I feel perpetual guilt, I feel unwanted, I feel disliked, fat, ugly, stupid, boring. The list goes on. I just don’t want to go on anymore. It’s painful and frustrating. I am so sick and tired of being frightened and tired. I’m done with fighting to be okay in my own skin. I’m out of time and out of place. Every day I strap on that fake ass smile, exercise, clean, cook, socialize… Everyone sees me as cheerful and fun and silly, but, I am just tired and sad. I cry every moment I am alone. I plan elaborate suicides as if they are the happiest fantasy. I am tired of this facade.
I’m sorry, I just feel like this all the time. I try to hide it, but, it just eats at me.
Youll be alright
That’s your depression talking.
Big hugs. Hope it passes soon. Try to do an activity that’s artistic to transmute that depressive energy
It doesn’t go away, it doesn’t pass it doesn’t fade.
It might take a day a week a month a year you never know. Just take it one day at a time.
It’s been 12 years.
I will pray for you @samples32 God knows your pain. Please don’t take your life. You are very loved by your family and your small children will be devastated. Think about each day as another chance.
I think it’s because your not sticking whole heartedlyto the medication.
When I was on Haldol I laid in bed 15-20 hours a day and day dreamed of easy ways to commit suicide. I never acted on my impulses. If you ever think you’re going to act on your impulses call the crisis line. My brother told me that there was this one guy who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and lived. He said the second he cleared the rail he realized he could solve all the problems in his life, except for the one he had just created for himself by jumping off the bridge. I think you have an unrealistic self image. I don’t think you’re fat, ugly, stupid, or boring. Maybe you could enlist some help cleaning the house. Don’t feel like you have to do it alone. Take some time for yourself. Don’t be afraid to lean on someone. The trick is to love yourself the way you are. One woman told me the key to living for her was to learn to love herself no matter what. There are a lot of really attractive people out there who are total jerks. Anyone would be lucky to have you in their life.
I think you are beautiful @samples32 Your husband is lucky to have such a pretty wife.
If it’s any consolation, yeah I think being an adult just kinda sucks ass.
I take my antidepressants religiously, thank you. Antipsychotics are not for depression or suicidal tendencies.
honestly the only thing that keeps me going is the hope that it’s gonna get better.
No I didn’t mean that, I’ve read like all your posts I’m snowyowl. I’ve known you for a while right? Just a couple months w.o ability or latuda or w.e your on will throw you for a whack for a couple more months down the line. Even at the lower doseges.
I’m sorry, I am just not… here right now.
It’s not med related though. I have woke up feeling this way for 12 years now, every day.
You know that’s it all the depression talking. He’s a lying ■■■■■■■ so don’t listen to him.
You’re not alone with it know that. What’s stopping you from ringing a counselling line? http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html Helps to talk in real time sometimes are a few online that do chat also.
Maybe time to try again with therapy. It’s one of those things as you may not have been ready to talk or deal with it in the past. Although one of my regrets now with therapy is I didn’t start a lot earlier.
If you do need someone to vent to send me a pm. I hope you feel better soon either way.
I vaguely remember you being on the manic bipolar scale at some point since I joined this forum.
Not trying to argue. Just saying keep your chin up and push forward.
Sylvia Plath was many times driven to suicide, and with her husband could be pulling herself away from him
one day, and the next day making him a lemon meringue pie.
Domestic life is not always kosher with women, and they can find endlessness leads to suicide.
I hope you will solace in your own personal strengths.
I don’t dare call a hotline. I don’t need people dragging me off to a mental hospital.
I can’t afford good therapy right now. Things are tight. Thank you dreamscape.