Continuing the discussion from Trying to stay calm… panicking on the inside. I think it’s hospital time:
That was yesterday morning… The doc’s took one look my sis and kept her. I only got to see her last night. They are going to keep her for tonight too. They are trying to stop the stomach bleeding. If it doesn’t stop soon they are going to “go in and fix it” But I haven’t been told anything other then that. She is also anemic and there were a host of other problems.
I don’t know why they won’t talk to me. I’m the one who lives with her. I’m the one who knows what she’s been eating and what she’s been doing. Why won’t they let me in on the conversation. They keep trying to talk to our parents… they don’t know. They don’t live with her.
I don’t know if I’m just not realizing how bad this is, can’t read what’s going on around me, not quite understanding what’s going on, or if this is routine and no one seems panicked. Or maybe they are all scared underneath and are pretending this all normal because they are afraid to set me off… Just because I’ve been fighting off SZ doesn’t mean I can’t be there for someone else… this is so confusing.
I can’t tell if this is “OH MY GOD” time or if this is… “Eh, it happens, we can fix it. Boring really…” time.
My sis has always been more self-supporting then all of us boys. We have all had some problem or another with Mental illness or addiction or depression so Mom and Dad are always dealing with us. But not my sis. No addiction, no problems with the law, no drinking, good grades, sunny disposition, self-professed optimist… Never needed extra attention so she never really got extra attention… until now.
I just always figured that by the time she would be able to get to the parents, the well of energy would be dry. So I took care of her. I always wondered too how they felt. I always knew they liked her well enough, but they never seem to be that worried about her… Until now. I’ve never seen them cry over her… until now.
For some reason my window of delayed emotional reaction is still wide open. Maybe it’s blown open and will never shut now.
I was wondering, how do you NOT let a family medical emergency cue the head circus?