So when my big depressive episode started, I thought that the only thing wrong with me was depression. There was this girl I knew who reached out to me noticing something was wrong. For about a month we would have conversations at least a few times a week. For some reason, I was convinced that she was just using me, and at this point I have suspicions that she is part of the conspiracy against me. Was that ever delusional? I think it is true, but maybe it started out as kind of delusional. But now I think she really is plotting with everyone else against me.
I’ll also mention some of my other maybe delusional thoughts.
I am on stage a lot, and I am afraid of the vocal monitors because I thought there were hidden cameras in them that were being used to spy on me.
I am convinced that there is a conspiracy against me.
Sometimes I think that people can read my minds, and sometimes I think they are being broadcasted for people on radios, TVs, etc.
Up until I was 8-10 or so (and this is for real) I thought that I was an old man put in a young boy’s body.
I wonder if maybe the people near me are being controlled by an outside force, like aliens, or maybe they are being replaced by an outside imposter.
I am pretty sure I’m being followed.
This is something I used to believe, and now I still think may very well be true. I wonder if maybe I am the only conscious person in the world, and every other person in the world is just like a robot and the world is actually there only for me and me only.
when i was younger, I was sometimes afraid of going on the computer because I thought that the website administrators were controlling my computer and had placed built-in guns in my computer, and would shoot me as soon as I went on the computer. Weird.
What do you all think? I think that many of these are true. I still do. Am I delusional for thinking that? It’s like part of me understands that it isn’t true, and part of me is just positive that it is real you know?
Most of those are delusions. Most other people would know those are delusions the second you told them. Some of those delusions are textbook and are shared by many people with schizophrenia.
I think that I’m not a doctor and that you should see someone who is. If you are experiencing psychosis, the earlier you get treatment, the better the outcome will be. Getting diagnosed by anonymous strangers on the Net with no medical background is pretty much the worst thing you can do, being honest.
When I see my doctor they ask me if I’m experiencing some of the symptoms you describe to see how ok /not ok I am.
I’d get myself to a doctor as it’s going to get worse not better.
I also think the same on points 2, 3, 6 and 7. I guess we can’t both be right on point 7
thanks guys. I’ve just wanted to see what you all think because 1) I’m kinda obsessed, and I find it hard to wait till my thursday psychology appointments to help. Is it really worthwhile to see a psychiatrist though? I mean, I wanna be totally sure of what is going on (and any advice helps), before I put myself on strong antipsychotics.
to begin, id like to define some words, myself, and make a few statements. (which by the way I’m thinking in a tad bit paranoid way myself right now).
- delusions_: to me, i often have considered delusions to be “falsified facts”. (what i mean by these words (is harder to explain… in a short length) is that if you can find a way past the meeting point where what is socially/ societally/ or even in terms of yourself, believed to be truth and you have met, than on your way together, you may find yourself in a place where delusions are not generally considered to be false truths, but instead may be considered in more positive ways such as:
- a way to cope with something while attempting to find ways to solving it
- just more facts and sources to work with in the long run…but not the whole pictures)
dictionary definition: “a fixed false belief that is resistant to reason or confrontation with actual fact” -dictionary.com
- beliefs_: beliefs can be reimagined to be… those "delusions"in your mind that are hardwired into you for the time being… those values that keep cropping up and improving each time that they do because they fit your way of things… and they happen to fit with the rest of you and your beliefs that you happen to have built up so far… or maybe they don’t and, to you, have not been disproven yet… (:
dictionary definition: “confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof” -dictionary.com
what you are talking about…
- may be both wrong and right, simultaneously…
- may be sensitivities to particular viewpoints of the situation, and therefor your brain may be trying to use a certain technique to solve a situation… which you may grow out of sooner or later… even though it might come back as an issue until proper growth occurs.
- may be somethings that you have not been the only one to believe…
some ways I’ve managed to deal with these issues in myself a bit:
- using my beliefs to help me to differentiate or work with my delusions
- understanding what those words mean to me personally and what they are that i can see… although i would warn against applying it everywhere during this time…
- ask some questions of others
- have conversations of course and use some other methods such as drawing on paper in what i thought to be a secure place
- experimenting with my “delusions” with my beliefs purposefully, reimagining them to something that is both reality and fantasy, taking a look at the system of beliefs that i currently hold/ keep in my mind, (re)communicating in any way i can to others and myself, integrating my “delusions” and my “beliefs”, than personalizing a way for myself to use what i know to create a positive solution for everyone.
a very short answer of mine to your question might be: these beliefs are only delusional in some ways, not all, they can be likened to symbolism a bit, and these beliefs may have underlying intentions… even shorter: they are both “delusions” and “truth”, depending on how much you see of the viewpoints available to you of them…
i can’t guarantee that my ways of managing will work for you as well.
i also thank you all for reading my post even though currently I’m working on this for a way of finding myself more and all that soul-searching stuff…
by the way, i do not believe that we would be on the world together if we are not supposed to let others help and help others too… therefor, mental health professional can help to a point and you can help them to a point too, in certain ways
Waiting is difficult, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. Those are definitely delusions. Antipsychotics are scary, but they are also worth it. No matter what kind of psychosis you’re experiencing, the earlier you start treatment, the better your prognosis will be. Just be totally honest with your doctor.
He will probably prescribe you something, and he will probably do a much better job explaining how it all works than we can. Tell him how scared you are to try the meds. You’re still a kid, so he should only put you on a very small dose. Medication is seriously the only treatment path if you want to regain total independence. The few people here who manage without meds have a full support system and don’t go to work or school, because they can’t cope.
Thank you for taking the time to write out all that info. When you say they are delusions and truths at the same time… do you say the truths part because part of me understands that they aren’t real and part of me is insistent upon them being true?
I think you are right. I’ll just be honest with them, and I’ll make sure they give me small dosages. Thank you for your advice and help.
i meant that, every lie contains in it an element of the truth and vice versa. so i suppose, yes, i am saying that, and that it isn’t all I’m saying…
what I’m referring to, for example, is that when you say that you think that this girl is using you or plotting against you, i think that if you are asking this question, you may not entirely believe it yourself, and i also could simultaneously suspect that it is true in the sense that unfortunately she may have unconscious, or even conscious, motives, and if they are unconscious motives its because she may think that what she is doing is right or good in some way or because she may not even realize what she is doing, if those are conscious motives, it could also be another way of looking at her thinking in that what she is doing is good or right, or she may not know what to do… or she may believe herself that there is not another way and that this is how reality is… again this is an example… or for instance, i tend to think that friends, even when in such a state as yours can still give some things such as help, as well as take help from me… she also may not understand what you are going through exactly in your eyes, and therefor may be dealing with feelings of not being able to help quite as much as she would like to or be thinking of herself in trying to come up with her own experiences to try to relate to how you are feeling and what you are experiencing… which brings me to the next “belief”/ “delusion” (which are not beliefs or delusions, actually) (or rather they are both), that you are the only conscious being on the planet… you are your only consciousness, as they are their only consciousness… while all of these statements or possibilities of what you may be experiencing, may be symbolic interpretations (a sort of “reading between the lines” of your own experiences), they are always going to be true, but only depending on how they are seen… unless you are placing them in comparison to what are possible potentials of a situation… in which could be said that you will find much more and many more possible potentials than you have been in contact with so far… therefor turning them into “lies”…
my beliefs might just be too incomprehensible and therefor may be a talk for another time, but in the meantime, i’ll say that the beliefs you have cannot be gotten rid of, so even though they may have “missed the bullseye” on “the target” it still managed to go somewhere on the planet earth and therefor is still with in our realm, even if not our reality… so your “beliefs” can be “interpreted”, “modified”, " and used in better ways…
good luck (:
@Jake13 I’ve had similar delusions and then some more. So I have paranoid delusional disorder and take medicine which helps some but not total relief. So I have to work at it myself to challenge the delusions. It doesn’t help that there are similar delusions all over the internet that reinforce some delusions. I’m not sure when I got ill but was diagnosed late in life. I always had an overactive imagination and fears so maybe I always had it but lately it got out of hand. It’s as if I decided to open my mind and then my brain fell out.lol.
I understand what you are saying for sure. I think for me, it really is a belief that people are consciously plotting against me, that I am literally the only conscious person on earth, and everyone else is a robot. See part of me understands (at times) that that is false, but for some reason I have this lingering certainty that it is true, and I avoid situations and people because of it.
I think I have the same thing going on haha
I absolutely support people taking their meds. For the vast majority they are better off. However meds have no effect on me and I am frequently delusional. Despite being in a delusional state I work full time with no problems. I don’t have a support system and can easily cope.
Another point to add is that you don’t need to be a doctor to identify a delusion as such. It is not diagnosing. It helps me when people say my delusions are false.
What is your diagnosis, and how long have you been coping this way? I am glad that you have such an easy time of life, but for 99.9% of us that is not the case. It is unrealistic for the poster to expect to use you as a typical case.
Yes you are absolutely right. I fully agree with you I am not a typical case. I have been working full time for 18 months. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia. My psychiatrist believes that Clozapine will work but I don’t think it will work so haven’t tried it yet. If it did work - I don’t think in my case it is worth the risks because my schizophrenia is mild compared to most other people. Just to be crystal clear I am saying that most people maybe 99.9% will benefit from meds but not everybody. I am an exception. In the worst of my delusional states I just carry on working and am no harm to myself or anyone else.
It might all really be in your head, but it’s just horseshit of course. except that there really is a conspiracy against all of us normal humans.