yes,i am afraid. and I feel shame. will I get through this one day? I cant think… yes, I am dumb…I don’t see anybody anymore except one ill friend and my mother…I know, I am annoying probably for those who are fine now…but I spent the last 15 years with some kind of psychil illness and I want to be happy already.
but I am dumb, I don’t talk a lot cause I cant think.
otherwise,its my 6th day without meds…
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The fear is very real and very crippling. It takes a LOT of work to push around it. The meds are the biggest reason I don’t live in fear of an imaginary alien invasion – hope you will reconsider taking yours again. Glad you are here and sharing.
Pixel.
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no for the meds… ive always had my fears on my meds… I don’t wanna hear anything more about meds for the moment. I am just complexed…meds never worked for me!!! I tried them for 7 years!
sorry Anna, i don’t think that is a good idea, please talk with your care team. you are not dumb you just been having a hard time,
its not a bad idea. its the only idea that I took for caring for myself since years.ive always listened to my pdocs and I was getting worse and worse… I tried every neuro on the market and some-for a long time… I couldn’t think,i was afraid, I was seeing the colors brighet and I was getting paranoid… I couldn feel,only pain,i was depressed, and it never got better. why cant you admit that meds don’t work for some people??? sorry if I am rude but why can you admit it? I am here now,looking for some other options against my fears…
you are right that meds don’t work for everyone, but what else is there? do you think you can remain stable and get better without meds?
I want also to mention that I never made crisisis or psychotis episodes… Its just kinda of chronic state…I was selfdetroying. I was hating myself and others… that’s why,once they diagnosed me borderline… but really,i even don’t want to describe what ive had on meds,it was hell…I prefer die alone here between 4 walls but not meds pls…probably positive thinking can help… trying to occupy myself. babysteps for the going outside…
I am afraid of the madness in fact. of the mad people also cause I was treated like nobody from my parents probably I think. I still try to love my mother but ive loved her too much at a time… to a point that I became a child,not a grown person with her own opinion…
despite all of that i still think you should tell your doctor and care team what you are doing, you may also experience withdrawals from meds you were taking
I don’t wanna see pdocs anymore… ill see her when I feel sure in myself…I am fine,its my withdrawal is fine for the moment…
I just feel alone cause I don’t know anyone else who is so afraid of others…
I am, I avoid going out in public constantly. I’m always paranoid they are talking about me.
I do see some close friends once in a while in the deadest of restaurants so I won’t get paranoid.
Its tough to live with, just try and stay in the moment, mindful.
Hi Anna, i’m really sorry your having such a bad time of it. I am afraid of other people to, apart from one very good friend i am socially isolated. I am going to an art group this week with my Occupational Therapist i feel very scared about that
i don’t do meds…and i am not fearful …or afraid.
i see a lot of stuff monsters…demons etc…hear voices…
i have since childhood.
but i got used to it all…i taught myself to ’ not’ be afraid.
when i was afraid of something …i would challenge it…until i was not afraid anymore.
e.g… i was afraid of the dark as a young teenager…so i would walk for miles at night through the woods.
i created safe rooms in my head…void of all demons and voices.
there is no shame in being afraid…it takes a brave soul to admit it. 
most of humanity is afraid of something.
take care 
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thank you to all guys, you are really nice… yes,probably the best way is to go against them like for darksith :). the distraction could work also… but yes, I feel soulweak and I still feel guilt and shame…I need to me bore gentle tomyself like somebody said it to me… theres no sense to torturing ourselves…
I prefer to try without meds,yes…
kisses 
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Everyone is afraid sometimes. I deal with it similar to darksith. If i am afraid of something ill do it regardles, out of principle.
You are afraid but you are not a coward anna. Going off meds proves that. And you’ve been through a lot. You are a warrior and a survivor i’ ve got nothing but respect for you. Be proud of yourself.
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The voices/paranoia play on the fear 
. They know when your most vulnerable it seems to me. I avoid going out the house as to avoid panic attacks. Particularly strong psychosis last night 
, the voices seemed real flesh devil worshipers, but I’ve never seen one.
I do push myself to face fear now & again, it’s sometimes a relief tho not always. Dark is safest.
Take a look at the people around you. A lot of them are scared too. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
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ok, great,illl continue to struggle… tomorrow ill go out to the pharmacy,i just make my babysteps 
otherwise, do you think I can recover on the level of my intelligence? I cant think now,i don’t have ideas in my head. I am always astonned by the actors who are remembering their texts(memory problems also here)…
I live in an environment where little is expected of me and where there are few threats, and yet I have manufactured reasons to be afraid. My life always has been fear based. I think the solution is to learn to view yourself with the same compassion you would have for anyone who is suffering. Don’t get defensive about your fears. Just view them with compassion.
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I’m afraid too. I’m afraid of getting worse. I’m afraid of being a burden. I’m afraid my freinds will leave me. I’m afraid the voices are right about me, that im worthless and a burden. I’m afraid I’ll screw up another relationship and scare a freind away. And I’m afraid one day i might hurt someone. I’m afraid too
Anna, I have severe memory problems as part of my illness, as well as the sense that I have gotten stupider over time.
Ig (the primary voice on my shoulder) tells me it’s the meds that do it, they’re making me stupid so I’ll be compliant, they don’t want me awake, they are trying to trick me.
Maybe it is. Maybe he’s right. Probably not, though, because I can hear him laughing too, and I know he likes to scare or worry me.
So if Ig is lying about the meds, then that must mean he’s afraid of them. Which means they’re helping in some small way, by making him less active. Or maybe just by making him fearful of them – that’s enough.
I think I am stupider than I was, but Ig tells me this, too, and I know he’s a liar. Or I write a forum response like this and tell myself, well, I can still string a sentence together, that’s not half-bad. That’s just about as good as I’d like, in fact.
I lose things. I forget things. I clean, and then can’t find anything. I put things away and am surprised when I find them. “Who put this here?” I’m always asking, and B tells me, “You did.”
Earlier today I was trying to find the adaptor for my laptop. I found it right next to the end table, about six inches away from where I’d been sitting. I know I’ve cleaned that entire room twice recently and did not see it. I felt so incredibly stupid for not seeing it earlier, as obvious as it was. I started to get very angry with myself, thinking about my memory difficulties, my inability to find anything, my helplessness around the house. B said, “Hey, it’s all right. It’s found, OK?”
Some things just are, and they must be accepted, or you’ll exhaust yourself fighting against them but they will not change.
The meds are helping you. You may not see it, but it’s helping you. If you feel like stopping you should have someone you can call or a reminder sheet listing the ways meds make your life better. Even if it’s a very very short list! Appreciate medical science, that you have pills to take instead of being burned at the stake for your “fits” or exiled from society for your strange thoughts. We are truly very lucky people, when you look at it from a historical perspective.
You might feel like you’re getting stupid, but you aren’t. Start up habits that make you feel good about your intelligence. Word searches, crossword puzzles, picture puzzles, word games, even coloring in a coloring book – all are good, calming, brain-boosting activities at any age. Find some people to play cards with once in a while. Take up chess. Use that brain! Keeping a daily blog or starting conversations here are good thinking / communicating devices, too.
You may never feel the way you did before. All any of us can do is enjoy what we have right now. There is no such thing as permanence or control.