What keeps you on surface?

Here’s a little something I have on my mind.

Yesterday, a woman died when she tried to push her kid off the rails and not being hit by a train. Her kid survived, one of four daughters she had. Poor gypsy family, do I have to say. Now people are all like " may god bless her children. May God help them. May she rest in heaven".

That’s such a bitter irony. I mean, what are you talking about? What stupid poor sense are people trying to make out of it?
There is no blessing, no sense, no help.

But what keeps you alive, what keeps you going when you hit the rock bottom?

A stupid hope that its going to change out of nowhere? A miracle, a blessing?

Maybe I sound too much like pansdisease here. I feel so bad. :neutral_face:


I’m sorry Sara. I don’t know what’s going on in your mind or in your life but i will be sending genuine, non-fake hugs your way.

What keeps me alive is my insatiable curiosity about the nature of reality and the universe.

There was a story i read about evil the other day that i found very insightful.

[details=The way the world works]When you awaken, when you understand, when you see, the world becomes right. We’re always bothered by the problem of evil. There’s a powerful story about a little boy walking along the bank of a river. He sees a crocodile who is trapped in a net. The crocodile says, “Would you have pity on me and release me? I may look ugly, but it isn’t my fault, you know. I was made this way. But whatever my external appearance, I have a mother’s heart. I came this morning in search of food for my young ones and got caught in this trap!”

So the boy says, “Ah, if I were to help you out of that trap, you’d grab me and kill me.”

The crocodile asks, “Do you think I would do that to my benefactor and liberator?”

So the boy is persuaded to take the net off and the crocodile grabs him.

As he is being forced between the jaws of the crocodile, he says, “So this is what I get for my good actions.” And the crocodile says, “Well, don’t take it personally, son, this is the way the world is, this is the law of life.”

The boy disputes this, so the crocodile says, “Do you want to ask someone if it isn’t so?”

The boy sees a bird sitting on a branch and says, “Bird, is what the crocodile says right?” The bird says, “The crocodile is right. Look at me. I was coming home one day with food for my fledglings. Imagine my horror to see a snake crawling up the tree, making straight for my nest. I was totally helpless. It kept devouring my young ones, one after the other. I kept screaming and shouting, but it was useless. The crocodile is right, this is the law of life, this is the way the world is.”

“See,” says the crocodile. But the boy says, “Let me ask someone else.” So the crocodile says, “Well, all right, go ahead.”

There was an old donkey passing by on the bank of the river. “Donkey,” says the boy, “this is what the crocodile says. Is the crocodile right?”

The donkey says, “The crocodile is quite right. Look at me. I’ve worked and slaved for my master all my life and he barely gave me enough to eat. Now that I’m old and useless, he has turned me loose, and here I am wandering in the jungle, waiting for some wild beast to pounce on me and put an end to my life. The crocodile is right, this is the law of life, this is the way the world is.”

“See,” says the crocodile. “Let’s go!”

The boy says, “Give me one more chance, one last chance. Let me ask one other being. Remember how good I was to you?” So the crocodile says, “All right, your last chance.”

The boy sees a rabbit passing by, and he says, “Rabbit, is the crocodile right?”

The rabbit sits on his haunches and says to the crocodile, "Did you say that to that boy? The crocodile says, “Yes, I did.” “Wait a minute,” says the rabbit. “We’ve got to discuss this.” “Yes,” says the crocodile. But the rabbit says, “How can we discuss it when you’ve got that boy in your mouth? Release him; he’s got to take part in the discussion, too.” The crocodile says, “You’re a clever one, you are. The moment I release him, he’ll run away.” The rabbit says, “I thought you had more sense than that. If he attempted to run away, one slash of your tail would kill him.”

“Fair enough,” says the crocodile, and he released the boy. The moment the boy is released, the rabbit says, “Run!” And the boy runs and escapes. Then the rabbit says to the boy, “Don’t you enjoy crocodile flesh? Wouldn’t the people in your village like a good meal? You didn’t really release that crocodile; most of his body is still caught in that net. Why don’t you go to the village and bring everybody and have a banquet.”

That’s exactly what the boy does. He goes to the village and calls all the men folk. They come with their axes and staves and spears and kill the crocodile. The boy’s dog comes, too, and when the dog sees the rabbit, he gives chase, catches hold of the rabbit, and throttles him. The boy comes on the scene too late, and as he watches the rabbit die, he says, “The crocodile was right, this is the way the world is, this is the law of life.”

There is no explanation you can give that would explain away all the sufferings and evil and torture and destruction and hunger in the world! You’ll never explain it. You can try gamely with your formulas, religious and otherwise, but you’ll never explain it. Because life is a mystery, which means your thinking mind cannot make sense out of it. For that you’ve got to wake up and then you’ll suddenly realize that reality is not problematic, you are the problem.[/details]

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You’re miles ahead of your peers in my book…beautiful…highly intelligent…you’re still so young.

Your day will come to shine under the Sun!! :sunny:

Of this I’m sure!!


What you write here is one of my beefs against Christianity. Nothing good comes out of it when horrible things happen, and horrible things happen more often than we would like to admit. When I was in the army this guy I knew was in a car wreck and got third degree burns over eighty per cent of his body, and lived. What possible good could come out of that? Or how about someone dying the slow and painful death of cancer? Cliché about God not giving us more than we can handle don’t do it for me.


I had no magic tricks or anything I could say to myself that would bring me hope when I was at my lowest. I just endured and my family helped me. I’m only human and I did my best to live through it.

I made many mistakes during my serious 1988 relapse. For one thing, I was in the middle of a serious crack addiction. Maybe we’re talking about the human spirit, the instinct for survival, the resilience of average people which we may not really be conscious of at the time. Or tenacity.

My relapse was not pretty but things ended up getting much, much better. Unbelievably better. Things do change out of nowhere, miracles happen, and a blessing never hurt either. Some things you just cannot control. People go through horrific stuff. It’s OK to be a little depressed about it or be a little cynical about life as you well know. When I was at my worst, I got a few breaks. During my suffering little bits of relief were a godsend. I didn’t give up.

All I can advise is that when you’re going through bad times, try your very, very damnest to not make your situation worse.


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Very sweetly written…

Allow me to add…

A contract with the Universe…your family…but most of all with yourself. To try to live every day with a sense of purpose, towards the goal of personal achievement, to find inner peace and satisfaction.


Dancing - - - -

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Thank you all… I read this thread last night but felt too bad to respond…and I just kept thinking how wise you are people and thoughtful and how it must be that suffering actually sharpens your thoughts and clears up your approach to life and your view on things. Its like you get on one side what you lost on other.

@nomad are you sure you are 19? You talk like Gandalf sometimes (:

That’s is beautiful …but i feel empty inside. If there isnt this kid here I don’t know… I don’t know what would happen with me.

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Haha. I don’t try to. I don’t buy the idea of Wise Beings anyway. :sunglasses:

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Wow that’s definitely a new way to look at it :smile:
I will try.

My faith in some kinda higher power, my family, and I figure to myself “Hey why not stick around for the ride?”

Have you ever heard the stand up comedian Bill Hicks? He had a lot of funny things to say about life and he had this one skit comparing life to a rollercoaster ride.

I’ll post it if I can find it.

Also, I recommmend the John Prine song “That’s The Way The World Goes Round.”


The thing that kept me going was the burning rage at all the people who called me a lost cause. I thought, I’ll show them! I’ll be more amazing than they could ever hope to be! Then we’ll see who’s a lost cause!

Also, I had a friend who was studying psych, and she told me, “Hey, listen, I think you’re developing schizophrenia. You’re about the right age for it. You should go get that checked out.” She was a smart cookie!


patch of blue,

good to see you.
I would just add, trans continental or anything you call it
was built to go through and around the landscape,
but yet to escape the human on foot or car.

Like you told me once, it will pass.

What keeps me on the surface usually is the thought that my mental illness doesn’t define me, but if it wasn’t for it I wouldn’t be who I am. Accepting myself with all my flaws and qualities is the hardest thing, but keeps me distracted from the evil with the world. That cliché of changing ourselves before trying to change the world helps me a lot.

Good luck Sara. Get back to a psychiatrist.

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Thanks minnii. The thing is, I don’t like who I am, I don’t like who I became. And I don’t know how to restore myself.

You’re still very young, you have plenty of time to get out of your habits. Try something small. Think twice before doing/saying. Sounds easy but it’s not. I struggle a lot with this too.

Its like, I was that kid with a bright future and the best grades, I always thought it’s going to be easy because “I have it all”… I grew up under the glass bell…everything I thought about world turned out to be too simplistic and wrong. My parents didn’t give me the instruments to go out there by myself.
Than this illness…my moods…my addictions… I’m like a broken toy.

Jesus this was so negative. Sorry :pensive:

I just feel like ranting.
Anyways…I love you people. :blue_heart: