Faking a disease for some kind of gain.
How can I know if I’m faking? Why would my Pdoc prescribe medications if I’m just faking? Maybe I have her fooled too, and I believe it too.
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How do you fake hearing voices? You’re clearly unable to turn them off, so it’s totally disrupting your life enough that you can’t work.
That’s a legitimate disability.
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I feel like this SO OFTEN. Seriously, it happens every few months for the last fifteen years. I’m convinced I’m just making it all up for attention or the $$ or who knows what.
I used to go off my meds when I would think like that. Then quickly end up back in the hospital. But even still, after getting back on meds I never really remember it clearly and still feel like I was just acting crazy and wasn’t actually crazy. If that makes sense.
Anyways, I’ve learned to just accept that I’ll never know if I’m faking it or not, but I’m much more content on meds, so that’s the way I’ll stay.
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I feel this way too. I wish I had answers.
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Thanks everyone, helps to know I’m not alone. I think I’m not all with it today
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Found a lot of information on malingering on the web, causes, reasons why, treatment.
But not a single thing on how to figure out if I’m doing it. Voices are still telling me I’m not sick, telling me I’m lying.
Dealing with obsessive thoughts, I just can’t shake it. Maybe none of it was real? Maybe it was all real and psychiatric help isn’t needed?
Maybe it all is just a lie, for whatever unknown reason?
So many questions, and no answer is seeming to stick with me, no satisfaction yet, no peace. Maybe delusion? But I shouldn’t be aware of possible delusions, right?
Uhg, wtf am I? Liar? sick? Bodhisattva?
Gonna try my Pdoc again. I hate how no one ever answers, you have to leave a message on a machine and they’ll call you back. Even for appointments. Feels like they never call back.
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I was told once malingering is intentional. If you are faking it you’d know because there has to be some intent involved. So I started worrying I was just a hypochrondriac. Lol obsessive thoughts are ruthless.
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I don’t know if I’m faking it, that’s why I’m confused.
And agreed on the obsessive thoughts. The voices say things that triggers my ocd. It’s a vicious cycle
Ps. Not to mention the intrusive thoughts
Sometimes I freak out that I may he faking. It’s the cruelest paradox of this illness. Not only does it rob us of our senses, but it also makes us think we arent actually sick.
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I think I’m faking it too. But then I go off meds because the meds are killing me and then I get sick again, then I think I tricked myself so even I would believe it. It goes on and on. I will never believe I’m sick, ever, really because how could I trust myself to walk amongst others and do what I have to do if at any moment I could be completely out of control of myself which is what psychosis is. I hate that. I hate that at any moment I would just have no control. That is so against every fiber of my essence. I have to think I’m not sick, it’s the only way I can cope.
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How can you fake hearing voices? That stuff’s totally involuntary.
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It would be easier if it’s all real, if it was all correct. The angels, the dead, if I wasn’t sick, and there really is a plan, a chosen soul, touched with the divine, destined to join the angels that have guided me for years. Relaying lessons and rules.
Cursed to be an unknown prophet in his own time, but having a special place amongst them when I break the bonds of this plane.
I think it’s easier to believe that then to believe I’m sick, human, mortal. The promise of peace is more tempting than the reality of the situation. Maybe.
Thank you
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I’ve gone through those thoughts and come back to Earth, full circle. > < This close to full normalcy now.
Let me tell you, life is a lot more fun without people in your head barking at you 24/7.
Super creative and a great actor? Maybe I’m just that good. They tell me I’m so good I even tricked myself.
nods I’ve had quiet before, heck even just whispers I can’t make out seems like a paradise right now.
What helped you? I’m still trying to find a pill that fully helps me. And my therapy CBT tools are lacking me at the moment
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A combination of Hydrogen Gas therapy (to reduce oxidative stress and restore tight junctions in the body, those are the building blocks of the all-important blood-brain barrier and intestinal lining,) Liposomal colostrum (to restore the gut lining and reduce autoimmune inflammation / food sensitivities), and Amyloban 3399 (reduces brain inflammation appreciably, which lowers schizophrenia symptoms.)
I haven’t been on the first two long enough to tell you to take them (only been about 2 weeks for both, but getting good improvements,) but Amyloban 3399 has a good presence on this forum. Been taking that for months, and it only takes about 2 days to fully kick in. @shutterbug says it’s as good as Clozapine at reducing his symptoms!
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Thank you, i’ll look into them.
The pills I take now help reduce how loud the voices are, how much power they have over me, and my confusion, but haven’t taken them away fully.
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IMO, schizophrenics are in a battle against chronic brain inflammation. The inflammation manifests as a chemical imbalance, and subsequent schizophrenia symptoms.
The science is starting to develop on that approach.
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Tbh I would not be surprised if this is true, or at least contributes, so many diseases originate from chronic inflammation including cancer and heart disease
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I’ve struggled with thinking I’m making it up ever since I first got psychosis.
It goes like this:
- I’m thinking something weird.
- That can’t possibly be true.
- Maybe aliens have inserted that thought, because I wouldn’t think it - it’s too silly
- That can’t be true
- Then why am I thinking it?
- It looks just like schizophrenia - so I must be pretending to have schizophrenia.
- Why would I do that?
- Don’t know - must have some ‘sub-conscious’ desire for attention or something.
- It must be subconscious because I’m not aware that I’m making it up and can’t force it to stop.
- If only I could figure out Why I’m doing this!
Years and years going round this loop looking for subconscious reasons for me to be hysterical and I now accept the simpler and obvious solution that it’s a brain disease.
No amount of effort allowed me the Think my way out of it. It kind of was some kind of hope that I could one day make it stop by getting myself to stop faking it.
I thought I was the only one who went through this and reading that lots of us do it has helped heaps. I think it is just a delusion by itself. It’s because my brain can’t detect that it is functioning incorrectly and looks inwards for solutions. If only our brains could run self-diagnostics!
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