I’ve been watching… I’ve been trying to cast off my cloak of flat indifference. I’ve been trying to reach out. I wish I had more ability to connect and comfort.
There has been a lot of stress lately… studying for finals… watching my sis battle some serious exam panic (and not always win) I hate watching her cry over a math book.
watching my youngest brother start his sobriety over… went on a bender during the week… threw his meds away… became a violent jerk again… (punched a window… needed stitches) That’s what I used to be like. Yuck.
He’s sobered up and decided to use his meds again. Is off work because you can’t work at a swimming pool with fresh stitches. So that’s money he’s loosing.
Watching my girlfriend battle game playing politics at her job… inner office games are stressing her out pretty badly.
Watching my middle brother fight his depression… he’s been in a dark frame of mind and more despondent then I’ve seen him in a while… he’s very proactive with his self-care.
To calm myself… These past two days… I decided to watch something else… I’ve been watching the seedlings start to come up… the daffodils start to bloom… I’ve been watching the Harlequin Ducks and Surf Scoter’s migrate back in to our shores.
In all that new life returning… the new hope blooming… I felt rejuvenated and in homage of spring… I told everyone how much I love them.
(I have a sinking feeling my sister in law might have taken that the wrong way.)
As I got carried away in the breath of new spring… I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She said… “yes… but not yet”
Oh the fickle joy of love.
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Well man if you treat relationships like sz then you’ll be a fine partner. Metaphorically they are pretty similar.
Kind of hilarious but good for you.
Hope the best for you man.
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Thank you for that… I think we’re both surprised.
It’s odd to find myself at this point… this ready to start thinking in the settle down idea. Never really planned on it.
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Your at the age for it to be an appropriate and well reasoned decision. You’ve got your work life down, you don’t use. You deserve a full life. That’s how I see it.
Only have a small window into what goes on in your mind at this point but it seems like you know how to roll.
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4.11am
whites wash on, darks in tumble drier waiting for whites to join them in about half an hour. plants watered. just having a quick drink and shisha then i’ll unload and reload the dishwasher and wipe down the sides and draining board and put all the cooking ingredients away and clean the chopping boards and hob. another break then sweep the floor and maybe change the cat litter. can’t hoover or i’ll wake sam up 
which is never a good thing to do lol…feel like mowing the lawn but idon’t think my neighbours will appreciate it at 4.20am lol :-). then after that, tidy lounge…what i want to do and what i actually get done may well be two different things entirely. i may forego the lounge and cat litter alltogether and concentrate on my facebook page. i may even start a facebook page for psychosis/voice hearers/bipolar with psychotic features/schiz maybe a few of you could help with that if you’re interested? have a think and let me know. i may make it a blog page like this one with articles on research/diet tips/ med reviews/.help groups/ that sort of thing…hmmmm dunno…need to think of a good title i think. any ideas welcome. right, quick shisha then it’s on to the kitchen work. 
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WOW…it’s about 4:00 A.M. where you are?? Monday morning…
I’m still sitting here in Sunday. It’s still not 10:00 p.m.
If you don’t mind me asking… what’s a shisha? I’m guessing it’s a quick bite to eat??
Monday 12.48 pm here to spin you out J.
I like mornings just wish they where later on in the day. So glad it’s over… Sigh… mondayitis with no milk to have coffee first thing sux. Forced myself to have a shower etc and catch the bus to get some. Resembled something like death warmed up. Need to do some enquires on the offline support group as still haven’t heard anything. As well as ring around on a new tdoc. But still so tired and flat.
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Spooky! I’m in your future…If you ask me nicely I can give you the winning lotto numbers
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Yeap, A Sandgroper born and bred
Cool dude can finally differentiate you and daydreamer. Thought you were both from the uk.
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it’s an electronic cigarette that burns different flavour glycol liquids…about a hundred times better for you than cigarettes…i’m trying to cut down so i’m trying to alternate between rollies and the shisha. if the liquid is vapourised at 3.3 volts it’s completely harmless. my shisha is variable voltage, the lowest being 3,5 volts so just above harmless range…but better than cigarettes about 100 times less harmful in fact.
it’s now 8.03am so you’re probably in bed by now so sweet dreams and i’ll talk to you anon x
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if there are any piggies like me here then check out my new facebook page. it’s for people who want to lose weight.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/828093553923629
i’ve only just made it so not much on there yet but we’ll be giving recipes and dieting tips and a log of anyone who wants to plot their progress with their diet. first task keeping a food diary for a week of what you would normally eat. join in if you like
sorry for the shameless advertising lol
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I sent a request to be added to your group. If you want to know who I am I can inbox you here.
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it’s ok hunni…i’ll add you in a minute. see you there x
3/16/2015
Finally there is warmer weather!! I am living with my new boyfriend and it’s going well. We spent the weekend with his fourteen year old son and traded my macbook pro for a gaming laptop that is faster and can take two hard drives. My man is a bit older by 6 years. but we get along great/ and he takes good care of me/ made waffles yesterday and this morning english muffins with egg and sausage. We have a full fridge, and he is getting motivated to work at a place in md that looks like a prospective environment. He has an adorable pit bull whose sweet and gentle, and never aggressive. I pretty much am staying here for free, he hasnt asked for rent/ but I am trying to find more babysitting jobs to contribute and save up. My college tuition has been paid off as of last week so my records are no longer on hold, and I can finish college! I’m so excited to start working and educating myself more/ I may go into childcare or psychology because I love this type of work/ my childcare jobs have been mostly watching young boys lol I Havent babysat any girls except my friend’s one year old for free but the one year old boy put up a big fight when I tried to change his diaper last week. I got $30 for about three hrs but I wont go under ten an hour because it makes me more comfortable that the parents will invest in their children. One woman was asking $35 for 8am -5pm and I declined because thats 8 hours and she wouldn’t pay 10 an hour for watching an 8 month old all day, that just seemed a bit low for me. My dad is not as upset after I had a manic episode recently and which is why I kinda moved out because I upset him/ so I’m trying to show him I can be self sufficient/ the babysitting is going well though!! Not much else to report! Happy writing!
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Dear diary,
I really need to vent…
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Thanks for listening.
Help me obi wan kenobi you’re my only hope…
Help me obi wan kenobi you’re my only hope…
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I joined your two groups mentioned. I’m excited. I also mentioned it to my niece, so she may share it with others. I will be under Brigett Hurley on Facebook
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Monday March 16, 2015
I’m feeling better, but I go through this monthly at certain times. I’m really behind in washing waiting for the septic/plumbing to be done. I enjoy cleaning the house, I’m trying to work my way into the yard to pull weeds. I did a few days ago, cut the weeds. I’m really hoping to clean the house really good, pull all the weeds from the yard, and maybe get some some baby chicks. Also, need to wash my clothes and clean my room.