Feeling Like I Can't Live, Anymore

The world is just the wrong place to be. I feel so overwhelmed, and I don’t feel safe anywhere.

2 Likes

Seek help and push your way through. I have had those feelings many many times in my life and they subside. I hope you will talk with someone who can help you. Life is such crap sometimes but not all the time. Stay with it :heartpulse:

3 Likes

Dear Bunny, I hope you feel better really soon.

2 Likes

I’m guessing you are tense and being tense is painful. How about a hot shower or soak in the tub?

please call for help. You are in a dangerous set of mind.

Yeah those are the days I just sit in the shower for over an hour.

It will pass, @Bunny, promise. Really sucks right now, but it will pass.

3 Likes

@Turnip @chordy
I spent most of this last week either in bed or in the tub.

Pretend you dont have a problem for one day.worked a littil for me… give it a try…:ok_hand:

1 Like

I wish in were that simple.
This more than just a feeling, it is reality. Every has been awful for the past several months and only getting progressively worse. No where is a safe place, in entire universe and everything is wrong. My apologies, for ventilating on here, but I see no light at the end of this metaphorical tunnel.

Get help. I don’t know where you live but the USA has a national suicide hotline. Go see your pdoc if you can and get on some different meds.

I live in Canada. I’ve called the hotline here before, not knowing that they trace your call, an these people came and hospitalized me. I don’t want to go through that again… :disappointed_relieved: Also, I’m not currently seeing a doctor or taking any meds. I stopped all that, because it wasn’t working for me, and it was all way too scary. Made no sense, and they just wanted to control me.
You don’t have to worry about me doing anything. I’m just stuck living in this world
and it’s awful.

I’m glad it’s not just me who substitutes bed for bath. I really hope you find some relief from your anguish soon. Just keep reminding yourself that the future has infinite potential; what you think of today as forever, tomorrow might be nothing more than history. Hang in there!

1 Like

No need to apologize! I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with so much. I remember when I had to leave my abusive husband with our four month old baby. My parents took us in, but the divorce was so horrible! There was constant stress, no money, threats from my ex, and it took over two years to finalize the divorce because we had to battle over custody. I thought it would never end. The following years weren’t a walk in the park either, bug I made it. My life is pretty good now…and life always has ups and downs. When you’re in a dark time, take inventory and make sure your perceptions are sound. And always always ask for help. I wish you well @Bunny :heart:

Hi Bunny i hope you feel better… :frowning:

1 Like

That sounds awful, I’m glad you made it through. I know how tough divorces can be.

Long rant time: My brother is right now going through the same thing, and it is literally tearing my family apart. People are choosing sides, trying to hurt eachother, fighting, playing dirty games, and not one person seems to care about the four kids. My brother is acting out, doing G, dating someone just out of highschool, and acting crazy, yet trying to get custody of his kids.
I’m doing terrible right now and don’t want to have to listen to all of this all the time (I rent a room in his basement). When I go to my mom’s house its all she talks about, and she says the most awful and hurtful things. She is also always wanting me to bike over to her house everytime she has to go somewhere so I can babysit my big sister – who is waiting to get into rehab-- and make sure she doesn’t do drugs or anything crazy.
On top of this I am struggling with trying to lose weight, without starving myself and eating a minimum of 1200 calories a day is really hard and I am freaking the ■■■■ out, especially since the scale has not budged in months. I have to be a bridesmaid for my other brother’s wedding in September and recently had the worst weekend having to try on dresses that I’m busting out of and being around all these peppy, pretty and thin bridesmaids judging me with their eyes. All my brother’s fiancé talked about was how much she despised my brother (the one I live with, not the one she’s marrying) and about the recent explosion of comment drama on Facebook with his 19yr old girlfriend. Now she is in the hospital after being put on effexor which is actually the worst medication for her because she is bipolar and I’m extremely worried and have not yet heard anything.
I’m having the most difficult time with the people in my head not being there when I need them and harassing me at the worst times. Been having panic attacks like crazy, and being too depressed to do much more than lie in bed or sit in the tub. Been trying to get a job since last summer, and I am having a hard time actually getting myself out of the house to apply, go to interviews and meetings with my employabilities social worker. It’s too overwhelming…
It’s hard for me to leave the house when I’m anxious and paranoid about chemtrails, phone towers and cameras everywhere I go. Worried about this microchip in my head and how it is effected when I go outside. Thinking too much about chemicals and poisons in food, products, etc… Pollution, plastic filled oceans, animal cruelty, the atmosphere, mind control, cell phones and Facebook being people’s new reality… It’s a too much and I am losing my head trying not to get crazy again. Haven’t had a break, having to be out in meetings, interviews, appointments, or babysitting my sister. I just want one ■■■■■■■ day at home, this week, where I can lie in bed and not have to go anywhere or be bothered by anyone. I just can’t take life, right now. I am getting nowhere and everything and everyone is eating me up and I can’t breathe. I ended up ranting to my brother’s fiance, thss weekend about since I havn’t had a therapist of pdoc in so long. I ended up telling her things I never wanted anyone to know. About my friends that only I can see, about monsters and demons and my ability to know things and how I have been struggling, lately. She ended up laughing at me and not tking me seriously. This is literally just the tip of the monstrosity of an iceberg, but this reply is already too long to explain more.
Do you see my problem…?

I see a lot of problems. One is that 1200 calories a day is an unrealistic and drastic calorie cut. I have struggled with an eating disorder since I was 19, so for 30 years, and I’m worried that you’re pushing yourself too hard. Another thing that worries me is how much stress and turmoil is around you. One of the greatest things I’ve learned, as an unmedicated person with sz, is how to say no to people who ask too much of me. Self preservation may appear selfish at times, but making sure I’m OK is good for everyone around me. My life has some stress because that’s part of being alive, but I have had to be selfish and not involve myself in other people’s drama because it makes the noise louder and puts me at risk. It’s not OK for anyone to put me at risk, and I don’t allow it anymore.
I relate to you, @Bunny, even in regards to meds. I will not take meds because they’ll control my mind and I won’t be myself anymore. But there are tradeoffs that must be respected. I can not have undue stress, I can not involve myself in anyone else’s drama ( and I have a sister who has BPD and is a drug addict/alcoholic who reaches out to me constantly and I’ve had to cut her out of my life) , and I can not be pressured to meet anyone’s criteria. It’s taken many years to work this all out and accept a less involved lifestyle, and it’s crucial. Without other, sometimes drastic, coping mechanisms, I would need to consider medication. If you continue to live such a high stress, high pressure life, you may need to consider getting on meds.

Yes, too many problems… I want to disappear, it seems stress and negativity seeks me out.
1200 calories is an improvement for me. I’ve had an eating disorder for the past 12 years, and I would eat no more than 600-700 a day. I’m trying to be healthier, and to me 1200 is a good amount to lose weight, since I have such a low BMR right now, anyways.
There is awlays stress and turmoil, it is never we ending. I don’t have any friends, just family, and with them this ■■■■ is constant. But if I don’t have my family, I literally have no one.
People dont understand. If I attempt any form of self preservation I am the most selfish being and everyone hates me for it.
I can’t be on meds. In my experience they either make me too crazy to function, or too brain dead to function. I also cannot bring myself to take something that changes my brain and makes me worse.
I feel like i’m stuck. Stuck in this awful world till I die.

I’m sorry @Bunny that your family doesn’t seem to understand. Sometimes you have to make people care by caring for yourself first. If someone in your own family, or anyone, would hate you for taking care of yourself then they need to be deleted from your life. I have a large and what previously felt like a powerful family, but as I’ve gotten older and only allowed no drama people in my life I’ve come to see how weak and petty some of my family members are and cutting certain ones out has saved me. I have demons and angels and creatures to deal with and manage. I don’t have time for other people’s messes… I might sound cold, and the truth is I would do anything for my husband and my son, but, even with my son’s sz, they don’t carry drama around and they don’t ask more of me than what I can handle. Anyway, I feel for you. I think you are going to have to come up with a solution and save yourself. Once you set your mind to it, solutions can be found, even if it takes awhile. I wish you well :heart:

1 Like

Oh well snap. That’s no good. I can see how it might be good for some people but I can really see how it would suck big time. I wonder how many people haven’t called because of that.

Never give up @Bunny

1 Like