Posting all of my ravings here.
Thoughts trying to tell me that I should kill. I’m a god. Maybe nothing is right.
You’ve got your appointment tomorrow. I hope they can help. Make sure you tell them everything and are 100% honest with them.
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I will be honest. I have to be. Look where lying has gotten me. Should I trust my mom? Maybe this never would have happened if she had let me be honest about the beings with my pdoc. I know they’re not beings, they’re thoughts. They’re getting me into trouble. It’s hard not to think you’re a god, when your thoughts constantly tell you you are.
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wow, you sound really off reality…I hope you will speak up and tell your pdoc what you believe…you can get the right meds but only if you seek help from your doctor and the pills or injections they prescribe for you.
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Do I? I think I am close to reality, just having thoughts telling me things that I don’t like, and trying to convince me of things. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow, that is if my mom takes me. It’s useless probably, no beds and I am not critical. I’m not in crisis. My mom says I don’t need to be in the hospital, just need to work harder. The hard thing to do is the right thing to do. Distract constantly. Constantly. Doesn’t prevent any thoughts from entering my mind, does it? I am perfectly in reality except the thoughts are getting to me. Am I in a dream world? Am I a god? No? Yes? I can’t take it anymore.
You oscillate between having insight and being disconnected from reality. Right now though you are having some of the best insight you have had, you know you need treatment and you are doing all you can to get it. That much is good. Tomorrow be sure to tell them that you are at serious risk of killing yourself or harming others if you don’t get treatment.
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I’m glad I am having insight. I think I need help. My mom says I don’t want to get sent to a state hospital. I don’t know if she means she doesn’t want me to tell them everything or what, but what’s the point of going if I don’t tell them everything? I’m thinking about asking my mom to cancel the appointment. She’s said plenty of times that I don’t need the hospital and that even if I do, there are no beds. Why am I doing this? I thought it was the best idea but maybe not. Oh I don’t know. Things feel like they’re getting dicey, but if I have more insight then maybe it’s fine. Should I ask my mom to cancel?
Keep on with the plan to go to the hospital. State hospitals are just sometimes intense. You most likely wouldn’t be sent there though but even if you are it’ll still help you stay safe. Your mother just really wants to see you living a normal life, the thing is that is just not possible for you at the moment. Maybe in time with treatment though. She doesn’t understand how serious your case is though
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No. In a word. Keep the appointment. Tell them everything.
Hospital isn’t a big deal. I’ve been in hospital a few times.
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@anon5927173 @everhopeful Okay, I will keep the appointment. My mom thinks she knows everything, but this she can’t understand. She thinks I’m trying to absolve myself of responsibility, but that’s not it at all. I just fear that I am really close to hurting someone and in turn I am really close to killing myself. I just know I’m in a bad situation. But also I don’t want to take a bed from someone who needs it more. No, I can’t live a normal life right now. It sucks but that’s the reality.
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Thanks guys, I appreciate it. I’m listening to music to drown out the thoughts. They come in anyway, but not quite as often. It’s like, I’ll think about the cat and my thoughts will say “kill her. You can do it, you’re a god, kill her.” That’s what they just said. I am suicidal over this.
I think something that’s good is that I’ve done calculus for 2 days in a row. And I took a bath today. I even washed my clothes. I still feel sucky but I did do positive things today.
i am wishing you the best of luck! super proud and happy for you that you did some selfhelp stuff today. i hope you feel better real soon
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thank you so much! im really glad i found it
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How are you doing?
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