I have been stable for maybe three years now and I just graduated from college this summer. That means I’m about to interact with guys in the real world, not just in mostly silent classrooms.
I need all of you information about guys. I mean all of it. I have a fiancee but he’s very individualistic. Most men seem like they can be led around by the nose to me (C can’t, so that’s the foundation for my belief he is different).
I know about the they only want sex, sex holds no emotional connotations for men, that looks count more than anything else, but that’s about it. Besides working with them there is always the chance that I might end up with a single friend someday and I want to help her find someone. Because I like sticking my nose in places it doesn’t belong.
I don’t mean to be offensive to the guys on here and I realize I am being just that and I’m sorry. I figure if I let these things out someone can point out where I’m wrong and we can all move together down the road to better understanding instead of my just being politically correct and trusting guys about as far as I can spit a rat. I want to understand I really do. Don’t worry though. I know women are no saints. I’m asking you guys because even though I don’t even know your names I trust you more than any guy I know except four. C, C’s best friend D, my therapist, and L’s (one of my best friend’s) boyfriend. I don’t know L’s boyfriend at all really I just like the way he treats her and I know she wouldn’t tolerate someone who was untrustworthy.
Just assume I know nothing.
Yes I have daddy issues.
Especially @SurprisedJ and @mortimermouse because you two seem like opposite ends of the spectrum.
Sweeping generalizations won’t work. You have to learn to experience a person as a unique individual, not come in with assertions or assumptions just because he so happens to be born a male.
When it comes to sexuality, I’ll just say this - I don’t think men enjoy it more than women, they just have a limbic system driven to desire it more frequently. If you learn to balance yourself with the frequency of him, it’ll work out of the best. We crave more often, not merely “more” in the sense of better sex, just more often. That’s just how the male orgasm & libido is tuned. It’s lame, but not our fault.
As for personality, every guy is different - and the older one gets the better the persona becomes. I’m late 20’s, but I know that mid-30s & mid-40s will be new peaks in my persona.
Not sure what else to add, other than pay attention to a man’s voice. If you love a man’s voice you’ll love who he is on the inside more than the outside. A good voice can also be highly therapeutic.
This doesn’t appear to be working. I need advice on how to socialize NOT date. Something I can talk about around the office beyond- oh hey. You’re wearing a white shirt. You know you’re not supposed to be doing that after Labor Day.
@petester I didn’t realize J was like that and I figured mouse would be helpful on how guys actually think. I think that pretty much every guy has about the same mindset as mouse and I asked him because I figured at least he was honest about it.
@mistercollie thank you for actually being helpful . I was hoping for socialization tips though.
Talk about business or how their weekends went. Ask them about their wives and children. offices don’t usually allow fraternizing, harassment and dating fellow workers. Men really aren’t so different they like to socialize and share family pictures too.
Mouse is an extreme case, but you’re right, we all think the same things as him. I can’t understand how you can have a fiancée and not know how to talk to guys. People like to talk about themselves, that’s a good start. Some guys want an intelligent conversation believe it or not. We like to talk about work or talk to you, ABOUT you. We want to get to know you. I guess I shouldn’t criticize you because I still find it hard to talk to women. Hey, can you give me some tips?
But guys will tell you about their life or their “adventures” It depends on how old the guy is and what the setting is. I’m sure not going to tell anybody my secrets or everything I know. I’ve given you some tips. Like I said, it depends on the setting. Be friendly, semi-honest, don’t be too serious. The subject of sex will come up (or at least an insinuation of it at the least). Just laugh about it.
Girls generally don’t like me. No one likes me. But I still like talking to them and being around them. Maybe someone likes me but I’m still going to go out and socialize and be friendly and talk to girls.
When it comes to socializing, we’re all super unique there. I, personally, don’t do much talking in a conversation. I enjoy listening more than speaking. If I have to speak, my hope is that whatever pops out of me is purely logical and interesting. I don’t like to get emotional.
Some guys are incredibly hilarious to listen to… might wanna learn to let that side of a man shine. I used to be really funny, not so much anymore these days - I’ve had to do too much “shut up & listen” stuff.
How do you have any idea as to whether or not a female likes you? They have different anatomies & hormones, we’ll never be able to understand how they feel - but I highly doubt it is always negative if you don’t look like a Brad Pitt or sound like a George Clooney.
