We recently had a snow day. School called my husband at 5 am saying there was no school. He got up to tell his daughter and came back into our room and exclaimed, “there’s a dude in M’s bed!” I thought it was an intruder so I started to get ready to call 911.
My husband went back to her room and said harshly “Hey! What are you doing in my house?!” The guy said I thought it was cool. My husband was asking all kinds of questions. My stepdaughter is in 8th grade and he’s a tenth grader from the high school. He told the kid he’s lucky he didn’t pulverize him. He could see it was a teen and not an intruder.
When they got out of the bed, M was only wearing a sweatshirt and underwear. He had sweats on. It was so shocking! I can’t believe in 8th grade she did this! This is crazy!
13 -14 is a bad age for girls. Maybe you should think about getting her on birth control. I know that sounds like you’re giving in, but girls that age are awfully headstrong. Better safe than sorry.
@LilyoftheValley my mom got pregnant with me a week after turning 14, so it may not be a bad idea. I told my mom I’d come to her before ever having sex, well, I didn’t. Now john and I did date 9 months before our first time, but I as 15 and he was 16.5/17 I can’t do the math right now. But we had already bought our own protection and all that, but i didn’t go to my mom because i felt like it was my decision on my sex life.
She found out after I turned 16.5 when a doctor against HIPAA told her my pregnancy test was negative but I admitted I was active even with protection, which I never consented to, because I had a panic attack on a school field trip and was rushed to ER.
Now it took my mom a few months to stop being mad, but then she had a mental breakdown and I took over as head of household so I think I got treated as an adult and made my own choices because I was supporting my mom, myself, and 2 younger sisters.
Not same situation, but kinda giving you the two sides coin of the deal. Oh, and my dad was 18 when he knocked up my mom. And she had only been out of drug rehab clean for a month when she got pregnant with me. My dad had been told by his parents that he couldn’t get a girl pregnant until he was 21, that was magic sperm activation number.
That’s crazy that he thought he had to be 21. I’m glad they have sex Ed in schools now. I’ve already voiced my opinion that she should get birth control. Now I can only hope my husband and his ex agree
Birth control is a good idea. You’re not permitting sex , you’re being proactive in preventing pregnancy. Sounds like she is going to do it behind your back. Better to have acted.
First of all, if you wanted to, you could report that tenth grader to the police since that’s statutory rape.
I don’t know if you can stop a teenager from having sex if they want to. If it ain’t your house it will be his house or a friends house or a car or the park or something. The tried and true punishment I got for grievant offenses is being grounded. Also, you might want to ban your daughter from seeing that kid and have a talk with his parents about what happened.
He’s currently living with a friend. His dad is dead and his mom is in prison. I think we could talk to the friends parents but I’m not sure how much they can really do about it.
Being the stepmom just make sure she doesn’t end up hating you. Let her dad handle it so in the future maybe she’ll come to you for advice instead keeping secrets.
I’m also team birth control, and also team HPV vaccine and std testing. Teens will have sex if they want to. You can’t give her permission or deny permission. It’s her body and ultimately her right to make mistakes. Two years isn’t a horrifying age gap. I suggest talking to her seriously about safe sex, consent, and how to understand and enforce her own boundaries. I wish my parents had taught me that as a kid instead of just telling me I wasn’t allowed to do things. When they banned sex, they only made it so I didn’t come to them when I was being sexually abused, because I was afraid of getting in trouble.
Actually in a lot of jurisdictions there is a two year age difference allowed if both are minors and I think both are older than 12. It varies by area, but 8th graders are usually 13 and 10th graders 15, so if that’s true in this case then it wouldn’t be statutory rape depending on local law.
Definitely look into birth control. I think a lot of parenting isnt preventing mistakes, but helping them learn and get through mistakes that they will make. With that being said, there are ways to minimize situations, and in this case that would be to educate and provide proper precautions against STD and unwanted pregnancies. One of the most important things to instil in young people is that they dont owe anyone their body, and to help them recognize pressure. No one had that talk with me, and it ended up in me getting sexually assaulted.
Education and precautions work a lot better than forced abstinence.
Yeah, I’ve never heard of that. Not saying you’re wrong, I just never heard of it. My understanding was that anyone having sex with a girl who is under 18 is guilty of statutory rape.