i’m doing pretty good right now, and i have been (mostly) for over a month now! thanks so much for asking
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Glad to hear you’re doing well!! I hope that goes on for a long long time. 
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I appreciate that you include music as a source of motivation and thought processing, I’ve been finding that music helps me to reign in some of my irrational beliefs and delusions. Good luck with your appointment tomorrow, your well-being is what’s most important.
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make sure you get to the appointment
I hope it all goes well
thanks for your honesty on the forum
these thoughts happen, but you don’t have to be crippled by them.
best wishes to you
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Good luck at your appointment tomorrow. What ever you do, don’t cancel it. You need some extra support and help. You’ve needed it for a while. Never mind what your mother will say. Please tell them everything you’ve been thinking. Be thinking of you.
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Thanks guys, I too hope something comes of the appointment.
@Amulon I find that music helps drown out my thoughts sometimes. It can be nice. Usually my thoughts go on despite it and that sucks, but at least sometimes they’re lessened.
@Daze @Sezbot241 I’m having second thoughts about seeking help. What if they lock me up for a long time because I am violent? What if they call the police? I’m scared of the police. They’re going to ask if I’ve considered acting on these violent commands and I’m going to have to tell them yes. I’ve thought about it, but only for a little bit before I come back to my senses and think about how bad an idea that is. I’m scaring myself. What if one day I don’t come back to my senses until it’s too late? I should seek help.
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They’ll only involve the polive if you refuse to go with them.
If they say you need the hospital, don’t think of it as you taking a bed from someone who needs it.
YOU’RE the someone who needs it.
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Okay so if I comply then they won’t call the police? Good then, I will comply. I’m just worried about this situation. It’s bad. I know they’re thoughts but they’re violent and it worries me that I have these moments where I consider acting on them. I consider acting on the suicidal commands too. I want to act on the suicidal thoughts because I am scared.
Voices say I am messiah. And I believe them.
Other times they say I am Lucifer, the fallen angel.
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And you need to tell the pdoc about all this. Even if your mother gets mad. Clearly she doesn’t understand mental illness, or she wouldn’t have told you to just suck it up.
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My thoughts are calling me a god and saying this world is a creation of my mind, saying this is my story, telling me to kill others and myself. It’s chaos.
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Mine also say that all is a mental dream.
Sometimes demons tell me to kill or to be killed
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My appointment is at the hospital, I think for an assessment. I will tell them everything, even though I think my mom wants me to leave some stuff out. I don’t know why she’s taking me if she wants me to lie. No my mom doesn’t understand. She wants me to do better, be able to distract myself constantly.
How do you live with it? I can’t handle these thoughts.
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I have accepted that all are mind only.
It’s basic belief in lankavatara sutra and I am a Buddhist. I don’t have problem with it
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I know it’s my mind but that changes nothing. Like, my thoughts still talk and convince me of things. With the violent thoughts, I know they come from me and that makes it worse. Why is my mind turning so violent?
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I am glad you are telling them what you have been through @Sardonic . Holding back things and lying don’t help and I am sure all will go well for you and be beneficial.
When are you going in there today?
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Thanks. Yeah holding things back doesn’t get you any help. I think I might ask to speak to the person alone, that is without my mom. Just her being there makes me feel like I shouldn’t be honest. I hope things go well. I go today at 4:00pm.
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I think that’s a great idea, it should be easier alone.
It sounds like you are going to be doing all the right things, just make sure you don’t hold back, it is very important for them to understand what is going on so that you get the help you need.
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I keep having thoughts saying “kill them all.” I keep thinking it would be so easy to kill my grandpa and that thought terrifies the hell out of me. “Just kill him.” I don’t want to kill anyone. Just under 4 hours until my appointment. I will tell them everything. I am scared for the appointment but I’m more scared that I’ll hurt someone. I don’t know how to feel about this. I wonder if there is a supernatural force influencing my thoughts, maybe the seed or demons.
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