Just a........?

I don’t know if you have family. During my worst times, the support of my family kept me going. When I first got diagnosed, I felt hopeless and I felt like giving up every day. But my dad pulled me through. I could talk to him about ANYTHING. Sex, violence, my delusions, life, death, suicide. I hate to say it but I scoff when I read posts about ‘the positive thing’ about having schizophrenia. 99% of the time it has brought me nothing but loss and suffering for thirty years. But I will break my own rules here and say that a positive thing is that schizophrenia allowed me to get to know about my dad and his life which if I never got sick I probably wouldn’t know. He did stuff I couldn’t believe that I won’t list here. but though him or our family were never rich he lived a full life. And saved mine.
But when people write about the positive things, they are just simply looking for the ‘silver lining in every cloud’.


You have a great father. This is really something satisfying in life. I think only few people have got a real relationship with their father. Getting to know one person and being able to talk about anything is something u remember for life. This is the wish of many including me.

My parents don’t talk to me anymore. We live together. They don’t want to see me. They dont want me to be present in the family gathering. Probably there are a lot more parents acting like this. I don’t know, all my life I have been the most caring to them among my siblings. They say i was the highest achieving. But then I meet bad luck and they don’t want me anymore.

I haven’t find out anything positive about having sz. I think I’m going down the narrow road to isolation, homeless, long term unemployment and total poverty soon. It looks inevitable. Last week, my mother searched my bedroom for a couple of times while I went out to work. She found I spent money while I was last psychotic. She required me to repay her. It would be a lot to me right now. They broke into my room at dawn trying to catch me as if i have been doing something. It is the strangest thing I spent everything when I’m in a psychosis, trying to save some people from something. I even borrow money to do that. All my life I am a decent guy who work hard and spend little, saving up most of my earnings. Now that all are gone. I save up for two years and the same thing happened again. We have very stringent social security here. I can’t rely on that to live. I think it’s just enough for a mug of coffee a day. I have started part time but my job performance is terrible. My brain is like retarded. They say they cannot understand why I can’t carry out the trains of steps accurately. I live in a city where every employer are very demanding. Idk where my disease would lead me to. I can’t adjust to the sudden change. I read a project illustrating lives of people with sz here. Some of them live in factory building in isolation. Some of them wander on the street on long term. All of them has insight to their illness. I’ll soon go without meal. I have a friend who gave me a little cash last night. Actually, our relationship changed after the onset of my sz. I feel terrible. Sorry I turn out writing a lot about myself.

My bro is visiting. He brought over the things he needed to glue one of my antique bureaus together. Well, he brought over four clamps and three package of Epoxy, but he needed my help in supplying Q-tips and clean up rags and blocks to set this stuff up on.

I’m really grateful to Jimmy!


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I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this. Do you still have a relationship with your siblings? Is there anyway they could help you? Is there anyway you could write your parents something like you wrote here and let them know you still want to be part of the family and you can’t help what you do when your in psychosis. Is there a way to find help or family therapy?
There has got to be a way to find some help, before you end up on the street. If your parents are letting you live there for now, maybe a help nurse will help you with money management and them with understanding what SZ really is.
If your Dad and you were close once before, is there anyway to try and rekindle that friendship?

My brother fixes things for me, too. Sometimes

My siblings are the ones who begin to reject me. I’ve talked to my mom and my friend about our situations. It seems like I can only accept that we are not close anymore. The more my siblings get to know about my condition, the more clear they make it that they want to cut off with me. My siblings have been really unkind to my parents. They know it. Someone did wrote something to them, asking my siblings to do a better job of taking care of my parents. You can’t force someone to take care of you. They don’t pick up phones. Many times when we call, they just raise their voices to scold.