I don’t quite know why, I’m on the edge. I’ve had two weeks rest but been ill part of it, every time I try to drown myself in alcohol, they use the implant to stroke me with vomiting and severe vertigo to the point I couldn’t sit up. For three days I had to lay immobile, couldn’t eat, or drink to keep much down, even pills. I had to listen to their conversations, shouts and accusations but also tuning into satellites, my thoughts leaving for the world to know. I know you all know the truth but I trust you won’t go to officials as some of you have been where I am. I haven’t recovered, I have to go back to college , no reason for me to be stressed as have had two weeks off. It gets to the point I can’t keep track of time or date, despite repeatedly looking at the date on our planner on the fridge, sometimes forget who I am, because I’m trying to block my thoughts from escaping.
I’m exhausted, feel like I’m in some psychic battle, am sure they’re injecting me in my sleep as am so exhausted despite having slept enough. I know I have to study but none of it saty in. I got my lowest mark ever on my last assignment. Because I was too scared in the house to focus on my work incase they came, sat poised with a knife next to me, listening to voices. My head bounces. Ideas flow through, I’m wondering if advancing to telepathy too now, I don’t know where they’re comin from. The dimensions are back after a long time of staying quiet.
I’m terrified, I’m going to lose everything, I think they’re trying to wipe my head to use me as a channel to get to other people. I’m dying. Not well. I know I’ve replied to other threads, they took me forever to write, even this is hard, I tried doing the gratitude thread, but a few hours later I’m just suicidal, by this time of they day I’m exhausted which is why they’re drugging me. They’re up to many things. I can’t keep up with my head.
I don’t know what I want anymore, I’m failing at everything, I don’t understand anything, I don’t know how t get help. I can’t trust the new doc, I beg he’s in on all This, I’ve become exhausted since seeing him. Something terrible is going to happen.
I don’t know if I’ll make it to summer alive for the med change at this rate,
I’m hidden and sly, maybe I’ll die, it’s how I feel. I feel like I’ve tried everything and I’m going down under. I don’t know why I bother.
Sorry, I’m pathetic.