Just scared

Hospitalized back in May, put on meds (seroquel and venlafaxine), initial dosage worked gr8, now the meds seem to do nothing more than keep me in a slight fog all day and make it possible for me to fall asleep. Can’t find a psychiatrist to up the dosage. Tried calling the psych who saw me in hospital, but he didn’t understand my message. Scared to call him back but I need my meds fixed.

I sleep for at least eight hours a day if possible. I’m tired when I’m awake. If something upsets me I want to go right back to bed. I know I’m depressed. My self-care is awful. Most days I do not eat. My memory is ■■■■. Suspicious. Paranoid. Cynical. Spacing out a lot. Hearing voices more often. Having instances of “inserted thoughts” where an angry voice insists negative things I don’t want to believe are actually true, and encourages me to act out. (I don’t.)

Two suicide attempts this year, one resulting in hospitalization in May, the other no big deal. They didn’t even call my therapist to tell her.

Haven’t seen my therapist or my probation officer in close to two months. Scared to see them. Worried they will tell me I haven’t been doing what I’m supposed to do, and put me in jail, or put me back in the hospital indefinitely. Don’t feel like they care. Don’t feel like anybody cares, really. Suspicious that they are both waiting for me to get in touch so they can punish me.

Some major issues going on at home with my son, who has ADHD, is on the autism spectrum, and is showing signs of a developing psychotic or mood disorder. He’s suicidal. Of course I blame myself as the parent. We’re trying to get him the services he needs but it’s an uphill battle. I feel sure he is going to kill himself. I feel there’s nothing I can do to prevent it.

Now I find out we’re going to be investigated by DCF. Due to being on probation, I might be arrested just for being under investigation, because I’m not supposed to get into any trouble and I haven’t been keeping up with my probation or my therapy. If I go to jail the kids will go into foster care.

Plus Christmas.

I want to run away. I want to stop taking my meds. I want to sleep for a hundred years. I want to skip to the end of this year. Maybe I want to skip to the end of my own life.

I’m married but he has his own issues and a social life so he doesn’t do much to help me out unless I am actively in crisis – he will remind me to eat / make me food or insist I need to go to the ER, but outside of that he pretty much lets me do my own thing. This is good when I’m healthy but right now I really need help and I am terrible at asking for help. I never ask for help, more accurately.

wat do

So What Exactly Are You Afraid of (???) … … … ,


e v e r y t h i n g

I have to be here to go through all this ■■■■ but I don’t want to at all

Yeah Is No Fun When E V E R Y T H I N G Is Scuree … ,

Perhaps ,

Chill ,

Relax ,


Think Clearly On Tha Shazz You Gotta Do to Get Throo Your Fear … ,

Gotta Be Honest e(Y)e Didn’t Read All You Wrote Cause , Well , Tis Too Much … ,


I’m trying to keep myself relaxed but whenever I start thinking about current events in my life, or the things I need to get done, I seize up and begin to dissociate. Then I cry a lot. Or sleep a lot. Or nothing.

There isn’t time for me to chill and relax, and I haven’t been able to think clearly for years. But I do appreciate the kind advice.

I wrote a lot, yeah, sorry.

You Can Fight It (!!!) … … … ,

Nvr Give Up Yo Yo (!!!) … … … ,


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I don’t think the hospital would keep you fforever. I think you should go to the er to get your meds adjusted if you can’t get to a regular visit… and being its the weekend I would go to the er if I were you… hugs. Do the next right thing and don’t give into fear. If you take the steps you need to it’ll be better on paper with the authorities too dear. Ty for your honesty. I think you should address your med concerns with the er being you can’t find a day doc

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I’m not a professional. That’s just my opinion

Where’d,Joo Ged Thaz 1 “nick” … ! … ! …


Just care your kids and get far away from hedonistic life standarts.if you feel that this life is just about joy and pleasure you will be very stressed.my situation right now is far far away from pleasure but i have hope which make kid and take care of him.just that.i don t see meaning of life is pleasure because if i put this pleasure as a target of my life i will be very stressed.sorry for my english

It’s an old saying. I think it’s also on packages of Morton Salt.

Yeah No Dizzie Fo Shizzie Yo Yo (!!!) … … … ,

e(Y)e ALSO Sayd it When (???) … … … ,


I don’t think life is about joy and pleasure, necessarily. But I do know I need to keep my stress low or I start to hallucinate and experience more sz / psychosis symptoms.

My kids have a higher quality of life than I do, and that’s fine by me. But even doing my best is not good enough.

I feel like I’m being set up. I feel like somebody is out to get me and is just arranging circumstances to be this way, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I want to just call and tell them to arrest me already and get it over with because I can’t take this waiting anymore. Why do they have to torture me like this

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Gun Control Gun Control Gun Control Hehehehe .


İm so sorry for squad.my english is very limited.that why i can not say what i want to say.but just focus your kids and put them in to the center of your life.just that i will be do this if ı have kids.

My symptoms are bad too right now, lets just cast spells

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Imma Drunk as a Skunk in tha Forest with WHAT WHAT (!!!) … … … ,


Lissen Bon Bon Jus Be Cool and Call Your Doctor if you Are Going to Hurt Yourself or Anyone Else … … … ,


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I don’t want to hurt anyone right now. I’m just hurting.

I have felt more compelled to hurt myself lately, though. I should probably call my therapist tomorrow just to check in. And I should make myself go to bed, because it’s really late here, and I need to be awake tomorrow. (I slept close to twelve hours today, have been awake less than twelve)

Thank you guys for talkign with me. I know I’m not here often but I’m glad I can show up and get a little kindness from the community.