T.W. i will be mentioning polyamory and infidelity In The Same Thread

order of events

  1. i got in a relationship
  2. we got married
  3. cut to 15 happy yet sexless years later
  4. i got the okay to enter into an open relationship in therapy
  5. i cheated
  6. i was open about guy no. 2
  7. i cheated again with guy 3.
  8. 1 week later i was open about my deception and also my contrition and devotion
  9. i continued with a monogamous/ polyamorous marriage
  10. Fell in love with my boyfriend
  11. i was open about all this
  12. continuinued couples therapy
  13. my husband got it
  14. poly guys son got cancer
  15. unrelatedly walked out because i was depressed and perimenopausal
  16. i got depressed on my own as well
  17. sought personal therapy Again
  18. went on retreat and for some reason wanted at least one person on here to get it
  19. moving back in day after tomorrow
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You already know what most people think about your situation. Ultimately, it’s you who has to live with your decisions and choices and it doesn’t really matter what people on here think. You do seem to get a lot of negativity about your situation from people here and I doubt anything you say is going to change that.


i know nick im not trying to change anything

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I don’t understand the question.

there isn’t a question
im clarifying and being above board
im not asking judges for their deliberations
im stating my situation
im not asking for forgiveness justifying myself or asking for understanding from anyone but maybe a couple of jury members and if that is too much to ask im actually not even asking for that

In that case,

I don’t understand your post.

It’s hard to read about someone being used the way your husband is without comment.

I don’t get why you would make a big deal of telling us about it and then not want anyone to say anything.


why do you assume i’m using him?

I get the vibe that youre running away from responsibility. You got snappy and rude when people expressed they didnt approve of what youre doing, yet posting about it a lot and seemingly wanting to prove youre not a bad person or something. But your behavior is frankly toxic and if i was your husband id run the other way. Sorry to say. It sounds like you have a lot of inner work to do about the way tou relate to others


Do you support yourself financially?

mostly i do. yes. what has our financial situation got to do with it

He’s definietly supporting you emotionally, providing stability and probably working.

You’re taking all those things and cheating on him.

That’s using people.


the vibe you got was a reaction to overwhelming lack of support with a lot of misunderstanding

no. i slipped up on two occasions for an evening. and was honest about it

You said you’re seeing someone.

The guy who’s kid has cancer?

when did you decide im toxic

Get your story straight.

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Seriously, it’s as if you want someone here to tell you that you’re not a bad person and that what you did was 0kay.

Based on all the responses you’ve got in the past, that isn’t going to happen.

Don’t want to be judged? Don’t post toxic behavior publicly. This is the Internet, welcome to how it works.


it’s an open relationship
a mixed polyamorous / monogamous relationship
to some people that seems unfair
evidently you’re one of them

That isn’t how polyamory works.

Learn about it before you claim it.

You aren’t poly, you’re cheating

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What you’re doing is using and cheating.

I have no problem with open relationships.