Then why on earth do I feel I am?? Why do I feel like I’ve wanted this sza and am special and that I took meds for nothing and don’t need my meds; that I’ve induced my psychosis by taking them and need to wean off them so I can adjust my brain again to normie state? What is wrong with me? Do I lack insight?
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You seem to go through cycles right now of feeling like you need a med increase, then a med decrease, fine then not fine.
Just stay the course and keep things steady.
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Yes it sounds like lack of insight. Sometimes our desire to get well disrupts our sense of logic. I understand you are sick and tired of this illness - we all are - but quitting meds will only land you in hospital, again.
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I can’t speak to why you feel like you are faking it. I can only say that it’s not uncommon.
I don’t believe that you are faking it.
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You’ve spent time in a psych hospital. No one would fake that.
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I’ve also spent some time delusional believing I was faking it. That I made everything up. For attention, for pity, for whatever reason that I could never figure out.
Talking to people who know me, reality checking with my Pdoc, therapist, family, and friends. Tell them how I’m feeling.
You aren’t alone in it, I know a few who have had these thoughts. It happens.
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My personal opinion that we think we are faking it, is because when we go thru symptoms that are traumatic, our brains “forget” what we have gone thru, as part of the healing process.
And when we re-visit it - in our mind, when we are stable - we almost dont want to believe that we were actually that crazy, so we must of made it up.
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I’ve never once thought you have been faking anything. I feel badly for the continual distress you seem to suffer and would love to see you find some relief.
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You’re not faking all you’ve written for the past 4 or 5 years, or however long you’ve been on here. The sheer volume of your symptoms proves you have schizophrenia. You didn’t do it to yourself and you can’t think your way out of it.
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Well i actually faked everything…i wore a pink shirt to the nuclear power plant i work at and then i got placed in a mental hospital with some guy named michael jackson and well he sang happy birthday to my daughter lisa but well its the past
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I’ve been hospitalized over twenty times, and some days I feel like I am faking it. I fought a commitment in court several times, to no avail. Once the authorities decide you’re not responsible they keep you in their care whether you want to be there or not.
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Tupac took ballet well they called him tutupac and at that time he was a poet but well didnt realize his potential and now hes in spain living it up and making new music!
I have the same problem. Its a part of the disease. Wishful thinking also. No one wants to believe they have this condition you cant just will away. You need to be able to accept help. I tried to explain it a million different ways because I was ashamed and couldn’t fill in the gaps/pieces. I dont have proof of being assaulted. I dont have proof of trauma causing it. I know it was a slow decline and then it started happening, and medication brought me lucidity and back to normal. I can notice the difference.
Sorry for your struggles. But lack of insight does come with it, or just denial not wanting to face up to this reality of a disease that steals our reality perceptions.
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Maybe i should lay off the cbd …it makes me act and say weird random stuff…well hmmmm
Politics and off topic @matthewj
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I know i know im not posting for the next 5 days ! 
Laugh out loud! Very funny!!
I feel the same way.
I feel like meds make me more ill over time because I need more and more of them to cope. If I had to very slowly taper off then I’d very slowly heal over time. I just get this thought sometimes.
I also wonder that. But I was having a psychotic episode before meds.