I haven’t been properly diagnosed yet but ive been given medication to treat schizophrenic symptoms, and I don’t want to take it. I don’t know if it’s me that wants to have it or the other side of me, but sometimes I really feel like I want this and I want more and other times i hate it and wish everything would go away and its like im arguing with myself about it. does anyone feel like this or does anybody know somebody that enjoys it?
I don’t hate it or love it because I’m too depressed to care. Too depressed to like it. I couldn’t imagine being normal. Couldn’t imagine finding joy in this cursed life.
I’m told I am schizophrenic, but there is no test for it. No one can really prove that you have it or don’t. But from what I’ve experienced it certainly isn’t something anyone would want to have.
Schizophrenia would be awesome if it lasted a week or 2 and there were people there to help you through it. it lasts too long though. nobody should have to go through this for a year or more.
I have been told I am too, but ive got the symptoms for a bunch of other disorders so I don’t know. Ofc there are horrible moments and I hate whatever it is tht I have but for some reason I’ll think that I want my symptoms to get worse and I want more of them
this hasn’t been going on for a week or two and some things I experience I can’t cope with and ■■■■ but I still want it to get worse!?
i was fascinated with the subject of madness as a kid. i remember reading a long article on schizophrenia when i was 11 & being fascinated by what i read.
There are aspects/elements of my experiences that i have enjoyed, & a lot that i haven’t. Whatever we go through it is all ‘just’ experience - & whatever the individual goes through - they are still who they are. i’m still who i am.
Fully agree with you, it has like become a part of me. if you dm, what kinda experiences did you enjoy? I haven’t exactly enjoyed any yet and without going into much detail, im always scared, worried, anxious or wanting to kill myself/others and nothing seen or heard has been exactly fun yet I still want more. do you think it’s me thinking I want more or something else?
Sometimes… I think it’s kinda cool being a psychotic, nloodlusting super-villian…
loll was that sarcasm
I’m not really sure, tbh
[quote=“96712, post:8, topic:24341, full:true”]
Fully agree with you, it has like become a part of me. if you dm, what kinda experiences did you enjoy? I haven’t exactly enjoyed any yet and without going into much detail, im always scared, worried, anxious or wanting to kill myself/others and nothing seen or heard has been exactly fun yet I still want more. do you think it’s me thinking I want more or something else?[/quote]
There has been a lot of progress, growth & learning - i refuse to see it all exclusively in terms of an illness or brain disease/condition.
However extreme the states of mind/experiences - that is ‘all’ it is - experience.
i feel that there has been moments of deep insight, deep peace, & experiences of fascinating states of consciousness/mind.
i don’t think the main problem is what people experience - imo it’s the reactions to it all that is far more the problem. It’s the society/system & it’s attitudes & mechanisms around it all that is the bigger problem.
If there was genuine & comprehensive understanding, help & support, i don’t see any of it would be the problem it currently is.
The general social attitudes & reactions/treatments to psychosis/schizophrenia & other mental health areas is largely disgusting.
That’s a pretty backwards philosophy, if you really had this illness you;d realize how bad it sucks. That special feeling it provides fades then you’ll probably regret not getting better help.
Who is your reply to?
The OP 15 characters
since it all got worse, I started to think I like it. I have no reason to like it and I can’t explain it but I still do. not saying I have schizophrenia for sure but ive got the symptoms and my doctors are still unsure
Maybe there’s a self destructive side to you that makes you want it to get worse or maybe you liked part of your experience and want to experience more of the positive things. I went on medication because there was a whole lot more that was bad than good. I couldn’t imagine anybody wanting to experience more schizophrenia unless they knew that they could turn it off at will.
do you think enjoying pain would have anything to do with it? ive self harmed on off for roughly 3 years, I just really want to hurt myself and i want people to hurt me, but at the same time im scared I just don’t get it. I haven’t had any positive experiences that’s what im trying to say. none of this is fun, it can be hell on earth sometimes so why could I want more?
My son started off liking it. His early experiences of psychosis were like uplifting visions and he had some fairly grandiose delusions. However, while he was “high” he took decisions that screwed his future, led to huge stresses and ten years later when the psychosis recurred, it started out quite enjoyable but rapidly became disabling, especially when added to paranoid delusions. Apparently, that’s a fairly normal trajectory for adult onset sz.
If you’ve wanted to hurt yourself for years you may have had people who treated you badly in the past until you grew comfortable with being treated badly. One can become so comfortable with being treated badly that they get uncomfortable when people treat them good. They can even shy away from people who do them good. If that’s you then try to be receptive to goodness if you can although it might seem weird at first.
Ironically, positive experiences may have ruined my present and future life. I had a soulmate and was probably too happy for over a decade. When I lost her and the rest of that life, due to schizophrenia, life never returned to those levels. Now regular life is like a nightmare although its really not that bad when looking at it from the outside. Having those positive experiences was worth it though. I can at least die feeling satisfied that I was able to experience good things.