I have problems trusting men

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I just feel too insecure with men when it comes to sex or romance. It wouldn’t be such a problem if mental health and eating disorders didn’t exist.but they do and I need to care for my health. My health comes before a romantic relationship with men. Even non sexual romantic relationship with a man, I’d fear I’m not fulfillung enough compared to some woman. I just always dissociate.

There is this guy who I’ve been speaking to.

I was very clear to him about my insecurities and that I’m not looking for a soulmate.

I don’t know I may give it a chance. Maybe I should tell him I don’t nevecesarily want sex. That would be interesting. See if he is still interested.

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It’s something it seems we’ve both worked on overcoming. Maybe that shows promise, I hope so.

I know the guilt is real.

4th step was a pain. Lol

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did you know the word romance comes from Rome? Histories, papyros, tales, so it does not mean anything at all. love is obsession for possession. freedom and truth. that is the way. that is the game i play.

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@Speedy is correct.
You can’t just turn gay.

You are either gay or bisexual or you are not.

Try not to jump into a physical relationship right away.

This could help your situation more.

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I do not blame you at all, and I am man. Men are frustrating creatures. I have trouble with any sort of emotional intimacy with my brother and father because they were emotionally abusive my whole life. And they wonder why I actively isolate myself from them. Also had male friend basically violate my boundaries and touch my inner thigh when I was young. Men can be awful. That, and toxic masculinity is one of the reasons my emotions have been so repressed my whole life. There is a part of me that hates men.

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What was the fourth step?

Congratulations to you and @anon82948922 for sobering. It is not an easy journey probably but well worth it I guess

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I mean on rare occasions in the past I have had some kind of attraction, I don’t know what that is, but I’m thinking of exploring it in the future.

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Alcoholics Anonymous 4th step of 12.

It involves taking inventory of all your slights and making amends to people you’ve hurt in the past. Takes a lot of honesty with yourself, faults and all.

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Fourth step is a very involved personal inventory. Step five is sharing this inventory with a trusted individual (a.k.a. confessing). Helps to unburden oneself and begin to unpack one’s baggage.

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I’m so sorry to hear about your past bad experiences. I hope you’re managing OK now.

I think some women can have bad traits
etc. Too not just men.

But I just feel less worry and pain with women romantically, idk why…

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Do you think you could be bisexual @Zoe?

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Yes I think I might be, at least biromantic if not bisexual.

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This 12 step program sounds extremely good.
And
@Ooorgle

Glad it exists.

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Thanks that’s sweet of you.

I’m sure you will too!

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The thing with men is that even if the guy has no intention of leaving me, the fact that he may simply desire another woman makes me stressed.

Whereas with a woman, if she desires another woman or man, but wants to stay with me, I don’t necessarily feel stressed. Idk.

It’s like I feel less possessive with women.

And it is not healthy to be too possessive…

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You shall know a word by the company it keeps — J. R. Firth

Know them well before trusting them,

Some times I do think a bit extra by the choice of words people use,

you will exactly know what is the background.

But yeah its difficult with the condition. IMO

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I think you obsess about your insecurites waaay too much,

Instead of trying to treat and/or minimize them.

You seem like you would be an incredibly jealous partner and that’s not attractive or healthy.

Work on yourself and stop worrying about dating for a while.

Read those self help books, get into therapy, start doing affirmations.

Something, anything.

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This guy I’ve been speaking to recently. I might give us a chance but idk if i should because I feel it might not work out. But it might

I’ll just try not to give a fucc if he is not interested in me as a person on our first date

Someone once told me to seize the opportunity and do what YOU want not what he wants that way you’ll not ever feel used! So yea, no sex for now and be my crazy self. See if he still wants to know me hahaha…

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Because what HE wants to do is his business don’t become a string puppet for someone.

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I think your problem is that you are trying to control things you can never control, like whether or not a man develops an attraction for someone else. Maybe let go of trying to control the situation and trust that things will work out the way they’re supposed to. You don’t want someone who doesn’t want to be with you. but you’ll never meet the right person unless you put yourself out there. I think faith has a big role in all of this. Surrendering control to a larger force, whatever that might be, can kind of take the stress off. Life takes care of life, seek and ye shall find. But you have to seek first to find. What you’re looking for is looking for you

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