before doing anything major. You’ve had some very stressful days helping your mom. Do things that will help you relax and allow your mind some time to calm down, before going to the hospital. You can call the crisis line, talk to us, do all the things you use when you feel in crisis. Give yourself a little time, and see if you feel better, worse or the same in a while and go from there. Anyone would be stressed going through what you have been through so it’s okay you feel this way.

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@anon55031185 ty i think im gonna go shower and see if i can relax a little
i will be back in a little while
ty all for talking this out with me

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Good idea. It’s still the same day, so your emotions are high. It will take a while before you can think straight. Try to relax. A shower is a great idea. Maybe watch a funny movie, too. Something distracting. You got this.

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@anon55031185 ty
@Bowens ty

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I’m not saying you need the hospital, but there’s no local hospital you could take an Uber to, or a taxi?

Do you have a case manager, therapist, counselor or even a pastor who you could call or visit that can “talk you down” so you can calm down and get through this? Oolaloola had some good suggestions, maybe a good walk or going to the park or the hills would help. Getting some space and fresh air and greenery might help.

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i took a shower it was triggering cause it turns to blood but i stayed in and fought it off

i calmed down a little

i text with my brother for a while but he is in bed now

everyone is a sleep so im in my own head

trying to watch tv but not really helping

im gonna try to read some posts to keep my mind open and try to do my best to stay safe till tomorrow

when my mom goes out i will call my pager to find out what to do

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I had nights like that. Wishing you well.

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@Jayster ty
@77nick77 i have calmed down a little i decided to talk to my treatment team tomorrow

they will hopefully be able to help

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Get a good nights sleep (if you can). And treat yourself to a nice breakfast. Pancakes are ridiculously easy. So are omelets. Good luck tomorrow.

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@77nick77 ty hopefully i will be ok till tomorrow

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Well, if there’s anything we can do, just ask.

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@77nick77 ty i will

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Feeling better this morning @yoda123?

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@yoda123 do you have a PRN you can take like a benzo?
Try taking it easy for a while.
It might be a good idea to speak with your doctor soon.

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@77nick77 ty you for being there last night i needed to be talked down and you helped as well as others

im better today but still not sure what to do

i took a swim for a few hours this morning was able to talk myself down some more

i realized i have so many things going on right now that i need to be healthy enough to get threw

so im gonna try to stay out of the hospital as long as possible at least 2 weeks

its gonna be hard cause the meds just aren’t working but i have klonapin prn 2 1mg doses a day

also we just upped my clozaril 100mg from 500 to 600mg so i got to try to give it time to see if it works

i see my pdoc every week and have a group and social works twice a week plus the pager so if it gets to bad i will just have go to the hospital cause i cant do anything if i cant help my self
ty again for everyone who helped me out last night i really needed it
@Wave @Bowens @anon55031185 @Jayster @Zoe @77nick77 ty all

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