Schizophrenia.com

Not sure what to do now


#1

Hi, so im kind of stuck. I feel like im just getting much worse. I’m not taking any meds because im scared the doctors are poisoning me, and i cant even find a new psychiatrist anyways.I cant sleep, every time i lay down, i have major anxiety attacks, which just make the voices worse, as a result i stay awake for 45-55 hours at a time then fall asleep for a few hours and wake up and do it again. Its hard to do that and maintain a job.

My other thing is my parents. I dont think they care at all. I dont know how it could be that they just dont understand, because ive tried explaining it 10000 times, and when i say anything concerning me being sick they just get pissed and start yelling. Whenever i have an “episode” they freak out and act really paranoid about it, but then the next day its like it didnt happen. They get pissed because i dont have friends and i never go out. And that i cant get a better job or go to school.They also get pissed that im always awake. Like i said, ive tried to explain it, they just dont care. Im terrified i will be kicked out soon. So now not only do i have severe anxiety about leaving the house, but i also have severe anxiety about being in the house. Its ■■■■■■.

I literally have no idea what the next move is. Im trapped.Its making me start to begin considering taking a bite off the tree of forbiden fruit and considering the only option i see viable.

Any suggestions, or storied of similar situations you got through would be incredibly appreciated.


#2

there is nothing to be scared of , you may see and hear scary things but i do as well , and i’m okay.
doing meds is up to you, but the shrinks are not trying to poison you that is just rubbish and paranoia, we all get it though…
i took meds once for less than 6 months then nothing for twenty years, but looking into it again/have a perscription don’t know if i’ll get them…
you need sleep otherwise coping is harder, try and get some sleeping tablets but if you go on meds make sure you are alowed to take both at the same time/meaning are they compatible…
you can not expect your parents to understand your illness, it is helpful, but i would one get them leaflets on sz or try to get your shrink to sit down with them and explain what you have.
hope this helps.
know that someone cares.
take care


#3

thank you for the reply.
I have tried things like melatonin, and it helps a bit.

i was considering taking my mom to see my doc with me at some point. Maybe she will understand it a bit better then.


#4

Don’t give up. Yes, life is miserable, unfair, and scary. It’s that way for a lot of people including me. My life consists of days where I feel that all I am is a big mess of problems and negative characteristics and character defects and fear. But I have good days too. Meds work for lots of people. Without them, lots of people suffer needlessly. No, your doctor is NOT poisoning you. Doctors are (or were) trying to help you. They want to see you get better, doctors are paid to help people. I’ve never felt from a doctor that he wishes anything bad to happen to me. Even if he did, 90% of doctors would act professionally and still do their job which is to help you. Yes, I read your sentence about finding a doctor. But if you find one, keep this stuff in mind. You’re in a rut with some valid fears.


#5

Thanks for the post. I honestly realize how completly irrational it is to think im being poisoned. Its just a major fear, But if i can find a new doctor i have decided that i will face that fear and go.


#6

My voices tell me meds are poison. Just decide to trust the doc instead of your thoughts or voices. They are not real. The doc is.

And what to do with ignorant parents… I don’t know. I moved to live with a friend when I turned 18. Had some really crappy jobs to begin with. Anything that brought money home.

I can’t talk to my parents about sz. I have given hints. But never told them the whole story. Mymom wants me off meds.


#7

That’s the spirit! Good luck.


#8

Hi proof. At times my son will think that I don’t care because he doesn’t understand why I do some of the things that I do. Have your parents threatened to kick you out?

From a parents point of view. I get mad and I get paranoid. I get mad when my son doesn’t sleep. Because I know that he needs his sleep. I am mad because I care. I have been accused of being paranoid and yes I can be. When I see my son doing things that are going to cause his symptoms to flair up. When I see little signs that indicate that he is not doing well. I get paranoid because I have an idea of what may be headed our way and I want to stop it before it happens. I can get mad and yell. Not because I’m mad at him but because I’m mad and frustrated and feel like I’m fighting an up hill battle that only I can see is worth fighting. I’m fighting it because I love him. I’m mad, yelling and paranoid because I love him. Is it possible that your parents are pissed and freaking out because they actually do care? If they didn’t care why would it matter to them if you slept or not? They may be more mad at sz then you.

I hope you get some help with your sleeping. Your body needs sleep.


#9

I think that would be a very good idea. Maybe a doc could explain it to your parents in a way they understand. I had a good doc for a while who sort of acted as an interpreter. When I tried to explain my symptoms to my family I was sort of scaring them. But when the doc could hear what I was experiencing and then put it in terms my family could relate too… that really helped our life on all sides.

They were understanding what I was going through and I was not freaking out trying to find a way to explain it.

Plus my friend, you need some sleep. Our brains go even more haywire with out it. I don’t think the doc is trying to poison us. It’s sneaky brained thinking from the head circus. They like to tell us the meds are bad and that way they can play harder.

But is there anyway you can exhaust yourself out? Or take a bath before bed or listen to something relaxing that will quiet the circus in your head and help you sleep?


#10

I think the strains and distress my condition put on my mom is at least as severe as it has put on me. At the lowest point of my time my friend pointed out to me that there is a limit to my mom’s emotion and asked me try to understand her behavior. I think my mom acted a bit weird and maybe it is too much for her to face the changes we have been through. The fact that I’m ill is already too fearful to face with.

Do u think distraction could help u to shut down your thoughts a bit? I am trying to read newspaper and cover stories to diverge my attention and it is helping. I can sleep again. Maybe they are not trying to get u out of the house and u are safe? I think it would help if u find some sleep. Sleep deprivation is hurting our brain.


#11

thank you all so much for posting.

I’ve been thinking about exercising more to try and make myself more tired when i go to bed. I also usually put on ocean noises before i sleep which helps.

@BarbieBF That actually puts it into perspective. Ive never thought of how strange some of this may sound looking at it from the outside in. It could be just as scary for my mom as it is for me.

They have not threatened to kick me out. Its just one of those things i know is going to happen.