I feel like I’ve been robbed. I had a psychotic episode which was very positive and uplifting through which I was receiving very spiritual (religious) messages. I experienced euphoria and intense feelings of love. I wasn’t hurting myself and had no intention of hurting anybody else. I believed I was having a spiritual awakening. The messages were meaningful to me. Then I was sanctioned, locked up, had my rights taken from me and was forced to take medication.
I want my spiritual experience back. I believe I was growing during that time and now it has stopped. It doesn’t feel fair. I’m not an animal.
It would have gone south pretty fast. Your experience could have led you to thinking you could fly and could jump off a building. These things always go south. You were lucky that you were hospitalised.
I’ve had euphoric psychoses and whilst they were the most elated I’ve ever been, they did go south and I was a danger to myself and could have gotten worse and been a danger to others.
Agreed you could have thought you could fly and been in danger. Also who is to say that after time you could have perceived others as evil and harmed them.
The comedown sucks but you are safer now don’t you think?
Thank you. I’m new to all of this and very inexperienced with psychosis. I couldn’t imagine it going south, which is why hearing it from others is important. Thank you.
Thanks, yes I’m definitely safer now. I can’t imagine myself hurting anyone, but that’s now I’m medicated I guess. I just don’t understand why others can have spiritual experiences and mine was cut short. I’m trying to be rational about it but just don’t feel right about it today
I had psychosis for almost three years, at first it was great, very similar to yours, I was on top of the world with “knowledge” from the secrets of the universe, I was God, it was great. Then I started becoming dysphoric, and thinking everyone wanted me dead. I began to talk a lot about suicide, and was hospitalized.
If I haven’t been hospitalized I wouldn’t be here right now, well and sane. It’s possible to live a great life with this illness, if you want to. No need to recieve special messages to be happy, believe me, once you’re well recieving messages will become a pain.
Good luck with your recovery, I think you’ll be able to let go of this feeling of incompleteness.
Thanks Minnii. I do want to learn to live with this illness. I think I’ve got a lot to learn though, I’m definitely out of sorts today. I had another ‘vision’ on Friday and it’s brought back some of the experience. I can’t help but want more. I miss the visions and the wonder of what was going on. 3 years is a long time to live with a psychosis, may I ask how long it took to recover from the hallucinations/delusions if that’s an appropriate thing to ask? My own psychosis only went for a few short months but I feel like it ran over my life in just that time.
I know the feeling all too well. Psychosis and the aftermat changed me completely.
It took about a year and a half, almost two years, to become asymptomatic. I have other comorbid disorders to fill my head with though… I haven’t seen a shadow in two years, and haven’t heard a voice in a few months. Delusions gone since february this year.
That’s great news, yay for you
I like the term ‘asymptomatic’. Here’s hoping I get there too some day…
Work with your pdoc to find the best meds, get a therapist (it’s very important to learn coping mechanisms) when you’re ready for it.
The way I see it, as long as you’re not forgetting to pay the rent, you have a right to your happiness. As long as you don’t trouble other people there is no need for your doctor to hospitalize you. Who’s he or she to dispute your vision of reality?
Who’s he or she to dispute your vision of reality?
A trained psychiatrist?
Edit: I’d be dead if people hadn’t questioned my vision of reality.
What typically happens, did for me, having the best year of your life,
feeling like you are cured, don’t need meds, going off of them,
and a month or two later, the worst year of your life.
During psychosis, the spiritual thing can turn,
and you start thinking you need to be a martyr.
If my wife had me locked up every time I had a delusion. I would never leave the hospital. Ppl get scared by my delusions so I have learned not to speak of them except with ppl who understand and not overreact
You’re right. I misspoke.
Yea at times I think its like we get free drugs in our brain.
BUT like everyone said it can suddenly turn into a very bad LSD trip, where you can hurt yourself or others and not even know what you’re doing.
I try to hide if I feel psycho. So stay out of public and you may not be sanctioned.
If you start ranting and raving in public there is a very real chance you could be shot by police as just happened recently, so watch out. If its getting out of control, a hospital is just a place to regain control.
Holy f*ck me too.
Exact same experience.
I used to know God, now i just take medication.
Even if it wasn’t real, it meant something to me. I made it real through my experience within it and i miss it every single day.
It’s impossible to want to recover when you miss being sick.
It’s all I’ll ever want. Just to go back to that place. Just to know god again.
The problem is that the spiritual experiences were dellusions and/or hallucinations.
I miss being sick because I talked a lot. But being sick causes more damage to the brain, so I prefer to take my meds correctly and accept the disease.
Your description actually really pisses me off, I got the raw end of the deal as my psychosis is a living hell to me. Even on high doses of medication I still have symptoms.
I don’t think there’s anything pleasant about psychosis. It feels like your brain having an electrical storm or a brown out. ■■■■■■■ aweful