Some bad news hit me hard... unexpected

I got some news yesterday and today I’ve woken up really sad and not feeling well. I’m sort of confused, scared, and angry. (There was a time I had no emotion. They aren’t supposed to hit all at once. That doesn’t seem right.)

My kid sis used to go to a sibling Sz support group. But some very negative people and a drastic change in the group made her decide to quit going. A friend of hers will keep in light contact. Yesterday my sis was told by the friend that one of the girls committed suicide this past Sunday.

The girl who passed away was 17 and my kid sister’s friend kept saying… “but she was the normal one. She didn’t have any problems. She wasn’t the one with the mental illness.”

Yeah… She was fine and dandy, that is why she actively left this life. This girl obviously was NOT fine, she obviously DID have problems. The family, the counselor, the facilitator of the support group… they all dropped the ball.

I have read some of the “Sibling” books where the parents are so focused on the ill child they completely ignore the “well” one. That really upsets me and scares me. It also makes me feel very guilty. I don’t understand why a parent would completely ignore a child for being healthy. I do feel sorry for this girl and her sibling. I could only imagine how this girls ill sibling is most likely falling apart even more.

I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard. I have heard of this girl through my sis. I have met her once or twice. But that’s all.

I think another thing that is making me upset is… I keep thinking that this could happen to my family. My kid sis is the healthy one but my parent’s don’t seem to like her. If I wasn’t around no one would like her or help her out. How does anyone survive their 17th year on earth?

This is very sad and confusing and I bet if I was healthy, I’d be able to keep this in perspective. But I’m not healthy so I know I’m not going to do well for a few days. This is going to upset me no matter how much I try not to let it. There are some urges I’m battling back hard… that I know are not helpful.

(I sort of want to tell my parents… see… this could happen to MY sibling. Why won’t you just be there for her?) I feel very upset for this poor girl, and her sibling, and my sibling.

How did no one see this coming?

1 Like

J, I am so sorry that this happened, it is very sad indeed. Im sure that your sis will bounce back, she is strong.
Life is filled with good and bad surprises - this was a bad one, but life will go on, please hang in there


Thanks for that Wave. I’m trying to calm it down… but I’m not having much luck right now.

My sis will bounce. She’s a strong kid. I KNOW my kid sis would never take the voluntary door out of existence. She does come to me when she’s feeling low, she does go to her therapist, she does use the resources offered.

She has said time and time again that letting go of life voluntarily is not an option for her… she likes life too much.

But I just get really upset with my parent’s for how they treat her. It really makes me sad/angry.

When stuff like this happens, and the argument my Mom and Sis had… it just further proves that if I wasn’t around to help my sister out… there would be no one else from the family on her side.

I am sorry to hear this. Sometimes very unexpected things happen. I knew once a young man Timo. He was always very friendly and polite, and he was married with one child. He was 28 and then suddenly he just hang himself without any warnings, everybody was sad, because he was a very nice man. Something just went wrong. The life is full of unexpected events.


it is very sad when something like this happens,

lucky you and your sis look out for each other and also family i am sure really care about you both as well

i thought i heard somewhere that your sis actually saved you from an overdose is this true? and that you saved her from a house fire so you have both saved each other from death and i think that is to be commended.

just dont waste that that is worth saving, dont waste the life that may never have been bc it is worth saving and that is the truth.

Very sorry to hear this. Mental Health (in America) is still very hard to come by in terms of support. You and your sis are blessed to have one another. Appreciate the small things and the little victories you experience everyday. I wish you and your sister nothing but the best.


Sorry this is upsetting you. Emotions are hard and yes they can hit all at once and be very confusing. There are times when I don’t know which emotion I am feeling the most. I want to cry from anger, being hurt, being sad…

Comparing that situation to your situation is bound to cause anger and fear. Wanting to ensure that this doesn’t happen to your sister makes sense. It’s why I read and sometimes post articles regarding MI deaths because these things do happen and we don’t want them happening. However your sis is NOT alone. She has a wonderful big brother.

The last time I recommended you talk to your parents I don’t think it went to good :blush: but maybe they do need a nice reminder that sis needs their support too.

Also it’s ok to grieve this person’s passing even if you didn’t know her very well. Death is sad especially like that.

1 Like

The house fire was started by a neighbors high powered 4th of July fire work that went through her bedroom window and burnt our house down. I was 14 and she was 3.

I was already inside so I ran into her bedroom and pulled her out of bed and we ran out. We both ended up in the burn unit and got a few skin grafts. Mine are on my back and side and up one arm. Her burn scars are on her legs and a small graft on her shoulder.

When I tried to actively leave this life about 6 years ago, I purposely overdosed. She found me, called 911 and did rescue breathing and CPR, and here I am.

I was sure I was getting a combo dose of confusion because of my faulty wiring. So, this happens to non-Sz. That is a bit of a relief. But it still taste like a spoon full of Sage powder mixed with unripe grapefruit and pepper corns. I’ve haven’t felt a combo hit me like this. Confusing.

I got a bit over emphatic and dramatic and I wasn’t very nice. I do want to talk to them about this… but I’m having a hard time with the NICE part.

I’ve told my sis what I want to do and how I want to bring this up. She told me that the conversation would be a good idea, but the method I want to use to start that conversation might be a bit harsh. She keeps trying to tell me that once I let this settle down, then I’ll most likely have some better ideas.

But she has been telling me that her first gut reaction ideas aren’t her best ones either so I guess that runs in the family.


I think emotions are more like a rainbow of colors instead of just one. When we feel loved we also feel happy, giddy, elated, joyous, euphoric, safe, comforted etc. When we feel bad then it will also come with it’s own rainbow. I know how hard it can be to be overwhelmed by your own emotions but still I smile when I read that you are now adding rainbows to your color box :rainbow:

Most peoples first gut reaction is not the best one. I guess that’s why stopping, breathing, counting to 10 is such a valuable coping tool. It’s why I try not to discipline my kids in the heat of the moment lol I usually ended up cancelling the grounding because it wasn’t fair in the first place as I had let my own feelings rule my actions.

Maybe write them a letter, in pencil or in notepad. I find when I’m writing my book that I sometimes write it first as a way of venting but then I delete and rewrite it trying to be objective. The second or third time I can mentally step back and try to see all sides because I have to a certain degree allowed myself the freedom of expressing my own emotions first.

1 Like

I’ve been going back and sort of self censoring or editing. I don’t know if that is a good thing or not. The sis says if I come on too strong, everyones defense shields will go up and they won’t hear me correctly.

The more I live outside my head, the more I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I try to anyway. I don’t always make it.

I have this question going through my head on a loop… I know what an amazing person my sis is. Why don’t the parents see it?

That’s terrible. I’m lost for words, I really am :frowning: Life is so unpredictable.

1 Like

Thank you for that. I just keep going back to the fact the person who told my sis the news kept saying… “She didn’t have any problems, she wasn’t the one with Mental illness”

I keep thinking… She did have problems, she did have some mental illness some where… and no one saw it. Poor girl.

If only it was so black and white :smile:

Me and my kids for example. When my daughter was living with me and my son with his grandmother, his grandmother would get upset that I didn’t call him enough. I was juggling my daughter, work and transit (11 hrs/day), my own personal life and my home life of cooking, laundry etc. Most days I didn’t feel like I had enough time to turn around. So many mornings I would get up and say to myself: Barb you have to call your son tonight… Get home, do dinner, butt heads with my daughter or hubby… It’s the next day before I know it. Repeat. I knew my son had his grandmother, his father if needed and workers. So I would think ok this weekend. Working from home, laundry, groceries, seeing my sister… It’s Monday. In between I may be getting phone calls at 2 in the morning from my son who isn’t stable, high and talking about reincarnation.

Fast forward to now. My son is with me and my daughter is with her dad. Every night I think I have to call my daughter by 10 tomorrow and make sure she is up for school. It’s Thursday and I haven’t done it this week. I know she is getting up because her step-mom is at home now so no more sleeping in for her. Her grandmother is now living with them due to her own health issues (heart attack) and money problems so I know she has someone to talk to more often. Unfortunately my first thoughts in the morning is what appointment do we have today. We missed his blood work yesterday. Are some of the things I noticed last night red flags or did he just have a headache? Do I need to make sure anything else is needed for tomorrow as we have to get another car since ours won’t pass the emissions test and my hubby isn’t very good at thinking things through. What prescriptions need refills?..

My daughter is currently getting the least amount of time and affection from her mom. I don’t love her any less. I don’t think your parents love your sister any less. Perhaps they are dropping the ball in this juggling act (life) where your sister is concerned. Sometimes we need reminders. Sometimes I have to take steps to ensure that I don’t miss another day of calling my daughter. Add items to my grocery list, now, before I forget, for her next care package, before something happens to distracts me.

I think your sister has been the rock that your parents have always been able to count on. If you guys are together then you guys are ok. It doesn’t make it right anymore then me not calling my daughter every day.

1 Like

You guys do look out for each other, that’s great. I wish I was as close to my brother as you are to your sister, although things are getting better

1 Like

The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Some kids demand so much attention, that there is no spare time to for anything else. If you’re quiet, people will leave you alone. Not all parents love their kids equally, some never get to discover how wonderful they are either.
Life isn’t fair, but that don’t mean you can’t try to make it the best you are able.


Im sorry James. You and your sis are both strong as hell, i think you are both stronger than me and have endured what I can’t imagine. Stay strong!

1 Like