im completely head over heals with my husband
he is the most loving man i can hope for
he is good for me … im good for him… he’s my forever… my stability… my rock… the most understanding guy … we are in therapy and very much communicating now better than ever
i also love my boyfriend- he’s my here and now, my infatuation… takes care of my dark side, communicating is excellent with him… he’s really solid and a beautiful person
im finding myself amidst all this especially right now lol as i’m in a meditation retreat and
i spent some time away from home in an air bnb in the effort to find some space for myself
i found out the invaluable- that it’s not my husband’s fault that i’m depressive especially when im premenstrual for 2 weeks at a time…. it’s not because of him im miserable im miserable all on my own
and quite crazy
there were lots of reasons really and it’s mostly been worked out by me finding work… i haven’t worked for 3 years and covid didn’t help
i hope it’s okay to say i have trust issues with sexual relationships which i don’t have with my husband … i have had in the past it’s not red flags everywhere causing it… i used to think my ex partner was living a double life because he worked nights
i still have that safety with my husband
but i have trust issues even about the stupid stuff like his name (!)
which dissolve as soon as im rational and talking to the guy because it’s going really well between us
at the same time his son has familial cancer so it’s all pretty gut wrenching and complicated because im still infatuated with all this going on… it was quite a shock to hear and it’s taken me a while to come in to my feelings about it…
my sister is still drinking herself to death and psychotic and im still dealing with food and debting recovery
i really didn’t ask for another polyamory vs monogamous arguing match
i am not complaining
im sharing what’s basic about my life
if you don’t agree with what im doing stay monogamous in your own life and leave me out of it
you have expressed your opinion about non monogamy before
Yes it sounds like you’re using your poor husband for emotional and financial reasons while clinging on to your boyfriend and relying on him for sexual gratification.
Sounds very wrong to me.
Choose one or the other unless your husband and lover are fully on board with this kind of lifestyle.
Theres nothing wrong with getting different needs met by different partners in a poly situation. Thats the beauty of being poly. But i havent seen much of your other posts so idk your situation. But i definitely would caution against relying on someone for stability, though i think it can be beneficial to have a stable partner when youre not so stable yourself. Im poly and my boyfriend is more stable than i am and it can be grounding but i try to find stability within myself, though i fail sometimes. My ex used me for stability and i have codependency issues and allowed it to a certain degree but i was miserable, but she would threaten suicide if i pulled away
my situation is that my husband is asexual and we’ve been together 15 years
it’s been torture on some levels
obviously people on here just feel like judging and i feel bad that i can’t bring my life to this forum without condemnation
i’ve been supported by this forum for 25 years and it saddens me a bit
obviously no way to talk about my life without being slammed here
i don’t want this to be an issue
seems i can’t be poly and schizophrenic
Dude for real. I posted once here about being poly and had an issue and people automatically blamed being poly as the issue and told me it wasnt a good lifestyle. I LOVE being poly especially as someone with a lot of support needs
I think i get where your coming from. Like if I was in your situation where theres 0 sex life in the relationship. Id just go to massage parlours all the time instead lol, of course id talk about it first .
Sex drive can be good but can also be a nuisance too if its not tamed or addressed.
it’s not the first time i’ve been in a polyamorous situation - i had multiple partners as a young adult for several years- but it is also something i plan on continuing well into my old age. i hope my sex drive doesn’t disappear completely… if it does i guess it’s back to happy marriage x
my husband is my everything and i’d just go back to having friends outside marriage
he is autistic as well as asexual so his touch boundaries might always be less needy than mine… but i still love sharing a bed with him every night when he isn’t on nights
Ok, with this post i can definitely see why others are accusing you of using your second partner for sex. You say you love him yet youd leave him if you lost your sex drive? Thats not polyamory, sorry to say, that is a side dude.
the most loving man i can hope for
.