Hi, so im kind of stuck. I feel like im just getting much worse. I’m not taking any meds because im scared the doctors are poisoning me, and i cant even find a new psychiatrist anyways.I cant sleep, every time i lay down, i have major anxiety attacks, which just make the voices worse, as a result i stay awake for 45-55 hours at a time then fall asleep for a few hours and wake up and do it again. Its hard to do that and maintain a job.
My other thing is my parents. I dont think they care at all. I dont know how it could be that they just dont understand, because ive tried explaining it 10000 times, and when i say anything concerning me being sick they just get pissed and start yelling. Whenever i have an “episode” they freak out and act really paranoid about it, but then the next day its like it didnt happen. They get pissed because i dont have friends and i never go out. And that i cant get a better job or go to school.They also get pissed that im always awake. Like i said, ive tried to explain it, they just dont care. Im terrified i will be kicked out soon. So now not only do i have severe anxiety about leaving the house, but i also have severe anxiety about being in the house. Its ■■■■■■.
I literally have no idea what the next move is. Im trapped.Its making me start to begin considering taking a bite off the tree of forbiden fruit and considering the only option i see viable.
Any suggestions, or storied of similar situations you got through would be incredibly appreciated.