drank a glass of wine with my parents and they both started telling me how much of a failure I am, how I could have gone so far, and how in the last 3-4 years I have done absolutely nothing. the schizophrenia means nothing to them, to them i’m just a lazy piece of ■■■■. maybe i am. i think of ending it everyday, also paranoia, hearing voices, but what’s the point?
maybe I will end it soon, just so they can feel my pain. ■■■■ this earth. why was i dealt such a shitty hand?
i’ve applied for social housing so i should move out soon enough, and then i just won’t be in contact with them anymore and i’ll live my life, or i could just end it in the coming days…
You know what the Meruk manual says a schizophrenic person is driven to destroy them selves. They know nothing about what a schizophrenic person actually goes through. Keep trying everyday. Only thing you really gotta do is get up every morning. From there it gets a tiny bit easier.
parents are just parents, they just want whats best for you and want you to be healthy, being sz is not healthy and they are trying to help with that, my parents biggest strength for me (which could be seen as a weakness) was to never discuss what was in my head, they didn’t dispute the fact that i was mentally ill and they supported me ‘esp my dad’ and got me help when i needed it but they kept their distance from it like it was the plague lol and it suited me bc i didn’t want to tell them and i was upset when i had to wake my dad up at night and he had little sleep bc of me bf i was hospitalised one time but he tried his best, he sat up with me until i calmed down and got tired and he listened to me when i was scared but he didn’t say much about it, and i am glad about that.
I can understand your situation. Just be yourself. Don’t hate your parents but also don’t take their harsh words too seriously. Just think that it is really hard for them to feel what you are going through. They are trying but sometimes when they are overwhelmed with the pressure from their stuff, they start behaving in a mean way.
Certainly not…You are neither lazy nor mean. You are just like other people. We all get sick at one time or another but it doesn’t mean that we lose hope of getting healthy one day. I really sympathise with you. You do not deserve the harsh comments specially today. Your parents should be careful about that.
Sometimes in life you have to be your own mentor and carer…Keep reminding yourself that tough times never last forever but tough people do.
Amplitude, try to distance your parents because they are toxic, stupid and cruelAs a schizophrenic, being alive and can feel the beauty of this world is an achievement. Move out and look after yourself!
Happy Birthday to @Amplitude and @Qutaiba!
Amplitude, how you felt today you will feel another way tomorrow- keep your chin up, you are young and have a lot more opportunities coming your way.
Don’t give up on life just yet!
I remember being 22. Society and biology were telling me to leave my parents and telling my patents to kick me out, but my illnesses were saddling me with tremendous needs. I’m glad my parents didn’t abandon me nor I them.
I got a bit into religiosity, so I was into the Jesus message for awhile. And to Him, the word “Friend” was almost sacred. So I looked about who my friends might be, and I measured it by who visited me in my many incarcerations and who brought me cigarettes and canteen money. That’s how I came to view my parents as friends.
But my parents sure could hurt my feelings! Oh well.
I think suicide is a mistake and generally regretted by those who are successful at it. One just wakes up without a physical body and feeling “hollowed out”. After 45 years of heavy smoking, I gave up smoking last Summer, and for a time afterwards, I felt “hollowed out”. It passes after awhile, but when you’re in it, it’s no fun.
