Another word of advice, @Jonnybegood, can the gangsta rap thing that you’ve been doing lately. The stuff you were doing before was beautiful! The other stuff is belligerent and misogynist, gangsta rap. Guys like Eminem are real creeps and wack jobs, imo!
First of all, I’d like to punch that Miranda in the face. Not for her 13-year old behaviour, but because she kept being rude to you, despite knowing you were struggling.
I am diagnosed with PTSD myself and it makes me happy that you are getting help from a PTSD-therapist. I think, in my opinion, that you should talk about Miranda to your therapist, so you can get the help you need.
I’ve gone a CBT for my PTSD too and parts of it is to actually expose yourself to what traumatised you. So basically, if you find it hard to talk to girls because of what Miranda did to you, you really should talk to some girls, and in time, the trauma symptoms will start to fade. Especially when you see that not all girls are like Miranda.
1 Like
The rapping is a great outlet and tool regardless of what it’s like imo. I credit it at the #1 thing that has made me go from introverted to extroverted. I used to be so quiet. The rap really strengthens the personality. In many ways. I love that I do it. It’s the best outlet for me and helps me.
Whoa whoa slow that down!
It’s
EMINEM.
Do not mess with eminem love 
1 Like
Miranda is not enemy #1 in this regard. This other girl who shall not be named that I met at 19 is. Thank you for your post it helps a ton!! Btw. And I agree , 13 year old Miranda is not at fault. It’s the continual of the abuse she gave me. I’ve forgiven 13 year old Miranda. No one was quite as evil as the girl from 19. I feel it was a curse with her cuz She seemed perfect for me but that couldn’t be farther from the truth… she purposely sabotaged my life. Words can’t describe how evil that girl is. And I don’t trust girls because of her. You are right though. I should bring this all up with the therapist. Today’s session should be dedicated to that type of trauma.
2 Likes
Alright, then you should talk about the girl you met at 19 and Miranda. I am sorry you went through what you went through. But I’ll tell you that not all girls are evil. You’ll find the right one, before you know it. Let me know how it went in the threapy session! 
Talking about the traumas is the key to getting better.
1 Like
A truck is nice.
Seriously,
I know its not helping to say this,
But it just takes the right lady.
Dating is a numbers game,
You’ll find her, but you got to deal with all the jerks first.
Get yourself out there with your super sexy truck and start being really picky.
2 Likes
I didn’t find my soul mate until I was 42 years old. He was worth the wait. All my insecurities are gone (almost) and I love him as much as he loves me. It took awhile to drop my walls but it’s worth it. Now I don’t even remember what kept me alone so long. Being alone is just a bad memory now. I know you’ll find your other half if you only keep putting yourself out there where she can find you. (I doubt she’ll come to your front door.) Then all the awkwardness you feel around women will be something she loves about you. Then all the trauma you’ve faced will be something she’s mad about too. I adore you and I know there’s a lovely woman out there that will adore you too just keep going out and being open to the idea. Sorry this is so long. Have a good therapy session today sweetheart.
3 Likes
my guardian angel is gonna pick her 4 me… have faith brother…
1 Like
I don’t want to get into a heated discussion, @Sarad, but I think I’m speaking from experience. I got really messed up on Marilyn Manson myself, who imo is just as bad. The girl I liked my 2nd time in hospital may have found me physically attractive, but I think she sensed that I really was sensitive under the facade of trying “to be one of the guys” and being a bad ass. I think that @Jonnybegood isn’t just creative and very talented, but he really is sensitive. To even listen to that even in moderate doses isn’t healthy and it really could be negatively affecting his self-esteem. If he’d just learn to man-up and learn to be a gentleman, he could go really far. But, I guess, Eminem isn’t really my personal taste. Just some food for thought!
Idunno. I don’t feel sensitive anymore. I know it’s the meds that make me have thicker skin but it feels real to me.
I think if I was a better gentleman I would get more attention from some women. I can come off as cold. Especially to females.
Maybe you are right. Doesn’t feel like you are right. But maybe you are.
When I was 11 I was taking a piss in a urinal and my best friend at the time said he saw my ■■■■■ and told the whole grade I had a small one and then another kid told me I will never get married or have sex because of it. Then all the girls laughed at me and stuff.
That was a major trauma to me because I hadn’t even started puberty, was very innocent and unaware about stuff. And all of a sudden my friend throws this new concept at me “■■■■■ size”. Which I had no idea about.
I feel this event has set up every event the rest of my life. I am better now but hard to get over it… i just felt broken from this event. It was a terrible trauma because I was great at all aspects of life before this. Then my world came crashing down after this
I also had hernia surgery, Miranda said ewww, didn’t make the baseball team because of hernia surgery. Other stuff. Every aspect of my successful life was taken away from me between 11-14. High school was terrible. Then I took drugs like lsd and weed and was tortured under the influence of lsd got arrested at gun point for psychotic episode. So much abuse. All because of bad mental health and drugs.
It all started with the small ■■■■■ thing in 6th grade by my friend. I was a narcissist at one point and that same friend said two words to me while I was coming down from bad lsd trip. “YOUR EGO”. I said “I know!!!” Then became obsessed with ego and why it’s bad. made life difficult for me. Because u need ego to survive. The only thing good is I’m down to earth from all this ego loss. It’s why I STILL believe I am Jesus. Because I am devoid of ego and ego dissolution is the cause of enlightenment. I have long history of abuse. I am good now. Nothing can touch me anymore because of naltrexone. It makes my skin thicker. I am happy today so I think “everything happened for a reason” but I really have had a difficult time with traumas and damaged ego and stuff. My life seems like a book. I wrote a book about my life. Doubt many people would believe it’s not fictionized. Just seems too fake to be true. The story.
1 Like
Maybe if you start talking to girls they would respond to you. Girls wait for guys to approach them. I know I do.
2 Likes
@BigJon…your very honest and open, you can help and heal others with your own life story…
1 Like
I’m training to speak through NAMI to speak to middle schoolers high schoolers and first year college students about my story!! So thank you Pedro.
1 Like
I feel you, bro. I don’ t have the exact same story as you, but I was bullied for 6 years in grade school. In high school a girl I liked did something unnecessarily cruel…like just to confuse me or something.
1 Like
I had 2 girlfriends in middle school and after that it was basically the same. I also have three sisters so it should be “easy” right
1 Like
My sister has gotten better but man did she used to verbally and emotionally abuse me. Eventually she might as well have not been my sister. She was ashamed to have me as her brother I feel. She made things bad. She could’ve helped me but she only liked doing things that hurt me. She was NOT happy when I was born. If I was the eldest sibling I would like to believe I would be like a mentor to my younger sibling but she was the opposite. Fortunately I think she realized and she’s nice now. Still is not helpful, but at least she’s neutral.
I have to admire the way you put words together to form what you mean…one word ‘‘marvellous’’…
1 Like
At least got my bro in law he’s like a real brother to me. He’s the man! If only had him in my life growing up.
are you the youngest too?