I hate that I’m aware of everything. I hate living. I hate what’s happening to me and I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I don’t want to kill myself because I’m terrified of the after life. I just want to lose my mind completely and have nothing to do with anything! And that way when it is my time to die I won’t have a care in the world because I’d be incapable! I’d rather have something wrong and not know it than be 100% aware of it getting worse and worse every day!!
This makes no sense at all. You should try to get better, not worse.
I don’t want to be better. Because there will ALWAYS be something to bring me back down. When I feel happy, it just gives me more of an opportunity to completely fail and feel way worse than before when ■■■■ goes wrong. I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. Nothing.
Living life crazy is no picnic, it’s extremelly stressful and you go through extreme duress. It’s actually preferable to deal with life’s ■■■■ sane than crazy.
there’s an over glorification of crazy, I don’t know why, that you obviously fell prey to.
It’s not good, has no advantages and it makes your life a living hell.
I sometimes feel the same way. Actually, every day. Sometimes, I just want to give up and have a psychotic, dissociated break from the world. But it gets better with medicine, and there’s certainly no reason to fear the afterlife. I hope that you feel better soon.
I’m terrified of everything… I don’t even want to feel happy. I want to feel nothing, and also, be completely unaware of it. I’m so scared to die and I’m so scared to live. At 17, I wish there was a god I could hate for making me live.
I’m sorry you’re going through such pain. But really, things get better. Some of us are living proof of that.
Please go see a psychiatrist.
I try so so hard to keep in mind that there are many, MANY people worse off than me… I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to even go to a psychiatrist, they’re so expensive and I’ve been very sick (stomach issues) since August and my mom is already in so much debt. I feel like a burden and I just don’t want to deal with it anymore.
Minnii is right, life can get better. Just have hope and faith, that things arent as bad as they seem to be.
Talk to a psychiatrist, s/he can help you turn your life around.
can you get some financial support from gov or other charity? There may be people to help you.
You’re right for not hating God. I don’t know what your spiritual beliefs are, but Revelation 21:3,4 can offer hope.
Besides that, your mom won’t consider seeing a psychiatrist a burden if she knows the way you’re feeling.
We’ve already tried. The money my mom and her husband make is just barely over the yearly income of getting help with the government. It’s so messed up… I try so hard to be a peaceful person but when this happens to me I feel like I’m not in control of myself or my thoughts or anything. It’s not me. I try to fight it so much and I just don’t want to anymore
i know my mom won’t look at it that way, but I will. And nothing will shake that when she already owes Sanford so much money and is already being taken to court for it… I can’t put that kind of stress on her. More than I already do. And plus, she’s already still paying off 2 mental hospital visits from when I was in middle school. All I do is cause money issues for her. Whether she looks at it that way or not.
What do you think has the greatest effect on our consciousness?
Our genes? Our circumstances?
Our attitude and perception?
If you think happy, you’ll feel happy. There’s obviously many factors at play, but, if you refuse to see a psychiatrist, you’ll have to change your perception or you won’t be happy.
All I’m seeing here is negative, negative, negative.
I really hope this is temporary for you.
Your mom love you. She would do everything for you. You need to get better then she will be happy.
Maaaan you don’t even know. I went for idk like a month and I felt so happy!! I felt free and beautiful and just so positive about everything… But when I get this way I 100% feel like I’m not in control. I know I need to see somebody… Its a big step though. For anybody, with or without financial issues… But when I already feel like a huge burden on my mom I’m just scared to tell her anything that’s going on with me because I know she will instantly bring me where I need to go. But I can’t take that feeling of knowing it’s because of me that she owes all this money to everyone and everything under the sun…
You’d be more of a burden and a hearbreak to your mom if you completely lost your mind…
Yeah man I feel you. This mental stuff really holds us back. I hate taking the pills, but it’s what I’ve got to do. If it helps you, I hope you do the same. How’s your lifestyle now? Feeling the rays of the sun, exercising? This society really underestimates the power of natural remedies.
I try to hangout outside a lot… I don’t excersize and I’m very secluded, by my own doing I guess… I’m not in school and I don’t have a job. I do nothing with my life… I don’t clean my room I hardly wash myself. I just exist. And I can’t help it… I know I need help. And I came here in the first place because I know that. Hoping I could get the push I need. Easier talking to strangers.
Why Don’t u apply for SSDI…in case if ur eligible…