Schizophrenia.com

I want to disappear

Because dying is a too harsh word.
No one really wants to die…we only want to
take away the pain.
I’m thinking about Kurt Cobain…Ian Curtis…it is so unreal, that state of mind. You can be smiling to a room full of people who smile back to you but you still cry from inside and just want to disappear.
No matter how gently they look at you…everyone’s touch has a rough edges and it hurts, hurts.

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I think you’re doing really well, keep fighting the fight.

What I really want…if I had a power… I would die and leave my second self for my kid to not cry.

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You sound like you’re going through a rough patch. Did something external happen? It might just be the darker evenings too. Don’t pay attention to rough patches, they pass.

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I know what you’re talking about because I often feel the same way. When I am among people I want to sink through the floor.

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I understand that so well. I could never figure out how to do it, so I just had to keep living, thank god.

Sara, sweetheart. Can you nap? Take a walk by yourself? Find some place quiet and safe until this blows through you?

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. It’s going to pass, and you’re going to be able to get up and smile and laugh and make dinner for Luka and hear about his day. In the meantime, it’s okay to cry.

I don’t know if your boyfriend is any good for this, but what I always wanted was someone to guide me to the bed, curl up around me and hold me while I cry. Brush my hair out of my face to keep it from getting too wet and snotty :smile_cat: Let me cry until I fell asleep.

This feeling is going to pass. This feeling is going to pass. You’re smart and kind and loving and would leave a giant hole in the world if you left. Luka loves you. Luka loves you. Luka loves you. You are his beautiful, beautiful mother. You are going to be okay. You are going to be okay. We love you and are so happy to know you. We want you here. You are going to be okay. It’s okay to cry.

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As a single mom, my love for my son and knowing he needed me kept me here. Now my son is 21 and out in the world. He called me the other day crying about something and needing my support. It made me realize that I can never take his mom away from him. So, I need to find escape/rest/peace another way. Quiet time with music, walks, painting… Sarad, what a lovely sensitive soul you must be. It’s ok to take breaks but don’t leave.

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Please don’t hurt yourself @Sarad we love you and need you.

I felt that way yesterday but feel better today. I know your pain Sarad. Could notice we’ve both not been ourselves lately

I’m a coward, I could never do that…besides, I know how much is important to have at least a mother’s presence… Tnx jukebox and all…
@Hedgehog, emotional support is one thing…but what about financial? Where I live, one cannot success just like that - parents usually have to step in.
I hate myself because he saw me crying today and called my boyfriend. Later when we talked with his nanny on the Skype, he told her too. God!

It is important that kids see their parents cry. Especially boys. It shows them it is okay to feel upset sometimes, and that it happens to everyone. Some parents try so hard to never show emotion in front of their kids and they end up raising kids who bottle up their emotions until they drown in them. You are a good mother, and even when you think you’re failing you’re still teaching him a lot about how people and the world work.

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sorry you are feeling like that. :heart:
hamster :hamster: hug.
if i win lotto you are on my list :moneybag:
take care :alien:

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Thanks :purple_heart:
If I marry a millionaire, I’ll buy you the newest space ship!

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:heart: cool :heart:
take care :alien:

Hang in there

151515

Deal! :sunglasses:

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Uh…don’t even ask…
But thanks… I will, there is no other options yet.

Deal. :sunglasses::heart:
take care :alien:

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Deal deal deal Sarad is throwing out a lot of promises, might need a billionaire if I’m gonna get my island and darksith his spaceship too :sun_with_face:

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I dream big lol
Or.

Work hard, play hard :joy:

Tnx for a good laugh!