I can’t stop thinking about ways to commit suicide. I keep thinking about how life would be over and that my family would be better off. I even dream this way at night. I don’t know if I am suicidal or not, but I will just be sitting around and wanting to grab a knife and cut. I even think when I am driving that I should just go faster and crash. I’m on my meds and do weekly group/personal therapy. Why do I keep thinking this way? I want it to stop.
Please know that first off… they wouldn’t be better off. They would miss you and mourn you for along time.
I used to think like this… I tried to leave this life… when I woke up in hospital… I saw how hurt my family was.
If it’s like intruding thoughts that just keep popping up over and over… Therapy might help… distraction and thinking of something that might bring you a simple joy like a good nap… a favorite food… small simple things.
Good luck and please let a loved one know that your fighting off some thoughts you don’t want.
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Thats a fundamental mistake. It would devastate your family - I know from personal experience. Don’t just assume they would be better off.
Life will get better.
Get on an anti-depressant, see a doctor quickly - and get back involved in a positive aspect of life.
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How long have you been thinking this way?
Do you have a sustainable life set up?
It’d be stupid to feel suicidal just because you’re living off your parents, but I was in that place once.
Trust me they think about you and your illness more than you know. They’d do anything they had to do to keep you with them.
It’s good you’re resisting these things. Perhaps you just need to learn how to think again. In the absence of good thoughts a lot of bad ones can creep in.
You don’t want to die man. Trust me. It’s all pain and regrets in those last moments. Even worse for those you’ve left behind.
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I don’t know you or your life situation, but I’m sure your family would miss you. All I know is that every person is special and deserves a chance at life. You are special so don’t give up your life.
Lots of people get these thoughts. I’ve looked up the same stuff as you in the past. If you are having difficulty getting the thoughts out of your mind, then talk to someone about them. Make a list of everything good in your life and stick it somewhere that you will see it every day. Try to do something that brings you happiness. Get outside and enjoy the outdoors, even if you just sit there. Studies show that being outdoors helps with depression.
No matter what life throws at you, don’t give up. There are people who love and care about you.
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I’m sorry you feel this way zac,
Its good that you are reaching out on this forum tho, its really good to talk about these things and I hope we can help a bit
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You can survive, I did. I lived once in an auto over two years and had created a list of 21 methods to commit suicide, but I never did and I survived only to fly to another part of the world, where after many years I did take a razor blade and cut my wrist seeing blood flowing, but even then my psych made me to call the emergency number to get help. It is easy and painless to commit suicide with a razor blade, but the life is worth of living in the end. You know we never know when it will be our time to leave this earth to rise to the heavenly kingdom of God, but until then we can try to live our lives and survive as well as we can.
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You want it to stop. Being pushed around by your own mental activity is draining.
I have a few suggestions.
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Mentally prep your attitude and the course of your day by stating you firmly want to stop thinking about ways to commit suicide.
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Discuss with your doctors how you are bombarded with this line of thinking and that you need resources made available to you to stop this activity.
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Read books by neurologists who outline what areas of the brain are activated to prompt you to think this way—nonstop thinking about how you can commit this act, etc., when those areas are dysfunctional. Ask your doctors about the content of these books.
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" Thoughts are not facts." You can confirm this statement.
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I use creative writing as a resource to draw myself away from such patterns of thinking. When too drained to write, I also have Safe Places I go to to reassure myself that I accept myself and do not want to pay attention to any mental activity that says otherwise. These safe places host books or blogs written by individuals who use a warm tone in their writing expressions.
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The US military has around 900 programs directed at prevention of suicide for their service men and women. Online there are outreach programs for everyone. You may want to browse through them and see if you are comfortable with any of them.
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Use this forum when you need to, as others have suggested. You will often receive different replies from others that you find valuable.
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I perceive that suicide attempt is a test of a person’s willingness to live, basically taking a razor blade and cutting one’s wrist and seeing blood flowing to the point in which one’s mental processes start protecting oneself and seeking to save the person in this attempt. I do not think that people who have never done this can really completely understand it.
Suicide is not a solution - it would devastate your loved ones.
Life is precious. Get on antidepressants, find a meaningful hobby or volunteer - you have a lot to offer, I am sure.
After my divorce, I was suicidal - I was in a very dark place - thought that I would feel like this forever.
The truth is that things do get better - you are not going to feel like this forever.
Do things that will improve your situation - getting on the right meds and seeing a therapist is a good place to start
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You may not understand this and its logic. I became suicidal in the beginning of 1999 in America after knowing that my life was spied on, my home was spied on, my privacy was violated severely, and then I decided to start posting confidential national security information knowing that they would go after me as they indeed did. They went after my weakest link who was my US spouse at the time and successfully stole this. Then they used other technologies against me such as that ‘strange telephone call’ that I have written about earlier, but I survived their attacks and still living and kicking.
I’m glad you decided to share your thoughts instead of acting on them. If they are unwanted thoughts and you don’t know why they’re popping into your head, it could be the result of a medication change or a type of OCD that fixates purely on intrusive obsessive thoughts. Some people with that type of OCD have thoughts of pedophilia or murder. It doesn’t mean they’re pedophiles or potential murderers. It just means the brief thoughts that float through everyone’s mind aren’t so brief for them, and therapy can help.
Either way, talking to your doctor will help get the problem under control.
People who talk about suicide do not actually commit it in most cases, it is those people who do not talk who are in danger, I remember how my father often said that he would commit suicide, mostly when he had used some alcohol, but he never did, it was all just talk and after sleeping well in the next morning he was a different person. This suicidal behavior is interesting though, my psych nurse said once that suicide is a very selfish act which it may indeed be and I think that suicidal people just do not care about their own life, because something is missing.
I tend to disagree that folks who talk about it will not go through with it.
I was in isolation. I attempted to each time when I would allow myself to go to the space where I was point zero. I did not talk to anyone or seek anyone.
It creeps. The thoughts to do it. I refrain from going to point zero now.
But reading around and listening to family members who have had a loved one do so, some of them talked about it often and still did it.
For me it helps to read about what neurological functions are dysfunctioning to see what my brain is up to.
I have known at least five persons who commited suicide and this could have been prevented by helping these people, if they had just talked. Often people near suicidal people may observe some behaviors that may indicate suicidal behavior such as meds and alcohol use, but in some cases even the nearest person may not notice anything wrong with a person. I am living in the culture where men do not often express their feelings and they may hide these self-destructing thoughts and intentions.
That’s why folks who set aside time to work in preventative outreach programs receive approving head nods by me. They use their skills wisely. And someone who doesn’t want to talk might open up if they reach out.
I am on a anti-depressant as well as an anti-psychotic. I don’t know what is wrong. I have times where I am okay and feel okay, but then it just comes to me out of nowhere. I am scared sometimes. Even at my part-time work I get that way. Today I kept hearing voices to do this and that and that life would be better without me. I keep thinking about who my kids would live with and so on. What is wrong with me? The meds don’t seem to be helping even though they just raised three of my meds. I wish this would just go away. I want to feel happy. To feel wanted…etc. I just don’t know why these thoughts come into my mind. I will be sitting at dinner and just want to cut myself. I am so sick of this. I am 46 years-old. When will this end? Today at work I was fine and then the voices started out of nowhere. Ugh!!! Thank you all for your feedback. I’ve read all of the responses and it really means a lot to me.
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Your kids need you. Don’t give up. Keep on with the effort. Good to hear from you again.
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I’m 49. I’ve been where you are many times before. I can tell you that things will eventually get better. Eventually if you seek out professional help, they will teach you how to be stronger than your voices and be able to work and live around them. My therapist says eventually they will go away if I learn to go on with my life and pretend they are not there.
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I actually go to group therapy and regular therapy once a week (on Wednesdays). I try to talk about it a bit, but the last time I did the police came and took me to the hospital. How do I talk about my feelings without the paranoia of being put away?